To Be Alone With You
by WonderousPlaceForAnEcho
Summary: Alex meets Marissa again under emotionally charged circumstances.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: The first chapter is told from both Marissa and Alex's perspective but that will change to only Alex's perspective. Feel free to tell me what you'd like to see happen, what needs to be worked out. This is meant to be fun and realistic.

* * *

The ocean had always been her escape. Natures perfect way for her to feel grounded, connected and content. The waxing and waning of the waves provided a therapeutic symphony that allowed Alex to settle into her thoughts and ready herself to face another day before reaching that state of simplicity. Nearly everything to her seemed chaotic and it made her tired. She had finally felt as though she had her dream home in a nice apartment she stylized herself. She had finished her first semester of college. She had thankfully passed her GED, surpassing her own expectations and was overall content with the few friends she allowed to get close to her and be a part of her own family she had created. A breeze picked up and she hugged her jacket closer to her, her arms wrapped themselves around herself and she listened to the waves, breaking away from her thoughts. She kept walking slowly, the sound of the waves matching her steps. She sighed to herself, feeling her shoulders fall slightly, feeling the tension drift out of them. _I need to relax more. Maybe I'll take a bath when I get home or put on my calm playlist or…_

She heard screaming in the distance, breaking her out of her reverie. "Stop it….No…God…Stop." She picked up her speed and shortly came to an abrupt halt a few feet away from a girl and a guy.

_What the hell is going on? Oh my god…_

Alex stood there for a few seconds until her brain caught up with the images in front of her. A girl was trying to push a guy off of her as he pulled at her sweater. Before Alex could process what she should do she felt her legs move and then her foot lift off the sand. Kicking the ribs after he lifted himself off the girl a bit she brought her foot down, hearing a muffled pop when her foot impacted with his body. He grunted and rolled over, his hand at his side, his face in shock. She looked at the girl who still lay on the sand. Blinking a few times to make sure she was seeing clearly...she tried to find her voice.

"Marissa?" she asked in a whisper. Marissa didn't say anything but Alex could see a flash of many emotions flash across her face. From desperation, fear, relief, recognition, shock, vulnerability…

_Oh my god…what is she doing here? I mean…really Alex?! Thank god she's here…but…oh god Trey…_Marissa thought, her thoughts overlapping and jumbling together in a chaotic mess.

Trey started to get up off of the sand, making painful groans as he tried to stand. Alex quickly looked from Marissa to Trey and back to Marissa. Holding out her hand and offering it to Marissa, Marissa grabbed hers. Alex helped her up, careful to not touch Marissa but consciously trying to make sure Marissa was steady she held onto her arm, looked her in the eyes then checked on Trey to see what was happening with him.

He had stood now, breathing in deeply, looking at Alex with an angry glint in his eyes and began to advance towards her. His fist clenched as he took the few steps towards her and Marissa. Marissa's back was faced towards Trey…Alex held Marissa's hand tighter and pulled her towards her making Marissa think she was going to hug her, going to give her the comfort she wanted but instead Alex maneuvered Marissa behind her and Marissa frowned at the movement. Instead of answering Alex let go of Marissa's hand and whispered to her to go to the jeep knowing it was visible from where they all stood. Before leaving Alex, Marissa glanced at Trey and instantly felt sick. He looked crazed and there was Alex, standing as though in a fighting stance between herself and Trey. Her shoulders tense and her hands almost in fists.

This isn't happening. Alex is going to get hurt…I can't…

She put her hand on Alex's shoulder gently, trying to get her to focus on her and make her leave but she wouldn't look at her. Trey was getting closer and she felt Alex become even more tense.

"Who the hell are you?" Trey asked angrily, his voice clashing and seeming more hostile in contrast to the peaceful waves.

It was then that Alex turned slightly to Marissa and whispered to her gently but with an urgent undertone, "Just go to the car," a bit of pleading in her voice.

I can't have anything to happen to her. Who is this guy? It doesn't even matter, she needs to get out of here. But Marissa still stood there, seemingly rooted to the spot she was in and looked at Alex with fear in her eyes.

_Why won't she come with me?_

"Please…go..," Alex whispered to Marissa, looking into her sad eyes while she kept Trey in her peripheral vision. Marissa slightly nodded and quickly walked up to the jeep, checking back ever so often.

"Who the fuck are you?" Trey asked again. Alex didn't answer. She knew not to engage with someone who was that angry and out of his mind with adrenaline and hostility. Though she knew she was almost close to his level of anger as well. She could almost see red. _He was trying to hurt Marissa…he was actually trying to…_

She stopped her thoughts, her jaw tensing as she saw him step the last bit of distance between them and take a swing at her.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: From now on this will be told mostly through Alex's perspective. Hope its enjoyable, feel free to tell me to change it back if it's not good. The truth is I understand Alex more and find her more relate-able so it doesn't seem fitting to try to write Marissa's perspective much.

* * *

Alex saw his sloppy swing and ducked under his arm, his body weight shifting and almost sending him back into the sand. She side stepped and put up her arms waiting for him to advance again. He did surprisingly fast and tried to punch her again but missed by a few inches. Alex moved back and this time didn't see his swift arm coming from the side when he hit her in the ribs, striking low at the last second. She gritted her teeth and then moved to the again, trying to will her lungs to take deep breathes. She noticed Trey reach into his back pocket and grab a small metal shaft. Squinting at it her eyes opened wider when he held it in front of him and light from the moon caught the slight glint of its sharp edges. He held the knife tightly in his hand and started to walk towards her now with more certainty and determination. Now more than ever was she glad she had gotten Marissa away from this guy. Taking a defensive stance Alex waited for Trey to take the first swing. He did after a few seconds of unwavering eye contact and then lunged at her stomach. Deftly missing the blade Alex moved off quickly and brought her elbow up, hitting Trey in the side of his face, right near his temple leaving him dazed and shocked. Before Trey could make another move Alex brought her left arm out and hit him in the ribs, making him fall to the ground gasping for air. Without any warning or tell tale signs that he was about to swing he brought the knife close to Alex's abdomen and nearly cut her shirt but luckily Alex moved out of the way at the last second but still managed to come into contact with the knife as she attempted to move out of the way. It cut into her forearm and she almost let out an angered scream but held it in, clenching her jaw.

Time to get that knife away from him. She thought bitterly as she didn't hesitate to kick him in the ribs again as he was trying to get up. He fell down again and this time she pushed him down into the sand more.

Now she was leaning over him and he was looking up at her, the knife held in his hand even tighter. He was about to slice at her again but she punched him in the temple, nearly in the same spot as before and this time it disoriented him enough for her notice he loosened his grip on his weapon. She punched him again, this time in the face, right in between his eyes and he lifted his hands to his face then after she heard a break. His hands seemed to be moving in slow motion but she noticed he dropped his knife as he instinctively checked his face.

Quickly grabbing the knife he tried to roll over and take her down with him but she moved fast enough for him to miss, making him roll even more in the sand. Placing the knife in her back pocket she tried to turn away but he came up behind her and turned her around roughly then punched her right under her eye on her cheek. She felt a little tear and her skin instantly burn. Facing him again she didn't hold back. Catching him off guard she punched him in the face, then the stomach, then to the ribs, in the same spot as before, back to his other temple and then an upper cut. She'd had it. She didn't care if he was unconscious by now, she wanted it over with. He looked at her this time, really looked her in the eyes, confusion visible in his own eyes as though asking how this girl was able to hurt him. He shook his head and spit some blood into the sand.

Alex was breathing heavily now, adrenaline seeping through her veins, sliding through them like fire and ice, making her feel ambivalent because she was tired of the fight but she felt she could keep punching him until her arms grew tired.

She smiled then and he frowned. He took a step towards her again and she in turn stepped forward as well and hit him square in the face again, forcing him to fall backwards in the sand, unconscious and sprawled about. Taking a deep sigh she turned her head, looked back up at her car and then back at Trey.

Son of a bitch…you bastard. Were her last thoughts before she headed over to Marissa who leaned uncomfortably against her jeep.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's note: This chapter is only a premise for better things to come, pardon if it seems like like filler; though its somewhat necessary.

* * *

While walking back up to her car Alex had an array of thoughts flash through her mind.

_What was Marissa doing, hanging around a guy like that….who the hell is he? What is she going to think about me…being here? This could be awkward…but…what if I wasn't there…he could have…_

Alex visibly shuddered and unconsciously clenched her fists, growing irritated. She was still trying to work out her thoughts as she came to her Jeep, not noticing Marissa stare at her intensely.

"Alex…?" she heard Marissa say questioning herself. She looked into Marissa's unsure eyes and thought for a few moments.

_Right. Words might be a good idea now. _Alex thought to herself.

"Mhm?" she managed in response. Marissa continued to stare at her…making her feel slightly self conscious. She moved her hair out of her eyes, partly because it was blocking her vision and out of nervous habit. Tucking her hair behind her ear she noticed Marissa's eye go wide and instantly became worried that Trey was behind her and was about to hurt Marissa.

"Oh my god, Alex…your arm!" Marissa said as her voice rose and became worried. Alex pulled her arm away from her face and examined her sleeve.

_Damn it, this is my favorite jacket. I didn't even notice. Jesus, what a bastard._

"Oh," she heard herself say. "Must have been some broken glass…"she added dismissively, easily lying to avoid Marissa becoming more emotional and concerned for her.

_Alright, lying to Marissa isn't great…but she doesn't have to know when she should be worrying about herself anyways…_

Marissa nodded her head slowly, trying to work it out. "Are you alright?" she asked a second later.

_God, she shouldn't be asking me that question, really…that needs to be redirected at herself. I don't even think she's processed what's happened…or almost happened or…ugh._

"Are you alright?" Alex countered her question.

"Um…yeah, I just…" she said frowning. A few seconds of awkward silence filled the night air and Alex was beginning to feel bad for not making it any easier, but there were too many thoughts in her head and they were all jumbling together and overlapping making it difficult for her to talk.

"Just what?" Alex asked softly.

"You dyed your hair…" Marissa said lightly. "It's brown." She said, pointing out the obvious, but it seemed more real and nice to have the distraction at the moment as if they ran into each other on the streets of LA or something.

"Yeah." Alex replied, shifting her weight to her side. "So…are you alright?" she persisted.

Marissa seemed to be thinking it over as her eyes became unfocused. A few more seconds passed and Alex waited patiently for her reply. She didn't get a response though. Alex noticed Marissa shiver and swiftly moved to the side of her jeep, grabbing a sweater for Marissa and handed it to her, her arm outstretched, offering to Marissa nicely but with an expression on her face that conveyed arguing wasn't an option. Marissa smiled slightly and took the sweater.

"Thanks," she said gently as she began to put it on, her shirt riding up exposing her hips. Alex tried to look away but the bruises that were beginning to form were like a flashing light, an obvious mark that seemed so displaced on Marissa's beautiful skin, or at least Alex thought. Looking away from Marissa, Alex clenched her jaw and turned around looking back out to the ocean, trying to find some semblance of calm.

_God. If I had known he hurt her…I would have…hell! He should be in a coma right now. _She thought bitterly. She turned back to Marissa once she felt in control of her anger. Willing herself to stay where she was and not walk down to where Trey was laying unconscious and drag his body in the ocean for nature to take care of him, swallow him and drag him down with the current. Without realizing it her back grew tense and she turned to Marissa, looking her over.

_Ha, she looks better in my sweater than I do, how surprising. _The sarcasm evident in her own head.

"Do you want to go?" she asked suddenly. "I mean…I think we should leave. I could take you wherever you want," she added moving her hair out of her face again.

"We should go to the hospital," Marissa says, her finger pointing to Alex's arm.

"Oh..no…I don't do hospitals…but…we should go," she replied, her eyebrows furrowing.

"Yeah, someone should really look at your cut," Marissa said with certainty.

"No, I meant for you" Alex said softly, knowing that Marissa should be looked over and at the least talk to a police woman and possibly a therapist. Marissa in turn looked at the ground then back to Alex.

"No," a strong, undeniably flat response came out of Marissa. Alex nodded and placed her hands in her pockets.

"So where would you like to go then?" she asked trying to make sure they move from their current location.

"Would it be asking too much if we go to your place? I mean…it'll probably be a long drive to LA, but I don't think I want to be here," Marissa said distractedly.

"Sure…" Alex said after a brief pause, nodding her head slowly. "But we won't need to go to LA, I'm down the street," she finished quietly.

"Oh." Was Marissa's only response and then she began to move to the passenger side of the jeep, Alex moved to her side in effect and slowly got in. Unsure if she wanted Marissa to be a part of her life again or if she could make up an excuse and just drop her off at Summer's or something.

_That would be cruel. Maybe not cruel, but mean. She asked to come with you to get away, at the least you can do what she asks._ She berated herself in her head. Taking a deep breath she started the car and looked over at Marissa again, making sure her seat belt was on and she was comfortable. Content when she saw Marissa lean back in her seat and rest her arm on the side she pulled away and began her drive to her new apartment.


	4. Chapter 4

Alex tried to appear calm as she drove towards her apartment. She absentmindedly drummed on her steering wheel to a playlist on her ipod she always had hooked into her stereo but hidden inconspicuously so no one would steal it. Calm music drifted out…Iron and Wine's Passing Afternoon put her nerves down and she slid back into her seat and her mind wandered to her apartment…if it was clean…how she and Marissa had met again…under these circumstances and shivered.

"When did you move back?" Marissa asked softly, breaking Alex out of her thoughts.

"Um…about two months ago," came her nonchalant reply as she glanced over at Marissa and back to the road.

Marissa was shocked and nodded slightly.

"So…why haven't I seen you?" Marissa asked unsure or herself or possibly unsure of if she wanted to know Alex's answer.

It's not like I've been avoiding her. I've maybe unconsciously been keeping away from places she would be…but…

"I've been busy," she heard herself say flatly and slowly.

"Oh," was all Marissa said. "So why did you dye your hair?" she asked, trying another approach at a conversation.

"Needed a change," Alex said with a shrug.

"How come?" Marissa asked curiously making Alex looked over at her and gave her a slight smile.

"New job. And people take you more seriously." Alex said without much interest as she parked her Jeep.

Leaning back over her seat she grabbed a few things and slowly got out of her car while she felt Marissa's gaze on her. Grabbing her ipod at the last second, she got out of her car and waited for Marissa to stand next to her as she opened the door.

Flicking on the lights, she looked over her apartment. It was much larger than the one she had before, but then again she had a better job now and so that came with the new changes. It looked modern and had a nice color scheme. Black cabinets and a deep red room was the second room they saw. The hallway was more or a blue color and nice modern art hung on the walls neatly. The place looked very sophisticated and in the corner there was a black, metal, winding staircase that lead up to the bedroom that had a very lofty style to it.

"Wow" was all Marissa managed to get out. "Step up from the old place, no more random posters tapped up on the walls," she said trying to joke.

"Yeah. Actually there's a room that keeps with that look, its down the hall next to the guest room," Alex said pointing but slightly laughing. Marissa's eyes widened.

"You have a guest room?" She asked surprised. Alex just smiled and hung up her keys near the door on a hook that came with a black mirror.

"Well yeah, it came with the place," she joked, being a bit of a smart ass. Marissa squinted her eyes and Alex let out a laugh, enjoying how they had slipped into a casual, laid back conversation.

"What do you do now? Did you get your job back at the Bait Shop?"

"No, though I kind of miss it. I'm doing new things," Alex said calmly.

Marissa continued to look over the place. She turned around and looked at the walls and all the frames that held art, odd obscure photography and some band posters.

"Are you involved in something illegal?" Marissa joked, a smile on her face. Alex let out a small burst of air.

"I did offer to show you that meth lab in the basement," she said joking back dismissively. Marissa laughed some more and Alex cursed herself for thinking that she missed that sound. Her shoulders tensed up as her mind continued to beat herself up over letting Marissa back into her life. She started to take off her jacket and instantly took in a small, sharp intake of air.

Ouch, forgot about that. She thought as her sleeve was moving down her arm. Marissa took a step closer to her and she backed up.

"I'm going..to go to the bathroom. If you want to take a shower or anything the bathroom is down the hall and the guest room is to the right," Alex said trying to be polite as she turned towards the staircase to go up to her bedroom where a larger bathroom was. Just as she was about to make her way upstairs Marissa's hesitant voice reached over to her.

"Alright, thanks…but…would you mind if I didn't sleep in the guest bedroom?" she asked quietly.

"Ah, where do you plan on sleeping?" Alex asked unsure.

Marissa glanced at the floor, to the wall and back at Alex. "I don't want to be alone," she said with her arms wrapped around her in a whisper, seemingly scared of the delicate situation as though any loud noises would break apart their small world.

Alex only nodded slowly, the weight of her words making it hard for her to form words.

A few seconds passed and Marissa began to slightly fidget. Alex took the few steps towards Marissa unsure of herself, stopping a foot away from her and gently took one of her hands in hers, holding it loosely. She looked at her own hand, surprised she was touching Marissa and then looked into Marissa's emotional eyes. Not able to stop herself she pulled Marissa a bit closer and held her in a gentle embrace, careful to not bring her other arm around to Marissa's back, for fear of getting blood on her.

Marissa clung to her and pulled Alex in tighter and wrapped her arms around her shoulders, forcing Alex to pull Marissa closer to keep balance from the sudden shift, her arm coming around Marissa's waist, her hand resting on Marissa's lower back.

_Stand still, don't move, breathe, but don't breath in her scent. Her hair always smelled good…_

Alex took an abrupt step back and mumbled to Marissa.

"I'm going to go take care of…" she didn't finish her thought, she moved her arm to her side and held it against her body so Marissa couldn't see and then continued, "then I'll meet you upstairs?"

"Sure," Marissa said looking Alex over, trying to understand her mood.

"So if you want to take a shower, feel free…" She said as she moved swiftly to the bathroom down the hall to clean the cut.

_I can't believe she's here. I don't even know if that's a good thing or a bad thing? Sleeping in the same bed as Marissa falls under bad category, as insane as that is to think. I don't think I can handle sleeping in the same bed as her. Ugh, forget it…think about something else. She seemed surprised by the apartment. Thank sweet baby Jesus it was clean. All I need to do is get through this night and I'll be fine. Marissa can talk with Summer and they'll be able to….figure it all out. I need to…clean my cut. _

Alex turned into her downstairs bathroom and flicked on the light, the room illuminating in a nice light purple glow because of the paint. She chose the color because it made her feel calm, even though it everyone seemed surprised by her color choices.

Getting set to clean the wound she turned her arm to get a better look and winced slightly. A bit of blood started to prick up on the wound. Turning the faucet on she was glad to hear the shower turn on upstairs. Rummaging around in a few drawers she found everything she needed and started to clean the cut, her nose wrinkling from the smell of the alcohol.

In about ten minutes, she was able to go back and forth from the bathroom to the kitchen to get scissors to cut up some bandages, knowing that band aids weren't going to work and Neosporin to make sure it would heal alright.

_I swear to god if I get tetanus I'm going to be pretty livid. That asshole actually had a knife on him._ Alex thought to herself, shaking her head.

A few minutes more had passed of her cleaning up and making sure everything was back. Then she made her way upstairs, distractedly climbing the winding staircase she loved. Marissa was still in the shower so Alex tried to pick out some clothes she thought Marissa wouldn't mind wearing to bed. She grabbed a worn in grey t-shirt and some light blue boy shorts that she usually wore to bed herself and placed them on the bed then went back downstairs after she changed into her own pajamas consisting of a burgundy tank top and pink shorts that she remembered turned pink when Marissa attempted to do their laundry.

Shaking her head again she was nearly to her downstairs bathroom again about to brush her teeth when she heard Marissa call her name with an edge of worry.

"Yeah?" she called back towards her bedroom, leaning out of the doorway a bit.

"Oh. I didn't know where you were. I thought you left…or something," Marissa said back, seemingly unsure of herself.

"I wouldn't leave," she replied gently. "I'll be up in a sec," she continued and turned back to brush her teeth.

Taking a short amount of time to thoroughly brush her teeth she turned off all the lights after going to the kitchen and getting herself a glass of water to take upstairs after locking all the doors. She never cared much for being paranoid and it wasn't really that, she just wanted Marissa to feel safe. Once everything was checked she went back upstairs, stopping abruptly at the top when she saw Marissa in the clothes she laid out for her. She was thankful she had a strong hold on the glass otherwise she thought she might have dropped it.

_Holy hell. How does she make a t-shirt look so good? I mean…its such a simple thing…but she looks so sweet and cute. Kill me now. I'm expected to sleep in the same bed as her? Really?!_ Taking a deep breath and letting it out in a sigh Alex took the last few steps towards the bed. She stood next to it and placed the glass on the black side table.

Glancing back over at Marissa who seemed to be waiting for her to move, she pulled back the covers and got in. Marissa followed. When Marissa seemed to be comfortable Alex turned off her lamp and tried to focus on breathing. She could smell her own vanilla body wash on Marissa and it mixed really well with her she noted. Pulling her arms in closer to her body Alex tried to create as much distance as possible between herself and Marissa.

"Are you alright?" Marissa asked quietly as she turned her head to look over her shoulder at Alex since her back was facing her.

"Mhm," the equally quiet response came from Alex as she kept her eyes on the sheets. "Are you?" she asked back with sincerity.

"I'm kind of cold." Marissa said honestly.

_Oh. Damn it. I should have checked the thermostat. I'm usually really warm. I practically radiate body heat…_

Slowly Marissa turned over and faced Alex, frowning at her. It took a while for Alex to lift her gaze and look Marissa in the eyes realizing she shouldn't have done that.

_She looks so sad…and obviously cold. Her eyes look almost…pleading? God…even when she's sad she looks…beautiful. Okay! Stop thinking like that. Focus. _

"I'm sorry," she heard herself say. "Do you want me to turn the heat up or get another blanket?"

"No. I like how I don't feel…weighted down with the sheets…could you…I mean, would you mind if you hold me?" Marissa asked in a very conflicted tone.

_Yes! I do mind. I can't do that. You're honestly asking me to do that? _

A few strained seconds passed and Marissa bore her eyes into Alex's. "Please?" she asked softly.

Alex felt the tension release from her shoulders and her body moved reacting on instinct. Her arms reached out as her hand rested on Marissa's hip. She gave a small smile to Alex and slowly turned back around facing the window that had thin brown curtains covering the structure, still allowing the moonlight to hit the walls and give the room a calm glow.

Feeling Marissa sigh Alex tried to relax herself but still resisted letting go of all her anxieties and weariness.

Turning her head back, looking over her shoulder at Alex, a frowning expression came into view on both girls faces.

"You can hold me tighter," Marissa finally let out.

Alex slightly nodded and Marissa moved back a few inches, more into Alex's space. Holding her breath Alex seemed unsure of what to do.

"Alex," Marissa questioned in a tone that implied she was about to go into a lengthy monologue, but Alex cut her off.

"I have a confession," she said closing her eyes even though Marissa's back was faced towards her. Marissa didn't say anything, she waited for Alex to continue but moved a little closer into Alex in the process. "I always thought…I would break you..if I held you too hard," Alex finally let out, slightly above a whisper. Slowly turning around Marissa was now inches away from Alex's face and in turn Alex loosened her arm that was resting on Marissa's waist.

"You're not going to hurt me," she said with a smile, "I'm going to be okay," she said growing serious, both of them understanding the double meaning of that statement.

Alex nodded and pulled Marissa just a little bit closer, forcing Marissa to raise her arm and rest it near Alex's shoulder. Looking into one another eyes for a few moments, Marissa then turned back around and took Alex's forearm in her hand not realizing Alex had it bandages. Drawing in a sharp breath Alex pulled her arm back slowly and clenched her jaw. Marissa grew worried and began to apologize profusely.

"It's fine. Rissa, it's fine," Alex reassured her, stroking the side of her face to get her to relax. Marissa's unwavering glare made Alex feel bad for making her worry, so she put her arm around Marissa again and maneuvered their bodies closer together as they settled back into the large bed.

"Any other confessions?" Marissa asked with a hint of playfulness and curiosity to her voice as she leaned back into Alex, her shoulder blades pressing into Alex's chest and her lower back into Alex's stomach.

Enjoying the closeness and how they fit together so well Alex wrapped her arm around Marissa more and held her protectively as though to ward off coldness and possibly bad dreams that's she hoped the other girl wouldn't experience.

"Mmmm, not today," she mumbled into the girl's back and they both drifted off to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

When Alex felt as though she were burning up and her skin was on fire she began to stir. She quietly moved her arms over her head and stretched, while she felt a pressure on her chest and an arm wrapped around her waist.

_That explains why I feel so hot. Could Marissa be any closer? Not that I mind…wait…I do mind. I mind. I mind. I mind. Is that you're new mantra? To kid yourself into thinking you're over Marissa? Riiiight._ She thought to herself. _Wow, so early in the morning and yet I still manage to be sarcastic._ She considered as she looked at Marissa's features letting out a sigh, unable to stop herself from thinking that she's still beautiful. Stretching again she tried to hold in laughter as she felt Marissa's breathing graze her neck making her feel ticklish. Alright, time to get out of bed. She still might not be a morning person, but I could maybe make her breakfast…

Alex's legs slowly touched onto the floor and she placed a pillow where she was before, allowing Marissa's arms to hold onto that as the light brunettes arms reached out for something to hold onto. Smiling down at Marissa who seemed content she made her way downstairs after looking in the mirror and running her hand over her hair.

A few minutes later the smell of eggs and toast were wafting through the air. Alex had a can of soda for herself as she began to place some fruit on a plate with the rest of the food while her I-pod played a some Cure, Chris Walla, As Tall as Lions and The Shins. It was a random playlist but it made sense to her since it was all male singers thrown together.

Just as she was about to turn around, dancing a bit to the Shins, she stopped mid step and noticed Marissa who was trying to hide a grin behind her hand. She placed the omelet on the plate that was conveniently in front of Marissa who began to take a seat on one of the metal stools that lined the bar around the open kitchen.

"Thought you might want breakfast…"Alex said calmly, composing herself. Marissa nodded slightly and looked over the food.

"Thanks. I didn't know you could cook." She said with interest lining her voice.

"Well I was too tired to cook usually so take out was always easier," she said taking a sip of her diet coke and turning around to grab some utensils for Marissa. Putting them on the counter with a cloth napkin she leaned over the counter and tried to keep up conversation. "If you don't like anything I can make you something else or we could go to a diner," she said absentmindedly.

"No, this looks good, the smell made me wake up," Marissa said with a crooked smile.

Alex simply nodded back and waited for Marissa to start eating. Before Marissa could put the first bite of food in her mouth Alex swung around to the refrigerator and got out some orange juice, poured a glass and set it next to Marissa's plate, realizing Marissa had taken a few bites by now.

"This is really good. I never heard of anyone putting corn in an omelet though." Alex shrugged.

"I like it." She said back honestly.

"I thought you didn't eat breakfast." Marissa said with a frown.

"I don't. I eat it around midnight," she said back.

"I see. Well it's good. What's in it?"

"Um…" Alex said looking off to the side to try to remember. "Some mozzarella, feta, asiago cheese with some spices, a bit of pepper, corn and a little of provolone on the top," she said looking at the omelet. Marissa raised her eyebrows and continued eating, only stopping to take sips from the orange juice.

"This isn't orange juice." She said back skeptically.

"No, did you expect a screw driver or something? It's orange, peach mango juice." Alex said back finishing her diet coke and dumping it in her recycle bin. Everything has changed so much. No more beer bottles lying around, a really nice apartment, a great job…

"You've changed," Marissa said breaking Alex from her thoughts again.

"Oh," she said back with a lift in her voice as if posing a question.

"Not in a bad way…I like the hair by the way…it kind of…" then Marissa was cut out by Alex's cell phone.

"Sorry," Alex mumbled as she dashed upstairs smoothly. "Yeah?" she asked into the phone when she reached for it at the last ring. "Alright, I'll be there in an hour...Because I need to take a shower and get my things and…..listen Jody, I'm allowed to be late once. I'll be there as soon as I can….why does it matter? I ran into someone and now unless you want me to be even more late I have to go," she said trying to break off the conversation and clearly avoid any more questions.

She dropped her phone onto her bed and went back downstairs, avoiding Marissa's gaze knowing an awkward situation was about to occur so she looked at the plate instead, happy that Marissa had eaten everything.

"Do you want anything else?" she asked nicely.

"No…and I think you have to go," Marissa said trying to not hide that she had overheard the conversation.

"Mmm yeah, but its fine," she said crossing her arms in front of her chest as she leaned back against the marble countertops.

"So..what do you do?" Marissa asked curiously.

"Interior design," came Alex's blunt response. She saw Marissa's eyes grow larger and tried to suppress a smile but was unable to.

"How did that happen?"

"A few friends needed some opinions and I helped out and then they weren't able to do it all so they let me take over and so…I did that and then a few people started asking for me because it would get passed from friend to friend, client to client and now I do it and Jody handles the finances," she said honestly.

Marissa nodded and Alex moved closer to her and picked up the plate and empty glass placing it in the large sink.

"So…I have to take a shower…but if you want you can stay here and Summer could pick you up or if you want I'll drive you where ever you want." Alex said shifting her weight a little bit.

"I can wait." Marissa replied calmly.

"Alright. I'll be back in a bit, you can grab whatever you want to wear if you find something you like. You'll have more options with the one across the hall." She said pointing up to where it would be.

Marissa nodded again and said thanks, leaving Alex to go back upstairs and take a quick shower. Ten minutes later with a towel wrapped around her Alex tried to get what she considered her work clothes together. Standing in just her black lace bra and long thin, black pants Alex stood looking into her closet, hands on her hips.

She turned around abruptly when she heard a sharp but low gasp. Alex covered herself as she looked at Marissa who seemed somewhat bewildered and appreciative at the same time. Alex frowned, stepped closer to her closet and grabbed a loose, light brown tank top with some random design on it and put it on quickly, pulling up her thin suspenders over her shoulders. Fixing her tank top so it didn't bunch she slipped on a thin grey sweater and turned back towards Marissa who looked at from head to toe. Putting her hands in her sweater pockets she looked at Marissa who was still in her pajamas and chuckled.

"Shouldn't you have changed by now?" she said teasingly.

"Hey I was working on it," Marissa said back somewhat defensively.

"Right. How could I forget how long you take to get ready?" she teased back and Marissa hit her lightly on her shoulder. They laughed together and Alex moved away from Marissa, deciding to get something out of her jewelry box. Turning over a couple items and stopping her hand from reaching out and touching the heart shaped necklace. She grabbed the necklace she was looking for; a circular green stone that had different lines of colors in it with beads woven around it in a small side with a tiny white bird above the beads and a nice black ribbon to hold it. Slipping it on she looked back at Marissa who hadn't moved.

"You look nice," Marissa said delicately.

"Work clothes," Alex said back dismissively even though they were very comfortable work clothes and she knew a lot of people didn't have the luxury of being able to dress somewhat casual to their jobs.

"So…you're not ready? Do you want to stay here?" Alex asked indifferent of what Marissa decided. Appearing to be thinking it over, Alex looked at her arm and remembered she needed to check the cut and maybe change the bandage if it needed it. She waited for Marissa's answer before she started to reach out and run her fingertips along her forearm.

"Would you mind dropping me off at my place?" she asked nicely.

"Sure…is your mom going to be there?" Alex asked hesitantly. She didn't want to be reminded she was less than dirt or this year's yard guy today. That was not her idea of a good time.

"No, she's out of town," Marissa said bluntly.

"Are you going to go over to Summer's then? Just so you aren't alone?" Alex asked considerately.

"Um well…she'll probably be with Seth all day. Rhey had this thing planned, so probably not. I could see what Ryan's doing." She said, not aware of what she said until it was out of her mouth.

Alex looked at Marissa who looked back at her intensely as though Marissa could see the walls building themselves back up around her, almost brick by brick. Alex's shoulders and back grew tense as they stared at one another until Alex finally nodded and mumbled an alright.

"I'll go get ready," Marissa mumbled back and once she was out of the room Alex took a seat on her bed, resting her hand on her thigh as she looked at her hard wood floors.

"Ready to go?" Marissa asked patiently when she came back into the room dressed in a long skirt of Alex's, a black and grey one that flowed freely and a dark red, thin sweater. On a lot of other people it wouldn't have looked nice but Marissa was able to pull it off in a matter of minutes with her hair hanging down, some of it tied behind her so more of her face was visible.

"Yeah," Alex said getting back up and making her way downstairs, Marissa following her.

"I forgot, I need to check something. I'll be out in a second," she said handing the keys to Marissa that were hanging in their usual place and walked away as Marissa opened the door and stepped out once Alex unlocked the front door.

Trying to hurry, she checked the bandage and threw it in the trash, happy that it was almost completely healed. She didn't even need a new one, she just put a touch of Neosporin on it for reassurance. Checking herself over in the mirror, she was content with what was reflected back and she headed outside.

They drove back in relative silence until Alex parked her Jeep in the long driveway. Marissa looked down at the floor of the Jeep before reaching out and placing her hand on the handle.

"Thank you…" Marissa said gently.

"It's no problem," Alex said, cutting her off.

"If…you get the chance.. could I see you again?" she asked unsure.

Alex thought it over, making Marissa visibly uncomfortable. "Yeah, I'm always home by eleven, but my cell is the same." She left it at that.

Marissa smiled crookedly and opened her door. Before she stepped out she moved her arms around Alex's shoulders and held her the way she embraced her at the bon fire, out on the beach. Always on a beach she realized, where they shared their first kiss and where they broke up and where they met again.

She clenched her jaw and lightly held Marissa's waist but her back grew tense again and she made a mental note in her head she would need a bath to get rid of her tense muscles. Marissa sensed Alex's hesitancy and let go, looking in her eyes briefly and then got out of the Jeep.

"Bye," Marissa said quietly and Alex lifted her hand but didn't exactly wave as she drove away towards her work, preparing for Jody to yell at her and then fume when she pulls information out of her about seeing Marissa again...


	6. Chapter 6

Authors Note: I'm trying to move this along as quickly as possible, if it's bad writing, sorry in advance. I'm writing it because there are too many scenarios in my head and I figured it best to make a story out of it. Again, feel free to tell me what you might like to see, what should be changed, etc. If any of it seems abrupt it's because I'd like to get this story done with so I can finish my other story that's overdue for an update. I want to idealistically finish this story within the next week which means a lot of writing and embracing my insomnia.

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_She's with Ryan. Of course she's with Ryan. Why wouldn't she be? She was with him when we…okay new thought…be positive. Really? You're capable of that? Stop being so cynical. She could do worse. He's a decent guy…he'll take care of her. That's why you left. You thought she'd at least be safe with him. He'll handle it, that's what boyfriends are suppose to do…or at least significant others…she'll be fine. _Alex thought to herself and then screeched to a stop where she was meeting Jody. She noticed Jody turn her head at the sound and lift her eyebrows at her. Instead of humoring her, Alex reached back and grabbed everything she needed. Walking steadily into the building with purpose and a "don't ask any questions" attitude she was ready to get to work and avoid any of Jody's prying. As luck would have it, Jody was stubborn and wasn't willing to overlook Alex's disposition.

"Who were you with?" she asked interested.

Alex just shook her head and walked with Jody to meet the new client. Now was not the time. This was defiantly not the place.

Jody lowered her voice and leaned closer to Alex, "Did you finally meet someone instead of the usual moping around?" she asked with a hint of deep sincerity in her voice.

"Later," Alex said dismissively as she was now in the company of her new clients. She extended her hand, gave pleasantries and quickly got to work, happy that these people knew what they wanted and she didn't have to give much input, a few opinions here and there when she found something might clash with one another. Jody and Alex took notes and two hours later were escorting the couple out. Immediately after the door was closed Jody shifted her body to face Alex and demanded in her calm tone, "Who was it and why are you avoiding so much?"

"I'm not avoiding," she said back calmly looking Jody in the eyes to prove her point.

"Sure, then tell me who you were with. It had to be good because you're never late," she said back rationally.

"It's not really your business," Alex said back trying to avoid a confrontation that was bound to occur.

"True, but it effects me if you're going to be late more often and I have to make up excuses why you're not here," she said back logically.

Alex narrowed her eyes at Jody and thought it over. Taking a deep breath she said the name she knew would make Jody explode, or more accurately implode because she new Jody would hold her annoyance inside rather than let it out.

She sighed and put her hand lightly on her hip and brushed some hair out of her face before answering. "It's Marissa," she said flatly. Alex saw Jody's eyes widen just a bit and waited.

"Marissa? The Marissa? Marissa…I like to stomp on your heart for my own twisted amusement-Marissa?" Jody said controlling her voice, keeping it gravely low.

Alex slowly rolled her eyes. "She's not really like that. I don't think it was intentional." Alex said back lightly but with an edge of defensiveness.

"You're defending her," Jody said bewildered, stating the obvious, though they both knew it needed to be said.

Alex shrugged, not sure what to say.

Jody shook her head and stared at Alex. "For the sake of your sanity I hope you're not going to see her again," Jody said lightly.

"Hopefully not," Alex said. A part of her wanted to see Marissa but the logical part that wanted to avoid any emotional scars won out. Jody looked at Alex again trying to see if she were telling the truth, even though she knew Alex had no reason to lie to her.

"Try not to give into whatever she wants," Jody said knowingly at Alex without any resentment in her voice.

"Mhm, noted," Alex said back simply and then turned to look over her notes and go back towards her office and start ordering what she needed. In a way this job was a lot similar to the Bait Shop because there was a connected to the ordered and getting what people wanted. This happened to be on a smaller scale and more personal. Sometimes it was annoying when she dealt with clients who were rude but it was better than working in a bar and coming home smelling like beer and smoke. She preferred this job any day, even though she sometimes missed her old job. To make up for the feelings of nostalgia she would occasionally have friends over and set up a bar in the kitchen and get to work on fixing everyone drinks. She was more laid back now and had more freedom with her new job but she still enjoyed being around people with good energies and have some parties.

Coming out of her thoughts she became more involved with her work and before she knew it four hours had passed and Jody knocked on her door. Looking up from her paperwork she waited for Jody to say what she came in for.

"Everything's set on my part. This one will be pretty easy. Only one contractor was needed and one carpenter. Do you need anything? Otherwise we can head out early." She stated calmly and professionally.

"No. I've got it finished. I'm going to go home and relax. But I was thinking of getting everyone together for a party, we haven't in a while and it might be good," Alex said, sharing her previous thoughts with Jody.

"Sounds good. You know I'm always for a party. When and the usual crowd?" she asked.

"Yeah. I figured I could make the calls tonight and tell the LA crew to come down for a day, sometime next week."

"Great, I'll call some of the girls. I think a party is needed. As much as I love this job I'm getting bored," Jody said with a mixture or enthusiasm and disinterest at the same time. Alex could only frown at her and give her a small smile.

"Next week then, how about Saturday." She said in a way that wasn't a question.

"I support it," Jody said in her own odd way and then turned back to her office, not saying goodbye to Alex seeing as how they see enough of one another and they're comfortable, picking up each other cues and quirks. Alex finished up her last bits of work and began to put away everything she needed and picked up her keys to take the drive home.

Stopping at a store for some groceries and to pick up some drinks for the party she loaded up her bags and headed to the car but was stopped when she came across a small family that had a small cage near the check out, just outside the door.

Curiosity got the best of her and she stopped to look in. The floor of the cage was clean and there was plenty of room for the puppy to move around in. She couldn't help but smile when she saw the little Yorkshire terrier and couldn't help but be reminded of Toto from The Wizard of Oz.

"Hi," a little boy said who noticed Alex looking at the puppy.

"Hi," Alex said back, still looking at the puppy with her head tilted to the side and then looked at the boy who seemed happy to have someone interested in the small animal.

"Want to hold her?" he asked with a bit of hope in his voice.

"You don't mind?" She asked beginning to set her bags down.

"No, we're trying to find her a home. Her brothers and sisters were all taken earlier, she's the only one left," he said back sadly as he bend down and opened the crate. The puppy jumped up but didn't let out a bark, instead he told her to smile and she actually perked up her ears and grinned back at him, showing her tiny teeth.

_Oh my god, too cute._ Alex thought to herself feeling herself being drawn to the small creature. He picked her up delicately, surprisingly considerate for a boy his age as his mother and sister looked on while he handed her to Alex. Not being able to stop herself Alex let the little puppy like her face and was pleasantly surprised to feel the puppy place her pillow-like paws against her face and lick her nose. The little girl giggled and the mother looked on happily.

"She's free," the little girl said after she controlled her light laughter. "We want her to go to a nice family though…" the little girl let out.

"Oh well. It's just me. It gets kind of lonely so maybe she'd like to be with a bigger family." Alex thought out loud.

"No," the little boy said sadly. "She seems to like you, she's usually shy," he finished. Alex looked from him to his sister to their mother as the puppy nestled into the crook of her arm.

"Oh," was all Alex managed to say then she turned to face the mother who seemed happy and stood patiently with her children.

"We have her papers," she said calmly. "There were four in the liter and she was the runt. But she has a lot of personality once she warms up to someone," she said with warmth.

"The best for last, huh?" Alex said back and she ran her hand over the puppies head and lightly scratched behind her ears. The puppy looked at her and seemed to grin again. Alex couldn't help her, her heart swelled a little as she looked in her tiny face.

"Do you want to maybe keep her," the little girl asked quietly as though scared of the rejection.

Smiling down at the girl Alex kneeled down so she was eye level with the girl and asked gently, "would you mind if I took her home with me?'' and she was happy to see the little girl smile slowly and turn into a full-fledged grin.

"Nope," she said with a chuckle.

"Good," Alex said contently and stood back up to face the mother while a smile herself. The mother smiled back and introduced herself.

"I'm Isabelle. I'm thrilled you're going to take care of her. My kids were a little selective of who they go to. They're sneaky and told people to give them their business cards if they didn't like them, but you seemed to have passed with flying colors," Isabelle said.

"Smart kids," Alex said back with laughter.

"Too smart for their own good," she replied back with bit of teasing as she looked at her kids who clearly were eavesdropping.

"I'm Alex by the way," she said still holding on the puppy as Isabelle looked through a folder for the papers.

"It's nice to meet you Alex. What do you do, if you don't mind my asking. I want to make sure she," Isabelle said pointing to the puppy, "gets a lot of attention," she finished sweetly.

"Oh. I do interior design. I'm home by 4 four and so she'll soon be spoiled, as any good dog should be," she said as she playfully petted her new addition to her home.

"Great. I know how that is. I'm home by 3, I'm a teacher and these ones," Isabelle said, tilting her head towards her children, "wouldn't have it any other way. I should enjoy it before they want to barely acknowledge my existence in a few years." She said joking. It was clear this was a happy family and Alex felt a bit pained that she didn't have that. The puppy looked up at Alex then as though she felt Alex's mood change. Looking down at the puppy baffled she smiled down and the little dog and the puppy lifter her ears up happily. Alex could only laugh at Isabelle's comment as she took the papers from her and looked down at her bags.

Puppy in one arm…bags on the ground…hm.

"Kids, could you take Alex's bags with her to her car?" Isabelle asked politely. Alex was amazed at how well their family dynamic flowed so well. Her dad would have yelled at her by now, not asked. There was a huge difference she saw in their interactions but she was happy for them. The boy and the girl took both of the bags and waited for Alex. Just as she was about to walk away she turned around to face Isabelle.

"Oh, what kind of food does she like?" Alex asked unsure. Isabelle smiled and said the brand and other details. Walking out of the store with the kids behind her, making sure they were safe she got next to her jeep and placed the puppy in the passenger seat gently who was nearly asleep now. She took the bags from the kids and happily said thank you. They smiled back at her and walked back to their mother. Alex got in her side and glanced at the puppy.

Too cute. She thought to herself as she started the jeep and pulled away into the main road to go to a pet store and get everything she needed for her new member of the family.

Another hour later she had another bag of things, food, bowls, a chew toy, treats, a collar that was a light blue for the sake of confusing people and making them think she's a boy for the fun of it and a dark red leash. Arriving at her house a little later than usual she was surprised to see Jody's car at her apartment. Knowing she was already inside Alex was oddly thankful she had someone to help her with all the bags. Before going in she called Jody's cell and she picked up on the second ring.

"Help me carry some bags in?" she asked but more demanded.

"Hello to you too," Jody joked back.

"Just come out, I have too many things," Alex said shutting her phone. Jody came out with a danish in her hand and she looked at Alex skeptically.

"You get carried away with the alcohol or something?"

"No, I got a new addition," Alex said back with a smile pointing to her passenger seat and just as Jody leaned over to look on the seat the puppy jumped up and gave a playful yip, scaring Jody, making her jerk back and almost fall on the ground. Alex burst out laughing. Jody glared at her.

"I love her already," Alex said in between laughter, tears almost coming to her eyes.

"Ha Ha. Well I'll give it to you. I haven't seen you laugh that much, even if it is at my expense," Judy mumbled the last part.

"Awww, Jody approves little one," Alex said picking her up and holding her out to Jody who already had bags in her hands but she set them down to pet the puppy.

"You with a dog. One look from something cute and you fold. You are such a push over," Jody said teasing.

"Am not," Alex said raising her voice.

Jody only raised her eyebrows as though saying-oh really? She turned then with most of the bags and went inside, setting everything on the counters.

Alex followed her in and set the puppy on the kitchen floor gently then turned to go retrieve the rest of the bags but she heard the puppy follow her. Stopping she turned back, held up her hand and commanded-Stay. Surprisingly the little dog did as she was told and turned her head to the side. Alex gave a small smile to her, amazed the dog did as she was told and went back out to get the rest of the things. Coming back seconds later she watched as Jody put the groceries away as she placed rummaged around in some bags and got out the dog food and put it in the new light purple, clay bowls that were the perfect size for the puppy. The food and then some water went into their respective bowls and she set them on the ground on the other side of the counters, away from anywhere people would walk. The puppy happily started eating and then her little lapping up of her water could be heard.

"She have a name?" Jody's voice called over to Alex who had now taken a seat on the comfortable grey couch that was placed openly in the living room. Looking over at Jody, Alex shrugged and frowned.

"Haven't thought of it yet, it'll come to me." She called back over to Jody who now had a nearly finished cookie in her hand. Jody nodded and Alex could only laugh when she heard her own stomach growl. She grabbed a bowl, some milk and poured herself some cereal. Sitting across from Jody she happily noted everyone was contently eating.

"Did you want to just make out a list of foods you like and I'll get them for you next time I'm at the store?" Alex asked with a raised eyebrow as she watched Jody pop the last bite of cookie in her mouth.

"That'd be great," Jody said seriously.

"That was rhetorical," Alex said after she swallowed her spoonful of cereal. They fell into a comfortable silence and were shocked to see the puppy try to get up on the couch in Jody's lap.

"Awww she likes me," Jody said as she picked up the tiny dog and placed her in her lap, scratching behind her ears.

"She probably smelled the cookie you helped yourself to," Alex said in a smart alec tone.

"Oh wow you have jokes today. If I had known a dog was all you needed to lighten up I would have gotten you one sooner," Jody said joking but then said seriously.

"Nope, she's perfect," she said pointing her spoon at the puppy.

"She needs a name," Jody said taking the puppy in her hands and turning her so her face was inches from her own.

"How about Kitty," Jody said looking at the dogs eyes, assessing if the dog approved somehow. The puppy remained unresponsive. "How about Lunatic, Luna for short." She continued on.

"Do not try to name her. Anyways Luna is always a cats name for some reason." Alex said in between chewing. Jody ignored her and intensely looked at the tiny face before her. "How about…turtle?" The puppy made a confused noise but leaned forward and licked Jody's cheek.

"You are not naming her turtle, even if it is oddly fitting because she's tiny. No." Alex said seriously as she got up and walked back into the kitchen and placed her bowl in the sink. She came back and stood in front of Jody with her hands on her hips.

"Well…give her to me," Alex said impatiently.

"I see who's more important," Jody said joking as she rubbed her nose against the puppy's who wagged her small tall in response.

"You couldn't compete with the cuteness that is puppy," Alex said as Jody transferred her over to Alex.

"Yeah you definitely need to find her a name soon, puppy isn't going to cut it," Jody said shaking her head and getting up from the couch.

"So I'm going to go. Call if you need anything. I'll be sure to text you a list in the next few days," she said with a wink making it seem like she was joking even though they both knew it's exactly what Jody was going to do as she closed the door behind her. Heh. It took a while but it's nice to have a friend like Jody. She's a good person to have around. Bad girlfriend, better friend. At least we're on the same page now.Alex set 'puppy' down on the floor gently and walked around and ended up in the bathroom, her mind unconsciously telling her to take care of her arm.

Washing it off and putting more Neosporin on it to minimize any scaring she went back into her kitchen and grabbed herself a pint of French vanilla ice cream. Flopping onto her fluffy couch she felt 'puppy's paws against her leg and picked her up to let her settle into her lap as she turned on the TV that she usually couldn't stand but she found 30 Rock and couldn't help but laugh with Tina Fey's self deprecating sense of humor. When she was nearly done with the pint she had a spoon left and ate half of it, letting her puppy have the last tiny licks.

"This will not be a regular thing," she told the puppy who seemed to be enjoying the treat. After the spoon was licked clean she picked up the puppy, cradling her in her arm as she put another bowl in the sink and sighed when she looked at how they had piled up so soon but didn't mind because she had a dishwasher in her apartment, which was rare to her. Taking a few seconds to load the machine after setting 'puppy' down she scratched behind her head trying to think of what she needed to do. Looking around her place she noticed 'puppy' sitting by the front door.

_Right! Time to go out. Smart girl._ She thought to herself as she grabbed for the thin leash and latched it onto her little collar. Opening the door she happily said lets go as though she were talking to a baby and chuckled when the puppy's ears perked up. A half hour later 'puppy' was taken care of after could up and down a few blocks and Alex stifled a yawn. Getting back inside her apartment she hung the leash on the latch near the door where she kept her keys and made her way upstairs as 'puppy' kept by her ankles. She stopped though when 'puppy' let out a very tiny whimper as she looked at the stairs.

"Oh, you can't get up little one?" Alex cooed. When did she become such a softy she wondered to herself? "Alright, come here," she said patting her leg and 'puppy' placed a leg on Alex's shoe. Alex leaned down and picked her up, letting the dog lick her face while she carried her up to her bedroom. "You don't get to sleep in the bed though, no missy, you will get a comfy pillow though, okay?" she asked her even though it wasn't up for debate. The puppy licked Alex's face making her laugh and set her down again once she was in her room. The little dog followed her into the bathroom though as Alex washed her face and brushed her teeth getting ready for bed.

Minutes later she was out of her work clothes and in her light pajamas. Placing a pillow on the floor the puppy bound up on it, circled the middle a few times and then bundled into the middle. The large pillow made her look even small and Alex pet her head before she turned off her light and drifted off to sleep, content she didn't feel so lonely.

The next few days were spent doing her usual routine, plus one more task of taking care of 'puppy'. Occasionally she would bring her to work and the few friends she had that she worked with were both surprised that Alex had gotten a dog and then they quickly were won over and understood why Alex immediately loved the little thing, though some were annoyed that she didn't have a name yet. It had been nearly a week so some tried to persuade her with their own ideas. Some of her more well known friends tried to think of anything that related to Alex from bands to clothes to colors to mythology. Mythology was only recommended by her close friend who agreed to come to the party she had planned for Saturday night.

"Juno," her friend said frowning.

"Nope," she said looking at 'puppy' who sat unmoved.

"Junebug?" her friend tried again. "You did get her June…" she said making a point. Alex looked up from her paperwork, to her tiny dog, back to her friend and shrugged.

"When she likes a name she'll probably respond to it."

"Alex, she's a dog." Her friend said slightly exasperated.

"A smart dog," Alex said happily as she continued to look over her work and to prove her point someone came into the building and 'puppy' was about to go over and see who it was because Jody would sometimes sneak her little treats but Alex snapped her fingers and she stopped and laid back down in her little, simple bed that was in the corner and 'puppy' went back to laying down. Alex's friend Ryder made a pfft noise and went back to her office.

Hours later as Alex was getting ready to head home her cell phone rang. Without looking at the name she said a nonchalant, "yeah?"

"Alex?" The person asked on the other end. "It's Marissa."

Alex almost dropped her phone. She didn't expect to talk to her again. Sure Newport was big and there were things to do but it was a relatively small town compared to LA. She had forgotten somewhat about Marissa, even though she was always in the back of her mind, but 'puppy' had kept her distracted and occupied.

"Uh…hi," came the unsure response from Alex.

"Are you busy tonight?" Marissa said cutting to the chase.

"No, not that I know of." She said as she put her things away, placing the phone between her shoulder and chin while she snapped her fingers lightly making 'puppy' follow her to the door. She no longer needed a leash, she was quick to learn to stay close to it was more or less a waste of money. It hung unused on the hook in her apartment.

"Oh. Do you want to do something tonight?" Marissa asked with nervousness in her voice, though it was clear she was trying to conceal it.

"I'm kind of tired…but if you want you can come over and we can watch a movie if you don't mind just sitting around," she replied as she made her way to her jeep, placing her things in the back seat and her dog in the passenger seat.

"You're not too tired?" Marissa checked.

"Nope, I'm fine, give me a half hour and stop by," she said lightly while her engine came to life.

"Alright, bye," Marissa said sweetly and she hung up. Alex tucked her phone into her pocket and began her drive home but made a last minute decision to pick up a few pints of ice cream for herself and Marissa.

By the time she got home she only had fifteen minutes to change, feed the dog and make sure everything was set, not that she needed to worry. Her place was always clean now that she had the time to and her bed was always made and it always smelled good because of the few bamboo stick, scent diffusers she had around the place, a light vanilla scent always wafted through the air.

Just as she put away her work clothes and fixed her tank top she heard the doorbell ring. Never had 'puppy' barked when someone was at the door so she always had to be sure she didn't get stepped on since she would rush to the door and sit beside it with her tail wagging waiting for the visitor.

Hurrying downstairs so Marissa didn't come in and not notice 'puppy', she mumbled a commanding wait towards the ground and when the little dog jumped up once and put her legs against Alex's leg she said in a placating tone, "Nooo, you know better." So the little dog backed up and waited a few feet away from the door then opened it to see an amused Marissa.

"Talking to yourself?" she joked.

"Nope, there's company," she said back lightly and watched Marissa look around curiously, her eyes never looking towards the ground to notice the little dog who was patiently wagging her tail but growing more restless by the second. Alex couldn't let her sit there any longer so she turned her head to the side and said sweetly, "Puppy, come here." Marissa's eyes lit up when she finally saw 'puppy' as she rushed towards her. Immediately bending down Marissa scooped up the tiny dog and held her closely as she rose back up to be level with Alex.

"Oh my god, when did you get a dog? She's adorable! I can't believe you have a dog. What's her name?" Marissa said excitedly as she was being licked on her face and even near her ears making her giggle even more.

"Um well…a couple days ago…she is a little too cute," Alex said narrowing her eyes at the dog who's ears perked up at the sound of her voice, "and she doesn't have a name yet. She's picky," Alex said shrugging a bit.

"How does she not have a name?" Marissa asked shocked.

"Nothing seems right for her. So far she hasn't cared much for any of them." She said honestly as Marissa continued to pet her new addition.

"What did she say no to?" Marissa said frowning at how odd that sounds, asking if a dog didn't like a name.

"Ugh, there's been so many ideas thrown around. Jody suggested a few but Kitty and Turtle are the only ones I remember. My friend Ryder said Juno and Junebug, which made more sense since I got her in June." Alex said scratching the back of her head. "But so far nothing so 'puppy' is temporary." She said looking between Marissa's soft face and 'puppy'.

Marissa looked into the dogs face, their eyes never breaking from one another for a long time. Standing there with Marissa holding her dog Alex felt forgotten about and looked on amused as though a silent conversation was going on between the two. A few more seconds of unwavering eye contact went on until Marissa finally said happily, "Liv" in a tone filled with pure conviction. The puppy let out a happy yip and then a louder bark and wagged her tail so much her whole body shook. Alex's eyes nearly came out of her face as she looked at their interactions and what just happened. She had never heard her dog bark and Marissa steps in and finds her a name.

"Typical. You name my dog and she loves it." Alex said astonished.

"How can you tell?" Marissa asked interested.

"She's never barked before, let alone looked like she was ready to run a mile," she said with a smile.

"Liv, huh?" Marissa asked turning back to the dog in her hands. The puppy gave a quieter bark but still an enthused bark all the same.

"Go figure," Alex said rolling her eyes. She doesn't get to name her dog, Marissa gets that right. "It works though," she continued, "her middle name's going to be Freya," she said with certainty and Liv looked to Alex.

"Where did that come from?" Marissa asked frowning at Alex, looking between the blue eyed girl and Liv's big brown ones.

"She was the goddess of love in Norse mythology," Alex said running her fingertips along Liv's ears. "So her name in a way is Liv Love," she said with a smile. Marissa smiled back and then stood there smiling at each other until Alex's mind kicked in and asked, "Did you want to actually come in?"

"Yeah," Marissa said as she nuzzled her face in Liv's who had a paw against Marissa's cheek.

"Planning on putting my dog down anytime soon?" Alex joked.

"Nope," Marissa said in a upbeat tone and Alex glanced back noticing Liv didn't seem to mind at all. "I didn't know you like mythology," Marissa said once she was closer to Alex.

"Mmm yeah, I have a few books on Greek and Norse mostly," she said honestly.

"I didn't know that." Marissa said trying to be nonchalant but her surprise slipped out. Alex shrugged and replied, "You never asked." Marissa frowned at this and took a seat on the metal stool she sat at last time, still holding Liv close to her.

"So…I haven't gotten the tour of this place," Marissa said changing the conversation.

"Hm, alright. Tour and then movie?" Alex inquired towards Marissa on what she'd like to do.

"Sure," Marissa said happily, hopping off the stool lightly.

"This is the floor…"Alex said with a mocking tone as she stood where she was and then began to walk towards the hallway. Marissa made a noise similar to pluuf and followed her. That's the bathroom, Alex said flicking on the light and letting Marissa's eyes wander over it.

"Nice colors," Marissa said impressed.

"Thanks," Alex said turning the light back off. "This is the guest room," Alex said and she turned on the track lighting and took in Marissa's reaction which was again shocked at seeing the minimalist style, a large mirror with a black edge on the wall adjacent to the bed and a flat wooden sculpture that made a large tree that took over most of the wall behind the bed and a large window with dark blue sheer curtains to balance the warm brown that was on the walls. There was a bonsai tree on the side table, next to the bed and a few small candled on the table that matched on the opposite side.

"This is…really nice," Marissa got out finally. Alex smiled and turned off the light to head to the next room.

"This is the library or kind of a comfortable office," Alex said turning that light switch on and watched Marissa take in the smaller room in comparison to the guest room. This room had built in bookshelves that lined a wall from the floor to the ceiling and a very comfortable chair off to the side of the window an orchid plant on a small table. Marissa's eyes enlarged as she looked at all the books, which were quite a lot. Some were interior design ones organized neatly, some were innovative magazines but most were books. Some colored photography hung on the walls and a few colorful glass balls hung in front of the window, each a different size, shape and style. There weren't any curtains to this room. Overall it looked very relaxing and unique.

Turning off another light switch she made her way to the last room and opened the metal door more and flicked the light switch on to the last room. There were posters lining the two walls that were most visible when entering the room, all were framed but put together in an organized looking puzzle piece. Shelves of records and CD towers lined another wall and the old futon was against one of the walls with an old wooden table with a few music magazine on it. There was a small stereo across from the records and CD's and a record player next to that. The room looked great with the robin's egg colored walls and very sheer black curtains to contrast the colors intensely. Marissa walked more into this room than the others and turned around in a full circle.

"This one's second favorite, your bedroom comes in first," she said petting Liv. Alex quirked an eyebrow and dared to ask it out loud but her curiosity got the best of her, "Why's that," she asked.

"This room is a lot like the old Alex I knew, your bedroom is more…sophisticated and it makes me feel calm. I love the colors in your bedroom and there aren't any distractions." Marissa said honestly.

"That's the idea," Alex said smiling a little as she nodded. "So are you ready for that movie?"

"Yeah," Marissa said stepping out of the room, letting Alex turn off the lights, waiting for her so they could walk the short distance to the living room. Shutting the door Alex turned to Marissa and mentioned having ice cream if she wanted any and then offered her anything to drink.

"If you have ice cream I'll take some water," she said happy.

"Alright, but you do know you have to put my dog down to eat unless you want her to eat it off your spoon," Alex said as she stopped in front of the freezer and grabbed the pints out of it.

"Fine, I'll put her down," Marissa said as she made herself comfortable on the couch but placed Liv on the cushion next to her, only to look at her when Liv curled up next to Marissa's thight. Bringing over two spoons and the ice cream Alex handed Marissa her preferred flavor and took in the adorable image. Finally settling into the couch herself she turned on the TV and DVD player that had Almost Famous in it since her friends bothered her to rent it.

Getting comfortable after getting back up to grab Marissa a glass of ice water she ate her ice cream and laughed at parts she found amusing until she fell asleep in the corner of the long couch that was perfectly small since it was made for a small apartment at Crate and Barrel. The last she knew was that Marissa was trying to keep her eyes open as well but she didn't want to wake her. Drifting off to sleep herself she didn't notice Marissa lay her arm across her waist and her head rest on her shoulder.


	7. Chapter 7

Waking up nearly a half hour later and only from Liv liking her hand, she shifted her head and moved her neck from side to side cracking it and took in Marissa's arm around her.

Oh. Ugh. This couch may be more comfortable than the futon but I need my bed. She reached her arm out and Liv hopped over to her lightly, looking to be pet. Trying to remove herself from Marissa's grasp was difficult. She tried numerous times knowing Liv would have to go for a short walk but Marissa held onto her waist tightly and resisted.

Finally, Alex gave up and knew she had to wake Marissa who, after she looked at more closely had circles under her eyes. _Oh, Marissa…_she thought as she sunk back into the couch. Running her hand along Marissa's bare arm she tried to wake her. It took a minute but her eyes fluttered open and she looked directly at Alex, eyes glazed and unfocused.

"Sorry…I have to take Liv out," she said looking down at Marissa's arm and Marissa's eyes followed Alex's gaze and quickly released her tight grip from around Alex and moved her head back.

"Oh. Yeah…its late. I should go." She said rubbing her eyes.

"No you don't," Alex said gently. "It's two AM, you can stay if you want," she finished as she slowly got up and Liv jumped up, putting her front legs on Alex's thighs then hopping over to Marissa to lick her face slowly as though trying to wake her up and coerce her into joining her.

"Anyway, Liv seems to want you to stay," Alex said, possibly using Liv as an excuse for Marissa to stay longer.

"Alright," she giggled as she sat up more and took Liv in her arms and set her on the floor. "Can I sleep in your room?" Marissa asked glancing at the floor and then at Alex.

"Sure, you like it, I can take the downstairs one," she said working it out.

"No…I mean…I'm not kicking you out of your bed…could you stay with me?" Marissa got out, visibly looking vulnerable.

Alex wanted to hug her and ease the tension out of her but she just nodded and mumbled, "Yeah, that's fine." Marissa gave a slight crooked smile and followed Alex to the front door, Liv trailing behind them with a spring in her step.

Opening the door, Marissa seemed nervous when she leaped out into the tiny yard and Alex snapped her fingers making Liv walk near her side. Marissa seemed impressed and walked comfortably next to Alex but Alex noticed she blinked for long periods of time.

"Go on," Alex said gently, allowing Liv to leave her side when she thought it was safe and looked back at

Marissa who didn't notice a large rock as she began to fall forward but Alex grabbed onto her waist and pulled her closer to her to make sure she didn't fall on the ground and hurt herself. Marissa looked startled and more awake then.

"Mmmm thanks," Marissa said looking at Alex who's body was really close to hers. Alex on the other hand could feel how cold Marissa was and smelled her perfume, feeling a little hazy.

_God its pathetic how much that affects me-how much she affects me._ She thought as she felt her arms hold Marissa tighter as she tried to will her body heat into Marissa. They held each other like that until Alex felt Marissa's grip on her shoulders tighten a bit and so she shifted them to a standing position and dropped her arms from Marissa's waist and then quickly looked around for Liv. She whistled and in a few seconds Liv was by her feet.

"Ready to go back inside?" she asked Marissa who wrapped her arms around herself, trying to keep in the warmth. Marissa nodded sleepily and Alex reluctantly held out her hand for Marissa who seemed surprised by the offer, but Alex didn't want Marissa to fall again and it seemed like she was on her way to being a somnambulist. Leading Marissa back to her apartment was quick, less than a block away but she quickly let Liv in and locked the door behind her then led Marissa upstairs, careful to keep holding her hand up the winding staircase.

"Rissa, you need to change your clothes, okay?" Alex asked her gently once she sat her on the bed. Marissa nodded and let out a quiet, "alright." Alex turned to her dark wooded dressed and grabbed another t-shirt and sweat pants for Marissa. Placing them beside Marissa she looked at her and gently lifted her chin with her index finger.

"I have to go and get Liv, you change while I'm gone then?" she asked gently looking in Marissa's eyes. Marissa nodded and moved her arm grabbing the clothes. Alex dropped her hand and went to go get Liv, taking her time, throwing out the empty pint containers of ice cream that were gone and getting herself a glass of ice water leaving it on the counter to brush her teeth downstairs. Picking up her dog and balancing the weight of the puppy and the glass of water Alex ascended the stairs.

Setting the water on her side table and Liv on the ground, she saw Liv make her way over to her usual pillow but stopped near Marissa to lick her foot, causing Marissa to wake up a giggle. Alex was glad Marissa had managed to change into the clothes she gave her, she didn't think she could managed changing her clothes for her. Marissa sat up slowly and looked down at Liv then to Alex.

"She's so cute," Marissa said just as a yawn was coming out. Alex made her way next to Marissa and looked at Liv who looked up at them warmly.

"You haven't seen anything yet, watch…" Alex said looking from Marissa then to Liv. "Smile Liv, Smile," she said raising her voice in a happy way as though she were talking to a baby. Liv grinned back showing her teeth and make smiling faces at Marissa and Alex. Marissa giggled and looked at Alex amusement on her face.

"What?" Alex asked skeptically.

"Nothing, this is just a side I've seen to you before," she said honestly.

Alex could only nod once and slowly got up to go change herself, purposefully avoiding any lingering looks from Marissa.

When she came back from the bathroom after she was changed in her shorts and black tank top she notices Marissa was already curled in bed but was shivering a little. Soundlessly getting into bed she pulled the covers closer to Marissa and then turned her light off.

Moving closer to Marissa, she wrapped her arm around her, pulled her closer gently and ran her thumb over the light brunettes forearm. In turn Marissa pressed her body into Alex, eliminating any space that was previously between them forcing Alex to breath in Marissa's hair as the Marissa took Alex hand in hers and intertwined their fingers.

Feeling Alex stiffen against her back she turned her head towards Alex, looking over her shoulder again and frowning at Alex Marissa whispered, "I want you to hold me." Alex released a little of the tense muscles but didn't move so Marissa moved her head back in the position it was before and grabbed Alex arm gently, pulling to over her waist, making her hold her tighter. Finally feeling Alex relax Marissa was able to drift off to sleep, Alex following her into the dark soon after.


	8. Chapter 8

Adjusting to the light, she wasn't as surprised to feel Marissa cuddled into her side, her arm over her stomach again and her head on her shoulder. She didn't think it looked comfortable but Marissa's deep breathing seemed fine. She felt the light brunette slip her hand under her shirt just a bit but it caused her to take in a sharp breath of air causing Marissa to stir a bit but her eyes remained closed. Feeling Marissa's hand move again, her palm pressing into Alex's hip bone and pulling her closer Alex had to remind herself to breathe.

A few minutes later she felt Marissa's fingertips graze along her hip bone making Alex bite her lower lip and close her eyes tightly. When she opened them she looked down and saw Marissa with her eyes barely open. She didn't release Alex from her hold though, she seemed content to stay right where she was but she did stop her hand movement to Alex's gratefulness.

"I have to take Liv out," Alex mumbled using her dog as an excuse to get out of bed.

"Okay," Marissa said tiredly. Alex was happy she didn't push it as she slowly got out of bed once Marissa removed her arm from around her.

"Do you want breakfast before I head to work?" Alex asked looking Marissa over and she had to admit she looked adorable with the sleepiness still evident in her eyes and movements.

"Mmm I wouldn't say no to it," Marissa said as she rolled back over facing Alex.

Nodding to Marissa, Alex let out a low whistle and Liv came bounding over to her. Taking her time going downstairs, she held Liv close to her and descended the steps then set her down to watch her run to the door, opening it for her. She let the dog out and watched her from the door.

It only took a few minutes so Alex leaned against the door way and closed her eyes. She opened her eyes when she immediately felt slightly cold hands glide over her stomach, arms wrapping around her stomach from behind and pull her slightly backwards. Growing tense she looked behind her at a still sleepy Marissa.

"You took my heat away," she said in a whisper, her lips close to Alex's shoulder, making her breath linger on Alex's exposed skin.

Alex shuddered and stepped out of the embrace; again looked at her, slightly hurt as though she could see Alex's walls building back up, stronger and higher than before and possibly with reinforced steel. Taking a step back from Alex, Marissa looked her over, unsure of what to do. Unsure of what to do herself Alex, pivoted towards the door and let out a whistle, Liv bounding inside in seconds.

"Breakfast?" Alex asked, trying to find a safe conversation as she shut the door. Marissa nodded and Alex walked to the kitchen, leaving Marissa and Liv to follow her. Before she got set to making breakfast she grabbed a throw blanket off the couch and offered it to Marissa who took it and sat at her usual stool.

"Omelet and hash browns alright?" she said looking at Marissa who had the blanket wrapped around her shoulders now.

"Great," she said looking at the counter top and then briefly at Alex.

Grabbing herself a diet coke and popping it open she quickly worked on making Marissa the same eggs as before but this time with basic potatoes. She got everything out and within fifteen minutes she had everything on plates and juice in a tall glass for her and a small dab of sour cream on the hash browns with some pepper sprinkled on them.

Looking over the food Marissa said a sweet thank you and grabbed the fork and began to eat happily. Alex grabbed an apple and started to eat that while she gave Liv some of her own dog food and refilled her water bowl. Throwing her apple core into the garbage she excused herself to the upstairs saying she had to get ready for work and asked if Marissa was going to school.

"Yeah," she said after swallowing a large bite. "But I want to wait till you head off to work," she said with a barely noticeable smile.

"Why?" Alex said with confusion.

"I like what you wear to work," Marissa said with a shrug as she picked up her glass of juice and then drank from it, clearly allowing the glass to obstruct any chance at adding further dialog.

"Alright," Alex replied with a frown but headed upstairs for a very quick shower. Grabbing whatever she saw first in her closet she put on dark jeans and a dark blue, almost black v neck shirt and put on the same necklace she wore when Marissa first stayed over. Tying her hair back in a loose pony tail she put on very little make up, mostly a touch of mascara to make her eyes stand out more noticeably and rushed back downstairs in record timing so she wouldn't have to explain to Jodie why she was running late. She looked at Marissa who's jaw dropped just a little and walked into the kitchen.

"Done?" she asked looking at the plate that only had a little remaining on her plate.

"I can't eat anymore, it was delicious though," she said looking at Alex's eyes.

"I'm glad. So…you can pick whatever you want from my closet, but I really need to get going," she said resting her hand on the cool counter tops after she slung her bag over her shoulder. Taking the cues Marissa got up from the seat and made her way upstairs while Alex put the dishes and empty glass in the sink.

"Alex…" Marissa asked over her shoulder, "are you going to be busy tonight? I mean I don't want to take away your time with anything or anyone and I don't want to intrude on any plans…I was just wondering because no one's going to be at my house and I don't really want to be in a big empty house, but you can say no because I could probably stay at Summer's," she said in a rush. Alex just stared at her trying to process everything she said after it sunk in that Marissa was nervous.

"I'm not busy tonight, I have to do a few things but I'll be back by 9:30 so you can come at 10 if you want," she said gently.

"Great," Marissa said quietly and then quickly went upstairs to pick out some clothes. Alex took the opportunity to brush her teeth in the downstairs bathroom and came out as the lengthy, lighter brunette came down with one of the items she wore yesterday but with a pair of Alex's pants on. Liv tried to follow them out the door but Alex said a commanding stay so she sat down on the ground and let them close the door. Once outside Alex got into her jeep and Marissa in her own red car.

"Call me if anything changes," Alex called over to Marissa. Nodding back Marissa started her car and pulled out heading in the opposite direction as Alex.

Work went by smoothly. It was midway through the week so everyone seemed mellow. Jody didn't pick up on anything and she was able to leave earlier than usual. Making her way home she stopped to pick up a bunch of flowers to liven the place a little. Seeing that that only took a few minutes she grabbed some more ice cream, cereal for herself and the few items Jody did not so subtlety text her. She arrived home at five and was happy when Liv came bounding over to her but looked past her into the yard, if you could consider it a yard.

"What Liv? Do you want to go out?" Alex asked her as she set the bags on the counter and began to put the items away while she left the door open for a breeze to come in. Placing the flowers in a dark blue vase she took care of everything else and took Liv out. While she was coming back she got a warning about an incoming call as her phone vibrated.

"Yeah?" she asked in the phone a little nicer than usual since she knew Jody wouldn't call her.

"Alex? Don't you ever say hello?" A teasing voice came out of the device.

"Only in person," she joked back.

"Mmm well…would you mind picking me up from school…I got detention so I let Summer take my car back and now she's busy and so is everyone else but I could call someone else if you're busy," she said in a rush.

"Rissa, inhale, exhale," Alex said teasing her back.

"Okay." She said and paused. "So would you mind?"

"No, I'll be there in a bit, I'm just taking Liv out and I'll meet you out front." She said calmly.

"Oh, bring Liv," Marissa replied happily causing Alex to roll her eyes.

"Yeah Yeah," she said and click her phone shut. Still in her work clothes she locked her door and grabbed her puppy and sat her in the passenger seat. It took her less time than she expected as she parked her jeep to the side of the entrance and walked over to where she saw Marissa who looked really tense from Alex's perspective.

As she rounded a corner, giving her a better view of the front she saw the guy who was at the beach, yelling at her and then leering at her. When Alex saw him grab Marissa and hold her arms tightly she saw Marissa cringe and try to step out of the hold the expression seeing red came to her mind. She was livid, more than livid she wanted to kick this guys head and knock some sense into the bastard. Jogging over to her she stood beside Marissa and said in a commanding, cold tone-Stop. The guy released his hands from Marissa but didn't move back.

"We're talking," he said through his teeth and shoulders square.

"You're done talking." Alex said as her voice grew even more cold, from the corner of her eye she saw Marissa take a step back and move towards Alex and the guy seemed to grow more annoyed, his body language sending off anger. "It's time for you to go," Alex said not breaking her eye contact with this guy. The guy didn't get the hint and he took a step towards Alex.

"This time I'm not wasted," he said as he pulled out another knife behind his back and Alex grew more rigid and really, really angry, possibly the most anger she's ever felt in a long time. _Really? This guy and fucking knives. Seriously!_ She said in her head as she moved Marissa more behind her, afraid to look away from this guy into her eyes.

"Trey stop it!" Marissa screamed from behind her, her fear making her voice almost crack.

Alex was happy no else was around, though she wouldn't mind a cop showing up, even though she generally has an aversion to them. She watched as Trey took a step toward her and Alex got into a sort of defensive, fighting stance. _This needs to be over with, now._ She said commandingly in her head. Trey made a swing at her with the knife and Alex grabbed onto his wrist, careful to avoid the knife.

She heard Marissa take in a sharp gasp and she twisted Trey's arm around behind his back. She was now positioned behind his back and facing Marissa. He kept his eyes to the ground then looked back over at Alex who had a firm grip on his entire arm. She bent it a little and pulled upwards. If she really wanted she could dislocate his shoulder. He tried to hold onto the knife but she knew this position made it really difficult to grasp anything so she turned his arm and applied a little more pressure making him drop the knife to the ground. She placed her foot on it securely and glanced at Marissa who looked like she was about to cry. _God, what a fucking bastard_. She thought to herself. This is the last of it.

"You do understand you're not allowed to talk to her again?" Alex asked but clearly commanded in her tone to Trey. He grunted in response and Alex clenched her jaw and pulled up on his elbow a little more making him fall to the ground more. "A clear answer would be best," she said as she pressed her knee into his lower back, digging it into his spine.

"Yeah," he angrily mumbled into the pavement as his breath expelled in a pained gasp.

"Good," she said coldly, without any emotion that resembled anger but was closer to resentment. He tried to break free of her hold again but she only twisted his wrist more and she heard a low snap. Jesus, I did not want to have to do that but he does not take the hint! Applying more pressure on his lower back knowing it would stop him from struggling more she leaned down next to his ear and whispered…

"You're a pathetic waste. It's time for you to leave town," she said and paused. "Unless you want the police involved and since I have this knife here with your prints on it I don't think it'll take much convincing since Marissa saw everything, do you get what I'm saying?" she asked bitterly. He nodded his head against the cement. "You're leaving-tonight." She made perfectly clear.

He again tried to break out of her grasp but she lifted his arm roughly and leaned back down to say in his ear a little louder than before… "Do you want me to dislocate your fucking shoulder?" He shook his head and stopped resisting a little. Slowly getting up, Alex kept much of her weight on her foot that was over the knife. He didn't try to swing at her, instead he slowly got up, looked at Marissa one last time, which made Alex want to punch him, but she clenched a fist and kept her gaze on him. He slowly stepped back and then jogged off without looking back.

A few seconds after she heard a car start and peel away, she let out a frustrated sigh and looked at Marissa who had a mixture of emotions across her face. Anger, sadness, fear, anxiety, worry, relief and a few others Alex couldn't place at the moment.

"Are you okay?" she tried to ask in a calm tone even though she was still very angry herself. Marissa looked at her for a few seconds and then nodded her head. "I mean, I'll be fine," she said quietly. Alex looked her over, her exposed arms looked a little red from where he grabbed her but they wouldn't leave any bruises. Still the marks made her really livid.

"Want to get out of here and go somewhere?" Alex asked somewhat quickly.

"Yeah, your place?" She asked wearily.

"Sure…let me just…" Alex said and trailed off as she took her shirt off, leaving her in a dark blue tank top. Bunching up the shirt in her hand she bent down and picked up the knife, mindful of closing it and kept it in the shirt as she walked with Marissa to her jeep, noticing that Marissa had become gravely quite.

When they got to the car Alex placed her shirt behind her seat and watched as Marissa was surprised to see Liv. It was the first time she saw her smile since she came to pick her up. She was happy Liv was a nice diversion. Opening the door Liv jumped up and placed her paws on Marissa's stomach as Marissa pet and rolled her face between her palms. Then picked her up and got in, setting the puppy on her lap. Buckling in, Alex looked over the campus and was content that no one had seen the fight since it was completely desolate. B

Backing out and heading towards her apartment Alex kept looking at Marissa who seemed content in giving Liv attention, but there was some tension underneath her attempt at seeming fine. Occasionally she would frown and bite her lip and when Alex focused on the road she could feel Marissa's gaze on her. Not wanting to push Marissa into divulging any information she decided to wait until they got to her apartment, for the light brunette to feel more relaxed or possibly after everything has sunk in and processed she'll tell her.

They didn't talk much through the ten minute car ride as the calm voices of Au Revoir Simone and then Azure Ray played through her I-pod. Arriving at their destination Alex switched off her iPod, looked at Marissa who picked up Liv in her arms and her bag and then followed her to the door once Alex shut everything off and slammed her door. Unlocking her apartment, she let Marissa step in first and walked in slowly. Luckily she wasn't right behind her, otherwise she would have ran unto her when Marissa abruptly turned around. Squinting at Alex, Marissa frowned and looked like she was about to say something.

"Yes?" Alex asked skeptically. Marissa frowned a little more but set Liv down on the ground who tracked over to her bowl, waiting to be fed.

"You lied," Marissa said with her hands on her hips.

"About what?" Alex asked honestly confused.

"You lied about how you got cut on the beach!" She said raising her voice. _Oh hell. Someone needs to hit me. Marissa looks good even when she's angry. Where's Jodie to slap me when I need her? _Alex asked trying to suppress a smile that was beginning to form due to her train of thought.

"Did you want me to tell you and have you worry?" Alex replied calmly. Marissa looked off to the side, bite down on her lower lip and looked back into Alex's eyes, both already knowing the answer, but being stubborn Marissa wasn't done yelling.

"He could have killed you!" She said, her voice rising again. Alex shook her head and Marissa narrowed her eyes.

"No. He couldn't, only by the off chance that he did hurt me and it was a scratch," Alex said crossing her arms in front of her stomach. Marissa's eyes went wide then she began pacing.

"I can't have you keep defending me. What if you weren't there? He's going to come back and…" Marissa said as she walked back and forth as Alex looked on worried. Gently grabbing Marissa's arm Alex pulled Marissa slowly into her and wrapped her arm around her waist and her other arm around her back, forcing Marissa to stand still as she rubbed her lower back trying to sooth the tension out of the taller girl. Alex felt Marissa sigh into her and her body press closer to her as Marissa's arms wrapped around her shoulder. She kept making small circles on her lower back and she said in her ear rather authoritatively, "He's not going to bother you," and then she felt Marissa hold her tighter.

"No. He's…he's Ryan's brother. He's not going to leave. He has a reason to stay." She said into Alex's shoulder, her breathe grazing Alex's collar bone. Alex pulled away and looked at Marissa shocked.

"He's Ryan's brother?" She asked trying to control her voice. Marissa could only nod as Alex moved a few inches away from her, making Marissa drop her arms from around her shoulders and hold herself making her look unsure and bare. Alex instantly felt bad for moving away from her but she couldn't help by the information. Suddenly she felt a wave of exhausted hit her, the adrenaline leaving her body. She rubbed her forehead and pressed her fingertips against her temple.

"Doesn't matter, he's leaving town so you won't have to see him again," she said waving her hand in front of has as though she pushed Marissa's anxiety and thoughts that Trey would come back and bother her away. Marissa frowned at this new information.

"What did you say to him?" she asked becoming calm again.

"I bluffed, no big deal." She paused and looked at Marissa. "Do you want to take a nap? I just got really tired," she said pointing her thumb towards the bedroom. She noticed Marissa pause and think over what she was asking. She could almost see the gears going in Marissa's head…so she waited, shifting her weight a bit.

"Alright," came Marissa's short reply and so they both made their way upstairs after having a brief conversation about whether to leave Liv downstairs or take her with them. Alex decided she was fine and took Marissa's hand, barely holding it and she led her to the winding staircase. She dropped her hand as they climbed the steps and Alex for a brief second in her state of fatigue began to take off her top but stopped abruptly when she remembered Marissa was there and decided she needed to censure herself, she wasn't used to having someone share her room.

"Um sorry," Alex mumbled as she pulled the bottom of her tank top back down and headed towards her bathroom, but Marissa's soft voice made it over to her and she stopped suddenly when her mind processed what she heard.

"I don't mind," Marissa said playfully. Alex gulped and turned back to Marissa, trying to cover up her shocked expression but she clearly didn't do a good job because Marissa lightly laughed at her.

"Don't let me stop you," she said with a little more confidence as she stood there, her arms crossed over her chest as though waiting for Alex to get on with undressing. Alex couldn't stop her jaw from dropping. _I must be going insane. Marissa acting all in control is hot…can this girl do no wrong? Yes she can, she can break your heart. _She reminded herself as she shook her head as Marissa stood there with a smirk on her face. She turned to head back into the bedroom to quickly change.

When she came back, after splashing some very cold water on her face Marissa had taken off her sweater and grabbed the pajamas she wore last night wearing them again and looking comfortable as she laid in bed. She lifted her head and patiently waited for Alex to get in beside her. When she did she didn't hesitate to wrap her arm around her stomach and rest her head in the nook of her neck leaving Alex to smell her hair since it was right under her nose. Releasing a sigh Marissa looked up at her and looked at her with conflicted eyes.

"Feeling shy?" She asked as she pulled at Alex's shirt material and bunched it in her hand, disappointment laced her voice.

Alex made a point to not touch Marissa. _She has a boyfriend, she has a boyfriend, she's your ex, she's your ex._ She chanted in her head. Drawing out a long breath that she didn't realize she was holding she glanced at Marissa out of the corner of her eye and noticed she looked nervous but still very cute.

"Next time ask nicely and we'll see," she said quietly but with control. Marissa lifted an eyebrow, seemingly surprised by Alex's answer.

"I'll remember that," Marissa whispered while she turned over, untangling herself from Alex, her back pressing into the dark brunette's side. A few minutes of comfortable silence passed between them until Marissa mumbled into her sheets, "I'm cold."

Without any words or making any visible sound that gave away a response from Alex she slowly turned over to face Marissa and wrapped her arm around her waist, pulled her closer into herself and they settled into each other, Marissa edging further into Alex, forcing Alex's lips to touch between her shoulder blades. Alex moved her face back a few centimeters but let her nose graze the back of Marissa's neck, breathing in her scent a little more and her arms held Marissa tighter, having a mind of their own, but she noticed Marissa didn't mind.

In fact, if anything Marissa slowly turned her head to look at Alex who still had her eyes closed, on the edge of falling into a peaceful rest. Feeling Marissa's gaze on her she kept her eyes closed and managed to mumble a coherent command that came out softer than she intended.

"Sleep." Then she felt Marissa turn back and within a few seconds Alex was asleep. Her last thoughts being - _I'm such a push over._


	9. Chapter 9

They woke almost an hour later. Alex stretched out first, well one half of her body. She didn't want to disturb Marissa who seemed to be sleeping soundly, so she kept her arm wrapped around her.

When Marissa made a noise like she was having a nightmare Alex leaned over, held her tighter and whispered in her ear, "It's a dream Riss, just a dream." Marissa unconsciously moved closer to Alex and stopped making anymore noises. Laying there for a few more minutes she felt Marissa grow tense and so looking back over at Marissa she noticed some tears brimming her eyes. Releasing her arm from Marissa's waist Alex began to rub her back up and down while repeating, "Marissa, time to wake up, it's okay, it's only a dream, Rissa…" but Alex was cut off by Marissa's eyes opening and peering at her.

Her eyes looked slightly more green when she cried. A frown crossed Marissa's sad features and Alex couldn't stop herself, she wiped the two tears that fell silently with her thumb, barely touching her.

"It was just a dream," she whispered, looking over her features one at a time, her eyes, her nose, her mouth, her eyebrows that were still frowning….

"I know, they're just so…real," was Marissa's tortured response.

Alex didn't want to push Marissa so she lightly held onto her waist to try to convey that she was there to comfort her as she slowly rubbed along Marissa's side, attempting to ease the tension out of her back and tight muscles. Looking away from Alex at the wall and then back at her and then the sheets she tried to find the words to explain, her frown not vanishing.

"Sometimes…I dream about the beach and how he could have….and it was so loud, the yelling and I couldn't think…but everything seemed turned up, the feeling of the sand, the waves…it was like… this overwhelming mixture of…fear and…and I wanted to…get out of my body somehow…but he was on me and his weight was…crushing me and it was like…a sensory overload," she said quietly trying to make sense of her thoughts. She paused and looked at Alex, worried but Alex looked down at patiently and held her a little closer, in a way to ward off all the demons and harmful things that managed to make their way in Marissa's life.

Taking a shallow breath Marissa pushed herself closer to Alex as she shivered and turned back to looking at the sheets. "It keeps replaying in my head sometimes…and I want it to stop but…it only does when I'm too exhausted to remember my dreams…and sometimes I want to scream because I feel like somehow people know and they're looking at me differently and…other times I want to pretend it never happened but then I'm reminded by it when I feel this crushing weight…like this constricting force…and I feel like I'm going insane," she said choking up.

"Shhh Rissa, it's going to be okay. He's not going to come near you, I promise," Alex said reassuringly as she rubbed her arm. "If you want…maybe you could see a therapist," she said gently. Feeling Marissa tense she looked into her eyes. "It was just an idea," Alex said lightly when she saw Marissa set her head on her pillow again.

"I don't like them," she mumbled and left it in a tone that wasn't up for debate.

"Okay," Alex replied gently not pushing the issue. She didn't want to push but she needed to make one point… "it wasn't your fault," she let out quietly. Marissa turned over completely and looked at Alex bewildered.

"How do you know what I'm thinking?" Marissa asked barely above a whisper.

Alex shrugged in response and thought it over. _I've unfortunately had friends go through various situations and I know one of the worst things is being trapped in your mind. Like post traumatic stress or something…replaying and almost becoming obsessive in an attempt to try to understand it; but there's no understanding something like that, someone being that cruel, which a delicate way of putting it is. It's evil._ Alex finished her thoughts there. They laid together comfortably, Marissa was about to fall back asleep as she lay on Alex.

"Do you want to get up?" Alex asked gently.

"Mmm I should, get some homework done," she said stretching.

"Alright, I have to take Liv, but you're welcome to stay unless you want to see what Summer's up to or something," she said leaving options open for her. She swung her legs around the bed when Marissa released her hold on her. Her joints cracked when they pressed against the floor and she looked over her shoulder at Marissa who remained unmoved.

"Are you coming back to bed?" she asked with a hint of nervousness.

"Mmm no, I have to do some things…"

"Oh…maybe I'll go over to Summer's if wouldn't be too much to drop me off," she said lightly.

"No problem, let me just get changed," she said glancing at the clock. It was almost seven, she had to meet Jody and a few of her coworkers at a bar in a while. Going over to her closet she grabbed her skinny black pants and a somewhat revealing shirt that didn't have much of a back to it.

"Got a date tonight?" Marissa tried to ask nonchalantly but Alex could sense that slightly jealous undertone.

"No, just going out, meeting a few friends," she said fixing the collar of her jacket. "You'll actually get to meet them if you want to come to the party on Saturday." She finished remembering her plans.

"Oh, okay, sounds good," she replied lightly getting out of bed.

"Summer and Seth can come to if you want and you can bring Ryan," Alex said regrettably, pausing in her bathroom doorway.

"Alright," Marissa said nodding slightly, leaving Alex to turn to wash her face and put on some lip gloss, giving Marissa enough time to change back into her clothes.

Coming back out, into her bedroom, Marissa was just beginning to put on her other shirt and Alex stopped abruptly, willed her eyes to look away but they seemed glued to Marissa's back and the tattoo, remembering the events that led up to it and their spontaneity.

Luckily, Marissa didn't notice she was there so Alex quietly made her way to the top of the stairs and then headed down to let Liv out, leaving the door open as she put on her converse style high tops that had cute robots on them. Then she grabbed her iPod, looking over the playlist. She remembered when it fell and stopped working once, she was devastated without her music on her nearly at all times, but she bought a new one and as far as possessions went this one was key, just as a cd player had been years before…

Marissa came bounding down the stairs looking rested and picked up her bag.

"I'll do the work at Summer's," she said absentmindedly. Alex nodded, whistled and Liv came hopping back inside, looked at Alex and then saw Marissa so she pranced over to her with her little stubby legs she looked adorable.

"Awww cutie, I'll see you sometime later, promise," Marissa said bending down, picking her up, staying in the kneeling position and kissed her near her ears. Liv turned her head and licked Marissa's nose. Settling Liv down gently and headed out the door with Alex.

The ride was made in relatively comfortable silence while some of Death Cab's earlier songs played, mostly from We've Got The Facts and We're Voting Yes. Pulling up aside Summer's large house Alex let Marissa out and actually waved to her this time before driving away to meet up with her friends.

Arriving a little later than expected Alex pretended to not realize the glare Jody was shooting at her and took a seat at the bar with her friends. Hoping that Jody would get the hint she ordered herself a small coke and rum and lazily began drinking it.

"Were you with Marissa?" Jody said cutting to quick after everyone gave their pleasantries. Making a point to not roll her eyes, Alex shot her friend an annoyed look making everyone go quiet.

"Yes," came her short reply and then took a larger sip of her drink.

"You're getting in deep," was Jody's response after a short length of silence.

"Drop it Jody," Alex said without any interest or emotion.

Jody put up her hands as though she were being arrested and gave her signature smirk then turned back to the light conversation with her friends.

For the next three hours Alex, Jody and their friends enjoyed themselves until a few more friends of friends came and a girl came in, well more accurately a woman, Alex guessed around twenty-four who immediately started flirting with her. Alex tried to be nice and polite until the woman who slightly resembled Zooey Deschanel leaned over and kissed Alex softly on the lips when comfortable silence spread over them. Alex was somewhat taken by surprise but she started kissing back until something in her mind told her it didn't feel right.

_I mean…it feels good but it's not what…I want… _she thought to herself, cursing her brain for not just giving in and enjoying the girl who was easy to talk with, a seemingly nice personality and had nice eyes. _Ugh, what is wrong with me!_ She thought as she pulled back with a frown. The woman looked her over and frowned back at Alex's expression.

"You're seeing someone," she said lightly in a way that was somewhat sure of itself and asking.

"No," she said with a light sigh, "but I might as well be," she muttered.

"What?" the woman asked as though she didn't catch what Alex had said.

"Nothing," she said solemnly, "you seem nice, but I…" she said trying to find the words.

"Don't worry about it," the woman said gently, with a surprisingly understanding tone and she nodded slightly.

Alex nodded back and let her shoulders release a bit of the tension that had built in them. Looking around and noticing nearly all her friends had left she glanced at the clock.

_Midnight thirty! Okay it's not that late but I have to work tomorrow and finish a lot of deals. Ugh._ She thought, using her own way of telling time because in the past she would say she'd meet someone at twelve something and they wouldn't know if she meant the afternoon or at night so it cleared up a lot of issues and people yelling at her because of her odd hours since no one knew what to expect from Alex's schedule. Shifting her gaze back over to the woman next to her she politely said she had to leave.

"But it was nice meeting you," she said charmingly to avoid any awkwardness.

"You too," she said nicely back after Alex was near the door and then Alex slipped out, got back in her jeep and drove back to her apartment.


	10. Chapter 10

When Alex got home and looked at her bed she didn't realize how tired she was until she saw her pillows and the blankets which seemed to be waiting patiently for her to use them.

Slowly taking off her jeans and bra she got in bed with just her underwear and a tank top on. Liv after greeting Alex by the door, settled down on her own pillow and began to go back to sleep. She was in the middle of a dream when she heard her phone buzz and then rumble on the side table.

Groggily reaching out an arm she felt for her phone and tried to make the ringing stop as soon as possible. Flipping it open, she mumbled a barely audible, "Yeah?"

"Alex, long time no talk," a surprisingly alert and cheerful voice said back to her. Lifting herself up to peer at her clock she took in that it was a little past one. "I'm dropping Marissa off in ten minutes," the voice said without pause, in nearly one breath. _Oh, it's Summer…wow brain, way to work._ Alex thought then looked at her phone somewhat perplexed when Summer disconnected.

Beginning to sit up Alex thought _I guess I have to get up_ as she reached for her bedside light to turn it on. Her eyes automatically closed and she willed herself to get out of bed, one leg, then the other slowly touching to the floor. Finally opening her eyes she was shocked to see Liv sitting in front of her with her held tilted a bit to the side.

"Cute," Alex said out loud and then bent over to scoop her up and take her downstairs to unlock the door for Marissa.

Once she and Liv were sitting on the couch, Liv in Alex's lap they waited for Summer and Marissa to arrive. Alex wasn't even able to process why Summer would call her in the middle of the night to drop Marissa off but she didn't really care to process it, she just wanted to go back to laying down. Marissa would tell her later if she wanted to or she could maybe figure it out on her own, just not right now at almost one twenty AM.

As her eyelids drooped lower and lower a knock broke her from her half asleep state. Moving Liv off of her and placing her on the floor she opened the door knowing Marissa and Summer would be there but instead she only saw Marissa with a small bag looking at her with green eyes.

Alex didn't take her eyes away from Marissa's for a few seconds knowing that green eyes meant she was crying before…but then she looked out and saw Summer who was already backing out with her arm lifted giving a lazy wave to Alex.

Lifting her hand and giving a brief wave she watched as Summer drove away quickly and turned her entire body to look back at Marissa. She looked exhausted and raw…no makeup on her face, not that she needed it and a sad attempt at a smile. Instinctually Alex stepped closer to her and wrapped an arm around her waist, the other around her back more and she felt Marissa immediately give in and hold her tightly, one of her own arms clinging to Alex's shoulders and the other around her neck more. Feeling Marissa shiver she moved back a bit to look in her face.

"You want to come in or catch a cold?" she lightly joked. Marissa left their embrace and walked into the apartment but was stopped abruptly by Liv running over to her and jumped up on her exposed legs.

"Liv down," Alex said without much sternness but the puppy stopped and sat down, her gaze never leaving Marissa and she whimpered.

"Awww come here Liv," Marissa said dropping her bag, bending down with her hands opened in front of her making Liv immediately jump into Marissa's awaiting arms. Watching them interact Alex didn't feel any regret towards adopting Liv at that moment, not that she ever regretted it but this cemented how much she loved it all. Shaking her head she asked gently, "Ready to go to bed?" While still holding Liv, Marissa bent down to pick up her bag and began to make her way upstairs, Alex followed her slowly after locking up again.

Settling into bed she saw Marissa slip off her long sleeved shirt and stand in a thin tank top. Pulling the blankets back to get in she avoided looking at Marissa. Feeling her body relax into the soft mattress she waited for Marissa to get in. when she did she turned off the light and moved closer to the center.

"Hold me," Marissa said gently while an undertone of command slipped in.

"So demanding," Alex teased playfully as she wrapped her arm around Marissa's waist, gently pulling her closer while she pushed herself closer to the light brunette. Feeling Marissa shiver she lifted the blankets closer to them and pressed herself into Marissa more, who settled into the warmth of Alex. Moving her arm around to Alex, Marissa's hand reached out and placed her palm on Alex's thigh, her fingers gently squeezing. Alex let out a soft sigh as she felt Marissa visibly relax. She didn't want to say anything or question why she was here, that could wait until tomorrow if that conversation needed to be made, though she was pretty certain Marissa was having a bad dream and so she came here, that was her rationality as she drifted off into content oblivion.

When Alex woke from feeling a weight on chest she tried to focus her eyes. Looking down at her own body she saw Marissa hold her as her arm lazily laid across her stomach. Smiling at the sight Alex brushed some hair out of Marissa's face, trying not to disrupt the sleeping girl but her light actions stirred the light brunette. Giving an apologetic smile, Marissa smiled back at her, seemingly happy by their position as she held Alex a little tighter.

"Mmm do you want breakfast?"

Nodding her head and then sitting up, her hand supporting her head she looked into Alex, her eyes questioning but content. "Yeah, that would be great."

"Alright, get dressed or take your shower," Alex said as she moved out of Marissa's embrace who seemed unwilling to let the dark brunette leave her arms.

"Stay," Marissa said as she pulled Alex's shirt closer to her with her hand on her hip.

"You're only using me as a pillow," Alex said slightly teasing, unable to stop from smiling a little bit.

"Not true," Marissa said seriously. "You can cook too," she finished in a playful tone as she poked Alex gently in the stomach.

"Aren't you a comedian…so what do you want to eat and it'll be ready when you're done." Alex replied as she tried to get out of bed again. This time Marissa didn't stop her when she heard her stomach growl.

"Whatever," Marissa said dismissively as she laid back down.

"Okay, well you're not having breakfast in bed, that why there's a kitchen," Alex joked, "so get up," she said lightly slapping Marissa's thigh making her laugh and grudgingly get out of bed. Stretching she mumbled, "At least it's a Friday." Alex stopped her movements at the top of the stair case and turned to Marissa.

"It's Friday?"

"Um…yeah.." Marissa trailed off.

"The party is tomorrow, I lost track of…" Alex trailed off, waving her hand in front of herself. Turning back around she went down to the kitchen and left Marissa to get ready for school. About ten minutes later as she listened to a playlist with The Elected, The Flaming Lips, The Decembrists, The Shins and some others as she drank her hazelnut latte. She got out some fruit and cut it up, placing it in a clear bowl after she put some yogurt in the bottom. Turning down the song Los Angeles I'm yours by The Decembrists she heard Marissa start coughing and trying to clear her throat.

Swiveling herself to the cabinet she got out some tea bags and set to making Marissa a drink. A few minutes later when everything was just being placed on the dark counter, Marissa began to come down the stairs with Liv in her arms as Alex poured some honey into the tea and set it next to the bowl of fruit. When Marissa put Liv down she scampered over to her food dish and Alex began to give the puppy her food who sat by patiently wagging her little tail. Once that was finished she put the tea on the counter before Marissa who had already sat down and was eating happily. Smiling at Alex, Marissa noticed the tea and gently picked it up the mug. Smelling it she asked what kind it was.

"Chamomile, cause you know…you're such a spaz, I thought you might need to mellow out," Alex said with a slight wink. Marissa playfully glared at her. Looking at though she was going to kick Alex's ass or attempt to Marissa got out of her chair and took a few steps towards Alex.

Smirking at Marissa she quickly said, "I have to go get dressed," trying to avoid being late to work. Moving out of Marissa's way she quickly walked to the staircase and all that could be heard were The Shins song Split Needles and the dull sound of Alex going upstairs.

While Marissa finished her breakfast and enjoyed her tea Alex took a shower in record timing and got dressed, choosing a dark pair of skinny jeans and black t-shirt with a small silver necklace that held a tiny pocket watch. Fixing her hair so it had light curls in place she headed back down to see Marissa finishing her last bite. Turning off her music and picking up the empty dishes Alex set them in the sink and looked at Marissa who was now inches away from her since she sneakily moved closer to Alex. Looking down at the darker brunette Marissa quickly moved her head to the side and kissed Alex on the cheek.

"Thanks," she said happily in a gentle tone.

"Um…sure…ready to get to school?" Alex asked while trying not to visibly blush even though she felt a little flustered. Marissa took a step back and made her way to the door. Alex shook her head slowly when Marissa's back was turned to her. Don't think about it, it didn't mean anything, it was just random and Marissa's being…Marissa.

When Liv let out a quiet whine Alex's legs kicked into gear, she followed Marissa out the door after putting on her motorcycle boots. Leaving the door open Liv followed Marissa outside and jumped up on her legs. Picking Liv up after shifting her bag on her shoulder she looked back at the door and asked, "Are you taking her with you?"

"Yeah, she usually comes with. She's spoiled." Alex said with a crooked smile as she stepped out and locked the door. Swinging her keys around her finger Alex got in her seat and Marissa did the same as Liv settled into her lap.

Started her Jeep, hearing the engine roar to life she backed out and then made her way to the school. They sat in silence listening to As Tall As Lions. When Alex pulled to a stop she saw Summer come over towards them but waited for Marissa to meet with her. Alex noticed Summer give her a strange look and brushed it off. Marissa got out of the car and placed Liv on the seat. Before heading over to see Summer she seemed to stall and looked at Alex tentatively.

"I'll see you," she said gently. Alex nodded and was about to say something until she heard Summer's voice interject.

"Coop." She said in a commanding tone. Alex looked over at Summer who stood impatiently.

"Bye," she said to Marissa with a tiny smile then backed out and headed to work. She didn't look at Marissa or Summer as she drove away quickly, trying to get to work so she could leave early to finish some errands.

Work went by quickly and she was distracted enough to not let Jody's teasing about the girl who kissed Alex at the bar get under her skin.

"Work Jody," she would say, not lifting her head from her papers and purposefully not engaging.

"You're no fun," Jody said and walked away, clearly giving up.

The rest of the day went by quickly and by the time she was done she realized she could leave an hour and a half early. Carrying Liv in her arms she put her on the passenger seat and headed to the store. She gave Liv an apologetic look and said, "Sorry, you have to stay in here. I'll bring you a treat though," She added and she saw Liv wag her tail.

Getting out of the car she flipped her keys in her hand a few times and began to pick things out. More things for the party, more food, some of the crap Jody wanted and….a toothbrush for Marissa. _She stays enough, makes sense. And this one's perfect._ She thought as she picked up the hot pink toothbrush then she made her way to the check out where she noticed the cashier checking her out. She didn't mind, she resembled Mia Kirshner.

Lightly smiling at the girl she thanked her and headed back out where she gave Liv a small treat, then she drove home and operated in a lazy manor from the slight boredom of the usual routine, though she danced around to Rilo Kiley, Autamata, and even some Jet. It put her in a good mood as she put away everything and did the dishes.

Hours later after she settled into watching some Wonderfalls on dvd she heard a knock at her door. Looking at the clock she read it was eleven forty six. It was a little late, but she's had friends come over at later hours before. Turning of the TV she slowly started getting up, then unlocked the door and was surprised to again see Marissa with a small bag and holding a tiny cardboard box.

"Hi," Alex said with hesitancy.

"I hope you wouldn't mind…if I stayed over…I kind of can't…" and then she trailed off. Alex looked deeper into Marissa's eyes and noticed they were startlingly green. Moving to the side, holding the door open she motioned with her arm for Marissa to come in. Liv came bounding over, spotted Marissa and gave a gleeful bark while she jumped up trying to get her to pick her up.

"Hey you, I brought you something," she said bending down, opening the tiny box and slowly pulling out a gourmet doggie treat, laughing in the mean time.

"I knew it, you come over here to hang out with my dog. It's blatantly clear now," Alex said joking with her hands on her hips after she shut the door.

"Well yeah," Marissa said back with a shrug after she stopped laughing. At least she could make Marissa laugh she thought. Alex fought to not roll her eyes and instead locked the door back up and went towards the kitchen. After she was behind the counter and Marissa was near the chair she always sat at she asked her if she wanted anything.

"Tea?" Marissa asked. Alex nodded and grabbed the light blue kettle, ran the water in the sink and filled it then started with the rest of the things opening the cupboards and such.

"You want to listen to any music?" she asked while putting the tea bag in a deep red mug.

"Yeah," came Marissa's short response.

"Any in particular? Mellow, happy, really upbeat, calm?" she said listing off anything.

"Calm, but not elevator music," Marissa said smiling.

" I Do Not have elevator music," was Alex's response, making a clear point she was slightly offended.

"True," Marissa smirked. Alex just looked at her for a few moments and saw her eyes start to clear over, becoming less green and almost a clear blue. Searching through the many playlists on her i-pod she settled on one that had bed light for blue eyes doing a cover of jumper by third eye blind, meiko, margot and the nuclear so and so's, and paramore only doing acoustics. The both settled into listening to the music and enjoying each other comfortable silence.


	11. Chapter 11

Author's Note: If this seems rushed or disconnected it's because I've stopped writing it numerous times and then I'll pick it up when I'm in different moods/mind frames. And in case anyone noticed. I google images of Olivia Wilde to describe her clothes because I sometimes/usually like what she wears. As a warning I was in a mood to write a tense scene. Hope you enjoy it.

* * *

Song by song played as Alex got Marissa the tea and herself some water. Liv kept trying to get more treats by being even more cute with her antics and soon enough a half hour passed of them sitting and listening to the rain that had begun to pour outside. Though no thunder or lightening was present, it felt oddly fitting to Marissa's mood, which seemed tired and edging on depressed, Alex thought. She wanted to brush away the tortured looks Marissa would let slip and show to the world or more accurately show to Alex when they were laying together late at night or a moment such as this when Marissa seemed deep in thought, a constant frown seemed expressed on her features.

"You okay?" Alex asked gently, her eyes softening from her usual intense glare. Marissa shook her head slightly as though to clear thoughts away. Alex waited patiently for her response.

Noticing Marissa let out a deep, but controlled sigh Alex felt the need and want to comfort her, to make the tension release from her shoulders that seemed tense and rigid.

"I'm just tired. Do you want to go to bed?" Came Marissa's dismissive reply.

Nodding her head slightly Alex responded, "sure" and set her glass in the sink then made her way to her bedroom. Marissa followed bringing her bag and Liv upstairs.

Once upstairs, Alex went into her walk in closet to pick out some pajamas while Marissa changed into her own, coming out of the closet she didn't notice Marissa bite her lower lip and her gaze wander over Alex's body appreciatively; though not in a lecherous fashion…more alone the lines of…she's beautiful and I want her to hold me kind of way. Alex was busy pulling the hem of her shirt down over her slightly exposed stomach as she pulled back the covers to get into bed. Again Marissa shook her head and made her way to the bathroom to get ready for sleep. Alex heard the water running and then Marissa mutter a few curses.

"What's wrong?" Alex asked sitting up a bit in bed.

"I forgot a bunch of things. Ugh, I think I'm going insane. I can remember so many things I want to forget but I can't remember daily things like a toothbrush and a comb," Marissa said frustrated with an undertone of depression in her voice. Alex had an idea of what Marissa's mind may be constantly thinking about but she didn't want to push her. If Marissa wanted to talk she would let her bring it up.

"Mmm well, there's a toothbrush for you in the drawer and you can borrow one of my brushes if you want," Alex replied calmly. Marissa looked at Alex as she leaned against the doorway. Her shoulders relaxed a bit but some of the tension still remained. The look Marissa was giving Alex was one of surprise and warmth, as though Alex's calm demeanor helped Marissa to relax and her thoughtful consideration was a sweet surprise.

"Thanks," Marissa said with happiness in her voice and then she turned around. Alex heard the drawer being opened and saw Marissa move around in the bathroom only to come back to lean against the doorway with the toothbrush in her hand, holding it up as though she were in front of a classroom giving a show and tell presentation.

"It's pink."

"Oooo you still know your colors, I'm proud." Alex's smart ass reply came back, but they both knew she was teasing.

"It's hot pink!" Marissa said raising her voice.

"Yeah," Alex said with a shrug and this caused Marissa to roll her eyes. "It's fitting," Alex added. Marissa scoffed and then pointed at Alex with the toothbrush.

"You're never going to let me live that down are you?" She asked back playfully.

Alex smirked and shook her head. "Mmm no."

"Fine," Marissa said turning back around. Although she tried to seem serious her playful tone was apparent and Alex was content that they both seemed happy. Marissa came back a few minutes later looking refreshed and her eyes were clearer, though Alex tried to avoid looking in them for a long time.

_Make up your mind. You want to hold her and make sure she's okay, you don't want her to push her to explaining anything but you don't want to look at her. Talk about contradiction. _

Alex shook her head lightly and waited for Marissa to get into her bed.

_That's right. I'm waiting for my ex to get into my bed so I can hold her so she feels better. What's wrong with this picture? Stop thinking, just make her happy, that's the least you could do. And why am I still talking to myself in my head? _

Marissa in the meantime was getting in on the other side of the bed, oblivious to Alex's inner turmoil due to her own, which Alex noticed she was deep in thought because wrinkles were forming as she scrunched her eyebrows and her gaze was far off.

"Rissa," Alex asked with concern.

"Yeah?" She responded softly.

"Um…are you alright?" Alex asked unsure whether she should push Marissa to open up, if it was too soon to try to find some sort of resolve. The lighter brunette seemed to be thinking it over for a few minutes as she bit her lower lip in the process.

"I'll be fine," She finally let out once and was facing Alex in bed but avoiding eye contact.

"…okay," Alex said looking the girl over who seemed to have shrunk into herself.

"You?" Marissa asked back.

Alex was slightly taken aback. Rarely did it seem as though Marissa asked her how she was. She had gotten used to that which is why she subconsciously pulled away from really letting Marissa see her or perhaps it was out of fear. She was self-aware enough to know she was somewhat of a brooding type and she was hard to love. Therefore she always made a point to try to be a good friend to people.

Having her as friend is better than nothing at all…the least I can do is be protective and make sure she's comfortable, but it feels like that friend's line is being crossed or blurred or…disintegrating. Alex thought to herself, while she looked at the sheets on the bed which looked liked waves with the dark blue material. She was also aware that the sheets made her eyes stand out more but she simply liked the color. She finally made contact with Marissa's eyes when she felt a hand cupping her jaw, the other girl's fingertips grazing the back of her neck.

"Alex?" She asked tentatively.

"Mhm?"

"What are you thinking?" She asked wearily.

"Honestly?"

"No, I want you to lie to me," Marissa said sarcastically to ease the tension that had fallen on them. Alex smiled weakly and made a point not to touch Marissa knowing she wanted to hold onto her as long as it took to ease the haunted look that would fleet across Marissa's face and displace her mood.

"In that case...I think I should go back to bartending, get hit on by drunk guys, live in the old apartment and be exhausted again." She lightly joked.

"No, I like your new life…and the current version of you."

"Current version? You didn't like me before?" She asked curiously.

"I didn't say that. You seem…less tense than before. I mean you're still a punk…but you're more… sophisticated now. You were always…confident, but this suits you more." Marissa said as she moved her hand from Alex's jaw line to her waist, resting on her hip, as her tone both playful and serious.

_Interesting. I'm not less tense. I guess I hide it well enough…_Alex drifted off into though again.

"Really, what were you thinking," Marissa pressed again. Alex let out a quiet sigh.

"I…want..you to be happy. And I want..to make sure you don't get hurt..and I wanted to kill that guy but I'm working on…my anger issues," she mumbled the last part.

"Alex, you don't have anger issues. You're just protective and I really appreciate it. I mean, you showing up at the bonfire to beat up Ryan wasn't exactly a high point," Marissa said quietly.

Alex slightly flinched at the mention of the bonfire and Marissa clearly noticed because she held Alex tighter and moved closer while Alex moved her gaze back to the sheet.

"But I get why you did that. And I'm alright, I'm happy when I'm here," she finished lightly.

_What about when you're not here?_ Alex wondered.

"Alex?" Marissa asked tentatively.

"Mmm?" Alex replied still in mid thought.

"Are you going to hug me so we can sleep now?" Marissa asked with her slightly impatient tone seeping out. Alex smiled back at her and saw that Marissa was looking at her expectantly.

"Yeah," was her short, tired reply, her attempt at appearing calm when in fact she was thinking in various layers.

_Jesus, is she aware that she has me wrapped around her finger? And hell she has that girlfriend tone. But…we're not together. I need a post-it in my head to keep reminding me or something. _

Alex let out a sigh as she felt Marissa shift her body position and press her back into her as they settled into one another, fitting perfectly. Alex instinctually lifted her arm to wrap around Marissa's waist and pressed her palm then fingertips to her stomach. To her surprised Marissa moved her own arm and placed her hand on Alex's thigh, lightly squeezing the muscle that had just become tense at the contact. Willing herself to relax Alex let the tension release from her shoulders and back as Marissa pushed closer into her making Alex smell her hair and her neck now only millimeters away.

_Need to sleep, need to go to sleep, need sleep. Don't do anything, you need sleep, she needs sleep, she's your ex. Need to go to sleep._ She thought to herself as she shut her eyes tighter when Marissa squeezed her thigh just a little more. _Need to sleep. Is that your new mantra? Hell. _Were the last of Alex's thoughts before she shut off all of her senses and drifted off to sleep. Holding Marissa tightly, without her own knowledge, completely unaware that Marissa had been close to having an emotional breakdown before Alex had held her.

When morning came Alex groggily opened her eyes to realize she was still holding Marissa tightly. They had barely moved an inch in sleep. The only difference was Marissa's hand was curled over Alex's who still had her hand pressed against Marissa's stomach, only now her shirt had risen up a little and Alex was touching her smooth skin that seemed to be radiating heat. Gulping down a lung full of air, Alex had forgotten to breath. She shifted her weight and tried to move her arm away from Marissa even though she was internally struggling with what she wanted and what she should do.

_One day I'm going to wake up with a headache from all this bullshit of inner conflict._ Alex felt Marissa tighten her grip on Alex's hand, making her stay there, their bodies still fitting together.

_Or not. I could just give in…_Alex thought but then shook her head. _No, there's things to do…and by the look of Marissa the girl needs to be fed._ Alex's last train of thought made her bite her lip and look down at Marissa who slowly turned towards her and looked up at her.

"You're going to make yourself bleed," Marissa said quietly.

"Oh." Was Alex's short response after she immediately stopped. "We need to get up," she continued.

"No, we don't have to do anything," Marissa said holding Alex closer. "I don't have school today, you don't have work and your bed I'm sure feels neglected because you don't use it enough," she lightly joked.

"We really…have to," Alex said, unable to say why she couldn't stay in bed with Marissa for much longer. She looks too cute with her hair a little messed up and she's relaxed, it's too damn cute.

"Why do we have to?" Marissa asked with a playful undertone.

"Because…I have things to do," Alex said reaching for an explanation.

"They can wait," Marissa said in a serious tone with a demanding edge as she burrowed her face inches away from Alex's neck, her head resting on the darker brunette's shoulder while she wrapped her arm around her more.

"They can't…there's the party," Alex tried again.

"Five more minutes," Marissa mumbled into Alex's neck, her breath slightly tickling her skin.

Letting out a sigh and wrapping her arm around Marissa's waist she pressed her hand against her lower back and Marissa moved even closer.

"Okay," came Alex's only response. _Pushover, that's my new found title. Wonderful._ Alex thought sarcastically. Soon enough they fell back asleep. A little over an hour later Alex opened her eyes again and this time she wasn't wrapped around Marissa. Instead they were both on separate sides.

Looking over at the light brunet who seemed just as relaxed as before Alex smiled and slowly got out of bed. Liv came bounding over towards her, stopping at the winding stair case and looking at her expectantly. She looked as though she was about to let out a whimper so Alex signaled for her to be quiet, bringing her index finger up to her mouth and saying Shhhh. Then she picked up Liv and made her way downstairs to cook a late breakfast for Marissa, take out Liv, rummage around and see what she needed for the party and check her music selection.

Setting Liv on the floor she started to make breakfast; oatmeal with honey and fresh fruit for Marissa after she left the door open for Liv and an apple for herself. She grabbed a hazelnut latte for Marissa as well and set everything out on the counter and then grabbed herself a diet coke.

_Wow, I feel like Nancy Botwin on Weeds.Oh God…Mary-Louise Parker. That woman needs to show up at my door..._ Alex stopped herself from thinking any further and went to her music room, searching if she needed anything new. Which she noted She and Him, Pedro the Lion, and Jenny Lewis's new solo album was needed in her collection. While staring at the stacks of music Liv pressed her foot against Alex's leg, signaling her to close the door. Smiling down at her she walked out of the room in a lazy manor. _Mmm it's going to be a long day. I feel slow. That diet coke needs to kick in._

Once the door was closed she turned back to the kitchen and quickly fed Liv then she looked up towards her bedroom and not wanting to go back she called out, "Babe, you need to wake up." _Oh fuck. Did I just call her babe? No no no. Not good. She's still asleep, she won't remember. It's okay, she's not even awake._ To calm down Alex turned to her Ipod deck and put on some Portishead. Not realizing Marissa took a seat at the counter and had started eating her breakfast. Swiveling around she was caught by surprise seeing Marissa.

"Jesus woman, what have I told you about sneaking up on me?" Alex said holding her hand to her chest. Marissa just shrugged swallowing some of her food that she seemed to be enjoying.

"Next time make some noises, stop being so cat-like," Alex joked, making Marissa smile.

"So…what are you going to do today?" Marissa finally spoke.

"I was going to buy a few things for the party and get ready for that, so basically running around." Alex said as she tossed her bottle under the sink for recycling. Marissa watched and frowned.

"You're so…different." She got out. Alex shrugged and looked at Marissa who still looked sleepy and Alex couldn't help smile at the sight.

"What are you going to do today?" She asked.

"Probably go shopping with Summer, she wanted to buy something new for the party, but it's another excuse for her to shop, the girl could open her own boutique," Marissa said lightly laughing.

"True," Alex said smiling back. "I'm going to get dressed and head out soon, you leaving your car here or going to pick up Summer?"

"I'll pick her up, her driving has a tendency to scare me," Marissa joked, even though it was a fair statement.

"Alright, I have to rush," Alex said picking up Marissa's empty bowl and putting them in the sink after running some water then walked quickly up to her room and threw on some clothes. She planned on showering before the party. Throwing on some dark jeans, grey converse, a red t-shirt and a plaid button up with a thin brown sweater she headed back downstairs. Turning off the music once she reached the kitchen she looked back at Marissa who tilted her head a bit to the side. Alex frowned back at her.

"You…look good. Kind of Sara Quin style." She said lightly.

"I didn't know you know about Tegan and Sara," Alex said still frowning.

"Yeah, I like the con the most, I liked that Chris Walla worked on it, you can tell." She said getting up making her way upstairs.

"Mhm, they're great live, more intense and darker than on the album, I'll get us tickets sometime," Alex said with her hand on the door knob.

"That'd be great," Marissa said with a large smile.

"Good, I'll see you later," Alex said and then she stepped out, before she popped her head back in and gave directions to Marissa to use the extra key that's in the kitchen drawer and which one then she headed back out again.

Hours later after picking up food, new music, some tea light candles, plastic cups, drinks and other various things Alex headed home and rushed to put the things where they needed to be then she quickly took her shower and re-dressed in a black tank top that revealed much of her shoulders and back and then slipped on a pair of dark skinny jeans with her dark grey converse. She skipped over wearing a bra because she knew she could but also because the shirt was low cut but she put on a thin necklace with a tiny tree on it to remind her to remain rooted and grounded, to not be so tense and let anger get to her. She parted her hair to the side and straightened it out but didn't bother to blow dry it, she put some product in it and went back to preparing for the party.

An hour later after everything was set out, beer and other drinks in the sink with ice surrounding it all and stacks of cups out and a few candles lit and her music magazines and design work put away she grabbed some water and settled in front of the tv with Liv to relax. _If you're going to drink its only one and you don't even like it anyways, you only drink when you're really tense or miserable and you're calm. Calm… _She thought to herself as she watched a rerun of Saturday Night Live. Kristen Wig and Amy Adams were half way through their monologue and Alex loved it. Cute girls made her day. They didn't have to be overtly sexy. Cute was better in her book. _Like Marissa when she's waking up…_She thought but then quickly stopped herself when there was a knock at the door. She set her water on the counter and opened the door. A few of her friends came in. Leo, a surfer guy who was really mellow who she hadn't seen in a few months since her move, Sam who looked like a burley man but was really a softy and ridiculous with his infectious enthusiasm, Ali who was well known for her faith and over consideration she gives to people, Kathleen who resembled Betty Paige, a few people from work, Jody, Mikey who met Alex through his band, and a few of their friends who Alex had never seen before.

"Jesus, you guys take a bus?" She joked.

"Yeah, actually," Mikey said and he smiled like a goof. Alex peaked her head out and laughed at seeing a beaten in school bus that was a dark blue and had a bunch of stickers on it. From what she could tell one was a few band stickers, one was an Obama support sticker, one was the date for when Bush would be out of office, another was for equality, One said my goldfish is more intelligent than your honor student. _A bunch of smart asses._ She thought as she smiled. She looked it over again and was confused. It looked at thought it could decide whether to be a peace mobile with its tiny peace signs and a yin-yang or four…or a full on music vehicle. Either way it looked random and fit her friends.

"Who's is it?" She asked looking over the group.

"Mine," Leo said and proceeded to briefly explain how he needed it for his surf boards and it was cheap, they were practically giving it away. "It's perfect," he beamed. "But I have a feeling it's going to be used for a bunch of trips with my friends' bands," he said in a laid back way. He was up for anything, that's what Alex enjoyed about him. He made her feel just as mellow, possibly through some weird osmosis.

She closed the door and everyone gave some hugs, a few high fives and then seemingly jumped over to the kitchen to grab some beers and make some screw drivers and whatever else. Alex smiled lightly, a party was just what people needed. After everyone was sitting where they wanted and were comfortably talking as the new music Alex bought played another knock at the door was heard and Alex got up from her stool at the kitchen counter and opened the door.

"Alex!" Came an enthusiastic, slightly high pitched yell from Seth. She could barely make out that her name was said before she felt him wrap her arms around her with his little chicken arms.

"Seth, how have you been?" She finally got out.

"Oh Alex, Alex, Alex, you missed a lot," he said with a smirk.

"Really?" she asked raising an eyebrow.

"No," he dead panned. "It's the typical Newport life, but I dig the new place," he said trying to sound cool.

"Cohen," came Summer's demanding tone a second later.

"Alright woman, no more colloquial terms," he said cutting her off, shrinking into himself as though he were about to get hit.

_Yeah nothing has changed._ Alex thought with a light smile that couldn't help forming on her lips.

"What are you smiling about?" Summer said in a controlled tone that Alex had to admit intimidated her a little bit. Shaking her head Alex stepped aside and they walked in, she was surprised to see Marissa walk in a few feet behind them. When Alex saw Marissa the smile that she tried to suppress appeared again and she saw Summer out of the corner of her eye scrutinizing the situation. Before Marissa could open her mouth to say anything to the Alex, Summer cut in.

"Alex, you need to show me around your place. And I can't believe you're not a bland anymore. And less punk, what am I going to call you now?" She said in a rush.

_She talks about me? She calls me something? Huh._ Alex couldn't even get a response as Summer pulled her down the deserted hall way, leaving Seth and Marissa to themselves.

Not knowing what to do she peered over her shoulder at Marissa who smirked back at her and then headed to the kitchen with Seth following. A few seconds later Summer had maneuvered Alex into her music room and left the door open, but barely. Turning around to face Summer who looked at her with an eerie determination Alex crossed her arms and waited for Summer to say what she intended to, unable to escape or seem rude, Alex tried not to appear nervous but it clearly wasn't working.

"What the hell is up?" Summer asked bluntly.

"What?" Alex asked defensively in her state of confusion.

"Do you want Marissa to be an alcoholic insomniac?" She said with her hands on her hips.

"No, of course not," she said as her nervousness slightly dissipated. She paused before asking... "Why?"

"Jesus Alex, for a girl you're kind of oblivious." Summer said growing annoyed. "She sleeps better when she's with you," she finished.

"She can't sleep here all the time Summer," Alex said growing tired. She's already argued these points in her head, nearly beating them to death. "Besides, she has Ryan, she could go to him," she continued while she rubbed her temple, feeling a headache coming on.

"She could…but she feels better with you," she said matter-of-factly.

Alex whipped her head around. "What? Are you kidding, you're basically saying you want her to use me."

"Do you own your obliviousness or something? Put up a couple of signs that say-Keep out. Property of Alex?" Summer asked growing more impatient.

"What?" Alex asked looking at the floor.

"Were you not here five seconds ago?" Summer responded. "You know what, I'll cut to the chase, don't hurt Marissa, I'm not telling you to have her move in with you. You can have your own life but I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say you need to stop being so stubborn," she suggested.

"What? How am I being stubborn?" She said making eye contact with Summer. Just as Summer was about to respond the door opened and Marissa walked in.

"Ah, how are my two favorite girls doing?" Marissa asked playfully.

"Good, Alex was showing me her favorite room," Summer said lightly.

"Alex," Marissa stated her name as though checking with her.

"Yeah, we're good." Alex said moving her arms around her back, slipping her hands into her back pockets. Marissa smiled and lightly shook her head as she placed her hands on her hips.

"Summer, give a warning, next time you corner Alex," Marissa said, clearly aware of her best friend's intentions, her tone doing a 180. _Kill me now. Marissa's attractive even when she's annoyed. _Alex visibly gulped and Summer looked over at her with an amused grin as though she knew what Alex was thinking.

_This room is getting smaller, time to head out to the party…_

"So Summer…the living room.." Alex trailed off as she stepped closer to the door and opened it wider, stepping out. Summer smiled at her and they all headed back to the hallway. Marissa subtly looped her arm through Alex's as they wandered into the living room to meet all her friends as Summer walked a few steps ahead of them.

"Did tiny Summer scare you?" Marissa teased.

"Maybe…but don't tell her that," Alex said trying to be coy.

"I think she already knows. She's freaky intuitive like that," she said with a teasing smile to match her tone.

When they finally got settled into the living room and chatting with Alex's friends who all seemed to be getting along with the new crew Alex was busy wandering around the room, floating and talking with people.

She heard some coughing and sniffling to her left and looked over. Marissa was sitting on a stool and sniffled some more. Alex had to admit she looked cute. Getting up from her own seat she walked into the open kitchen after she stopped by Marissa and grabbed the beer out of her hands placing it on a side counter. She grabbed her own glass bottle of pomegranate tea that wasn't set out for and some Kleenexes then gave Marissa what she grabbed.

"Thanks, allergies." Marissa said sweetly. Alex smiled and went back to sitting in her previous seat to talk with her friend Ali who gave her a smirk.

"You and your girlfriend are cute together," Ali said.

"We're not together," Alex said without emotion.

"Could have fooled me..and just about..everyone here," Ali said gently. "We've been wondering why you haven't introduced us to her yet," she said nicely.

"She's just my friend, no need," Alex said dismissively as she teared away the label on her water bottle. Ali nodded slowly and changed the topic.

Three hours later everyone was on their way out, Seth even made some friends and Alex re-bonded with him and seemed to get closer to Summer, even though she was a little on edge with the tiny brunette. But soon everyone was out the door and not to Alex's surprise Marissa hung back and helped clean up.

Soon enough they were both exhausted and so was Liv who had been spoiled with attention throughout the party. Alex actually feared that she wouldn't get to see her dog since a few of her friends half joked that they were going to steal her. A half hour later when everything was back to normal Marissa picked up her bag and was about to leave until Alex lightly touched her shoulder, turned her to face her and slowly wrapped her arm around the taller girl's waist.

"Do you want to stay?" she asked gently. Worried that Marissa would say no. Alex tried to appear collected but she knew Marissa could look beneath her exterior and see the vulnerability hidden.

Marissa gave a lopsided smile and slowly brought her arms up to wrap around the former blonde's neck. Instead of a response she gently pulled Alex closer and barely pressed her lips against hers.

Alex instantly pulled Marissa closer to her, her right hand coming up to cup Marissa's jaw, in response Marissa shifted her body and opened her mouth a little more taking Alex's bottom lip into her mouth and slightly sucking on it and then she pinned her against the front door. Alex let out a low moan, surprised and shocked by the turn of events. Her brain hadn't started to catch up with her. She was running on instinct and wanted to make Marissa feel just as good if not better than how Marissa was making her feel. She wanted to evoke contentment in Marissa, but she needed to know that she wasn't a rebound, that this was real and she wasn't a quick tool to feel good for a few fleeting moments. She didn't want to have to assemble herself again and leave town if she couldn't deal with it.

"Wait," she pleaded, slightly out of breath as she tilted her head against the door, leaning into it, away from Marissa.

"What?" Marissa asked as she slid her hands to Alex's waist and looked at her lips.

"Am I…here so that you can feel better?" She asked frowning. "Are you with Ryan?" She asked wearily as she took her hands away from Marissa and pressed them against the door.

Marissa shifted her gaze quickly to Alex's eyes and then to the floor.

"Yeah," she finally said in a whisper and her fingertips fluttered against Alex's skin, as though she wanted to keep touching her but knew that it was wrong now. Alex gently pushed her away and shook her head to clear all of her thoughts.

"Just because you're beautiful doesn't mean you can treat people this way," Alex said growing annoyed.

"You think I'm beautiful?" Marissa asked shocked.

"Yeah, I do," she said moving some hair out of her face with her fingertips quickly. "And you're missing the point," she added.

"Fine, what's the point?" Marissa said with a sigh.

"I'm tired of feeling used. Does Ryan even know I'm in town or where you go at night?" She said raising her voice although she tried not to.

Marissa looked at the ground again. "No," she said softly.

Alex blew some air out of her lips in a puff. "I'm not surprised," she said with bitterness leaking out.

"What's that mean?" she said defensively, lifting her gaze to Alex.

"It means this is a repeat of last time. You'll end up going back to Ryan, I'll feel like an experiment again and I'll leave, since I've gotten good at that over the years. Thanks for the practice by the way," Alex said bitterly.

"For someone who's so hot, you act surprisingly cold," Marissa said angrily.

"Can you blame me?" Alex said letting her annoyance drain out of her. She was tired and she didn't want to fight with Marissa. She wanted to kiss her. Hell I'll settle for laying down with her. _There goes Marissa, so goes my sanity._ Alex thought, thinking of how odd it was to slip in a Buffy similarity when Oz says something along the lines of-there goes Willow, so goes my nation. Alex shook her head but a smile dawned on her lips.

"What?" Marissa asked gently.

"I want to sleep," she said slowly. "Do you want to go up and sleep?" she indicated tilting her head to her bedroom, again trying to hide her vulnerability and avoiding another argument.

_She wonders why I'm cold. Right, because I'm not going to be the one who gets hurt again or anything. _She thought sarcastically. _Forget it, I'm too tired for this._ She took Marissa's hips in her hands and stepped forward, making Marissa step back as she continued to hold Marissa who seemed just as tired.

"Okay," Marissa whispered. They made their way upstairs, Liv nuzzled into Alex's arms. She placed her on her dog bed and Liv let out content sigh seeing as how she was already asleep.

Alex slowly walked over to her dresser and got out some shorts and a long t-shirt for Marissa then went into the bathroom to change after she grabbed a few things.

When she came back Marissa was already laying in bed, her eyes barely open as she held Alex's gaze. Alex made a point to not show any sign of emotion or facial expression as she got into bed. She felt blank and so there was nothing to show. It felt like a dead end, a doomed one at that. She slid into bed, lifted the blanket over her and got comfortable. Marissa turned to face her and tentatively rested her arm over Alex's waist who grew tense as the contact. A few heavy seconds lingered and Marissa's frown grew more intense and looked more tortured.

"I'm sorry," she finally stated in a delicate voice. Alex looked in Marissa's eyes that conveyed a mixture of emotions.

"Mmm. Goodnight." Alex said a few seconds later after it sunk in what Marissa had said.

"G'night," she said back. With that Alex began to wind down, replaying the day in her head as she usually do and one conversation stuck. Summer saying in an exasperated tone-she sleeps better when she's with you. Alex gave up the internal struggle and grudgingly wrapped her arms around Marissa, holding her closer, whether to comfort herself or for her own selfish want she was unsure. Either way Marissa would sleep better.

_Maybe it's not so doomed._ She thought and she felt Marissa hold her tighter as they fell asleep together.


	12. Chapter 12

Author's Note: Thank you for the reviews, feel free to say what you'd like to see happen.

Ethereal123 I can't write you a private message so thank you for the review and I saw Tegan and Sara a few days ago, Sara is freakishly adorable, I loved it. They are amazing live, I wish I could have heaps of money to keep seeing them over and over but alas, no such luck.

And I didn't include a conversation between Jody and Marissa because I figured that's expected so I avoided it. Also I think it's implied that Jody doesn't have to be protective of Alex or say anything to Marissa because it's assumed that Marissa wouldn't expect anything less so it would be redundant.

Also sorry in advance if any of the readers have no idea who or what I reference throughout the story, but a lot of my own interests are put in I suppose because a writer is limited to their own perspective. Anyways…hope you enjoy and I would love it if people said what direction they'd like to see happen, I only have bits and pieces worked out.

* * *

Waking up proved to be more or less a pain in the ass since Alex felt exhausted and didn't want to get out of her warm bed, but Marissa curled around her made it rather difficult.

_She's with Ryan, she's with Ryan, she's always going to be with Ryan…_

She slowly stretched, letting out a low moan. Looking back down at Marissa she noticed the younger girl was lightly smiling.

Odd…she thought as she shifted her body and slyly got out of bed. Marissa grumbled and incoherently said for Alex to come back to bed making Alex's heart feeling tugged at ever so slightly. Her body wanting to lie in bed longer but she needed to leave and put distance between herself and Marissa for a few hours-the whole day if possible.

"I have to go," Alex said emotionless, coming off cold. Marissa sat up in bed, fully awake now. Her shirt ruffled and her eyes intense.

"It's Sunday…you don't have anything to do," she said skeptically.

"I need to be in LA soon," she stated robotically.

"Are you coming back?" Marissa asked raising her voice.

Alex shrugged. "I think I need a break. I was going to help out at my friend's club for a while," she said calmly.

"How long do you plan on staying?" she persisted.

"Why?" Alex asked, countering Marissa's question.

"Who's going to look after your apartment…and Liv?!" She asked worried.

"Are you kidding? People are on a waiting list to take care of her, but Jody is. Her girlfriend loves Liv," Alex said truthfully. Marissa frowned then visibly relaxed.

"Oh," was Marissa's short response. A few seconds passed before she added, "I didn't know she had a girlfriend." Alex frowned but dismissed Marissa's comment.

"Do you want breakfast?" she asked shifting the topic.

"Yeah, let me just get dressed," she said calmly. Alex nodded her head and went over to Liv, picked her up and headed downstairs. She went about her usual routine, put on City in Colour on her Ipod while she made breakfast after popping open a diet coke. She whisked what she needed together and made some French toast with a few drops of vanilla and cinnamon. Ten minutes later she was just finishing and placed the plate on the counter with some milk and some really good syrup.

"Marissa, breakfast," she yelled up calmly and then grabbed an apple. The taller brunette bounded down the staircase. When she go to the bottom she lightly clapped her hands together and asked playfully, "What, not in the mood to call me babe today?" Alex's jaw dropped and Marissa couldn't seem to help laughing even though her hand was covering her mouth and then she quickly wiped her forehead, brushing some hair out of her face.

Before Marissa could get a word in Alex shifter her weight and mumbled, "I have to get going," as she moved back up to her bedroom. Marissa's smirk quickly fell from her lips.

"Your breakfast is going to get cold," Alex added. Just as she moved past Marissa the taller girl lightly grabbed her hand and made her stop.

"Stay," she said softly.

"I can't," she said clenching her jaw, trying to control her voice.

"Why?" Marissa pleaded gently.

"Various reasons," Alex supplied, pulling away.

"Please?" Marissa asked delicately as she squeezed Alex's hand. Alex shifted her gaze to the floor and tried to break apart the thoughts that were overwhelming her. Threatening her mood and feeling an impending headache coming on.

"Why?" She asked Marissa, looking in her eyes, purposefully giving Marissa her undivided attention.

"I…want you to be here," she let out after a few lingering seconds.

"Well, call Ryan," Alex said sadly although it was bitter in her head.

Stepping forwards towards Alex, Marissa said, "I want to be with you," making Alex step back.

"You don't know what you want…..I'm leaving for a while..and you can figure that out," she said sadly, pausing at brief intervals as she dropped their hands and turned towards the staircase.

"Your breakfast is getting cold," she said before she ascended the steps.

"Stay and I'll eat it," Marissa said with a light smile that seemed forced. Alex then walked back over to her, stood in front of her for a few seconds, her eyes unwavering and then she leaned in and kissed her on the cheek.

"Just eat it babe," she said with a barely there smile and then turned around and went upstairs.

If she can manipulate, I can do it too. She thought playfully.

After taking a shower and putting on some skinny black pants and a dark brown hoodie with a dark blue t-shirt poking out underneath, a half hour later she went back downstairs. She delicately shut off her Ipod and slid it in her back pocket then took Marissa's plate that was cleared, washed it off quickly and noticed Marissa staring at her. She picked up the small old fashioned pocket watch that was hanging around her neck by a ribbon and looked at it quickly.

"I have to go," she said factually.

"Okay," Marissa said looking at the counter.

"You know to call me if you need…anything," she said gently. She had to stop herself from saying Me. She knew Marissa would never need her. She could be used to piss off her mother sure, but her ex…sort of ex..would never need her. Marissa nodded softly at her.

"I'll walk out with you," she said grabbing her bag that was in the living room as Alex slung her messenger bag over her shoulder. Both stepped out as Alex locked up.

"So…I'll see you in a few days," Alex said softly. Feeling as though a force was weighing her down she didn't want to move. If she were honest with herself she would stay in her apartment with Marissa for as long as the taller girl wanted. Finally they stepped towards their automobiles and Marissa slowly settled in.

"Guess so," she said sadly.

"You can always stay at my place if you want to…you have a key," Alex offered and then started her jeep.

"Yeah..I probably won't," Marissa said with an undertone of sadness. Nodding in response Alex shifted her gears and then fiddled with her Ipod. She didn't want to go, exactly, but she felt obligated. Besides everyone one of her friends knew that when she promised something she didn't back down, she was stubborn like that and she had standards. Before backing out she looked over at Marissa.

"You gonna be okay?" She asked, a little fearful of leaving Marissa alone. If she wanted to be completely honest with herself she would have told the taller girl she would miss her and that she had gotten used to falling asleep with her.

"Yeah," Marissa said with more assurance in her voice.

"Okay," Alex said slowly and then reversed, after lightly waving to Marissa. She listened to her soundtrack playlists and drove for three hours, tried to keep herself occupied but she replayed the previous night in her head, trying to comprehend it…..

_Marissa tried to wrap her arms around Alex's neck more to pull her closer to herself but Alex turned her head to the side as Marissa leaned in, her eyes focused on Alex's lips. Gently holding onto Marissa's forearms Alex took her arms off of her and stepped back._

_"Just because you're beautiful doesn't mean you can treat people this way," Alex said with her hands placed gently on her hips._

_"You think I'm beautiful?" she asked a shocked._

_"Yeah, I do," she said moving some hair out of her face with her fingertips, "and you're missing the point," she continued._

_"Fine, what's the point?" she said with a sigh, clearly giving in her attempts at avoiding the conversation that was inevitably building. Alex looked at her intensely but with exhausted eyes._

_"I'm tired of feeling used. Does Ryan even know I've been in town or where you go at night?" she said raising her voice a little, though she tried not to. Marissa looked at the ground._

_"No," she said softly._

_"I'm not surprised," Alex said with a bitter tone._

_"What's that mean?" Marissa asked, raising her own voice as her head snapped up to lift her gaze to Alex's._

_"It means," she said trailing off then taking a deep breath..."this is a repeat of last time. You'll end up going back to Ryan. I'll feel like an experiment, again, and I'll leave since I've gotten good at that over the years, thanks for the practice by the way," she said resentfully. Marissa looked at Alex with a pained expression on her face, her eyebrows frowning a bit._

_"For someone who's so hot, you act surprisingly cold." She said without emotion as though stating a blatant fact. _

She continued to listen to her music while trying to decipher her emotions as soundtracks for Across the Universe, Stranger Than Fiction and The Royal Tennenbaums' played.

When she finally arrived at her friends' apartment she got out and stretched slowly, her muscles feeling as though they had atrophied during the ride. The door to the modest apartment swung open and three people walked out energetically. Attacking Alex, they skipped the small talk and quickly thanked her for coming to help out and they were going to throw her, as they noted-a triumphant party for her birthday since they weren't going to be able to get down to Newport in time.

"Hey," Alex said drawing out her hello. "Guys, I still need my lungs," and the small ground stepped away and looked her over.

"The new hair works," her friend Chloe said nicely.

"Thanks," Alex said with a slight smile. "Sooo you guys going to let me in so I can work my magic and get rolling or are we going to talk about me…cause I'm not into that, as flattered as I am," she said playfully. Alena, a sporty-ish girl jumped up once and clapped her hands while Axel crouched down into an attack position making Alex take a step back towards her jeep.

"No no no…Axe, I…" but she was cut off as her legs were being wrapped around by his rather muscular arms and was consequently thrown over his shoulder.

"Jesus," she said after letting out a grunt. She was bound to get a bruise. He did this every time. It became their version of hello.

"Missed ya Alex," he said slapping the back of her thigh. She could tell he was smiling by his tone.

"You're a pain," she said playfully but half serious.

"Yeah, yeah," he said and plopped her on the pillowy couch once they happily inside. Picking up her head and leaning on her arms she caught Grace carrying her bags in.

"You jerk," she said looking at Axel, "You carry me in but can't handle the bags," she said teasingly. He simply shrugged and threw her a bottled latte.

"Thanks," she said as it compacted with her hand. After she drank half of it she closed it back up and sat back, leaning against the couch.

"So what about the club," she finally got out, wanting to get to the point. After all that's why they asked her help-she didn't bullshit around.

Two and a half hour later they had half of the work done, the main objectives discussed and settled on. Taking a half hour break she put her bag in the spare room and ate a snack and surfed some channels but soon became bored. She figured she could do some real surfing…

"Any of you guys up for surfing?" she asked happily, her voice loud enough to carry into the nearby rooms, the idea making her energized. Grace peeked her head around the corner.

"Always," was her response with a smirk on her face.

"Hell yeah," said Axel, his voice bellowing from the other room. Lastly Alena gave a deciding, "Let's go."

A few minutes later everyone changed and got into Alena's beaten up station wagon that suited her laid back personality well, with four boards and everything else needed for their spontaneous recreational activity.

Ten minutes later they got out of their usual secluded part of the beach and they raced to the water. _Typical crew_ Alex thought happily._ I needed this._

A little over two hours later the sun was hanging low so they decided to turn in, their bodies tired but wired mentally from the high of catching some great waves.

They cleaned off quickly and headed back to the apartment. Grace called the shower first and was out in ten minutes. Alena was next and was out in eight minutes. Alex was next and got out in twelve minutes having enjoyed the warmth. Axel went in and didn't get out for a little over twenty minutes. A few times he sang some show tunes and then alternated to hard rock so when he came out Alex quirked her eyebrows at him.

Standing in a towel he shrugged and said playfully, "I'm awesome," then turned towards his room to get changed. Once everyone was settled in a few minutes later they finished the last of the details for the club and fleshed out all the plans. That alone took another hour. By the time they were done everyone was yawning so they said goodnight and headed to their separate rooms.

The next morning when everyone woke groggily Axel made everyone his usual protein shakes, Grace made eggs and Alena did the toast while Alex sat comfortably knowing they knew her of her no breakfast thing, but Axel did manage to get her to drink the shake he made for them and to everyone's surprise Alex enjoyed it. Not long after they were done eating as they enjoyed their comfortable small talk and headed to the location of their soon to be fully operating, running smoothly club.


	13. Chapter 13

They were getting the entire club cleaned out and basically gutted in a few hours. Alex called in some of her old contacts and worked out all the details with them. A new stage was going to be built, the bar was going to be moved completely and the lighting was going to change drastically. She was exhausted by the end of the day. As were her friends and their friends who had agreed to help, though it now looked like they regretted being considerate and offering to help out. By the time they finished it was seven o'clock. They headed back to the apartment where Axel made his milkshakes again and they relaxed as they ate some salads and a very light dinner. Each friend was enjoying the quiet and relaxed atmosphere but Alena was starting to fidget and so Alex quirked an eyebrow at her.

"What?" Alena asked with her hands out.

"Not sure, did you want to keep pacing or do something?" Alex countered.

"How about surfing?" Alena suggested with a smirk.

"When have I ever said no to surfing?" Alex said with a smile, getting up off the couch. Alena thought it over playfully with her fingertips taping her chin.

"Well there was this one time…you seemed to have had your hands full," she said with laughter in her voice.

"Ohhhh yeah…well…a girl wants to kiss me and lay in bed, who am I to refuse," Alex said back with a smirk of her own.

Alena just rolled her eyes and headed to her room to change. Following her lead Alex did he same and in a few minutes she and Alena were ready to head out. They took Alena's car since Grace and Axel were off at their other jobs.

A few minutes later they were happily catching waves and enjoying the cool water. It was serene and for a brief minute Alex contemplated why she had left, this felt the closest thing to perfect she had felt, geographically speaking. She went back to Newport of all places for a nice job where she was making plenty of money and now Marissa was back in her life. Before she could start her mind to wondering where they stood a wave was beginning to form so she paddled out with all her strength, the ache in her arms feeling good. She curled up on the board, pushed herself up and got her balance easily. Riding the wave she felt connected to nature, to the earth and if it had a spirit she could have sworn she felt coupled with that as well. Finishing out the wave she smiled happily and screamed, letting out her excitement. Rarely did she feel truly alive and when those moments hit her she felt her body and mind do something that was quiet conflicting. She would feel at peace, relaxed even but she would have a sense of energy and ecstatic love for life that she couldn't decide whether to sigh or jump up and down so instead she picked up her board and stood on the beach, waiting for Alena to get in. After all they had been out for a few hours and Alex was content with the last wave to end the night.

Soon enough Alena came in and gave Alex a high five expressing her congrats to getting a great wave. They then headed back to the apartment after they took showers that were available outside, sharing a few words about how it was great to spend time together and see the crew, but it was nearing dark so they went back to the apartment, took their quick showers and got ready to sleep. To Alex is had been a pretty long day. She didn't have any qualms about running a bar again, she enjoyed her job and enjoyed helped her friends but if she could help it she wouldn't work one full time again. She fell asleep thinking of the tasks they had to finish…oh the stress, expectation, and demand of a bar…she didn't miss that much.

The next few days were repeats of the week, only more work, more lifting, more demands and more yelling. Though Alex didn't necessarily yell, she did manage to direct people to various tasks and by the end of the day she was exhausted again. She did her usual routine, talked with her friends briefly since they were around each other every other minute and slept like the dead. She repeated this pattern until the club was finished and presentable. They all stepped back, standing on the stage and looked it over. There wasn't a need for words, everyone was aware of how hard they had worked; though it was grueling it certainly paid off. Alex gently nodded her head and smiled. Breaking apart the peaceful calm that had settled over everyone Axel screamed out with his arms held up in the air, his fists clenched, "Time to party!"

Not being able to stop herself Alex rolled her eyes and joined in with the cheering of some excited whistling and someone immediately turning on music. Some people went into the back room and grabbed some beers and someone situated themselves behind the bar and began to make mixed drinks. While a few people made some calls and invited more people over Axel's booming voice was heard over the music and commotion.

"Everyone, say happy birthday to Alex, cause y'all won't be around for the actual day and give a thanks for her damn hard work," he said with a goofy grin.

Alex could only smile back, his mood was infectious. Everyone screamed out happy birthday and people began to come up to her, a few giving her shots of liquor and hugs and friendly warmth. Everyone was enjoying themselves, they now had about a hundred people in the club, it was mellow and relaxed. People were drinking, dancing, talking and more people came in through the doors. Looking around Alex couldn't stop smiling. It had been great working on this and seeing all her friends. She had been gone from Newport a few days shy of two weeks.

As she walked around the club talking with more and more people that came in the door she began to feel more relaxed. _I could just stay here…Jodie could head up the office in Newport and I could move back here and surf…be around some great friends…and great people are hard to come by…she thought as she looked around the club that was brimming with people._ Abruptly stopping her from her train of thought she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. Setting her water down on the bar she pulled her phone out and checked. It had a Newport area code. Frowning at her phone she answered it with uncertainty.

"Hello?"

"Alex, it's Summer. Look I'm sure you're having a great time in L.A. but you need to get back here," said the voice on the other line that seemed tense and nervous.

"What? Why?" Alex said, her confusion growing.

"It's Marissa…and it's not my place to say, just come back and…" Summer trailed off. Alex could hear muffling on the other end and raised voices in the distant background.

"Summer!" She said into the phone loudly.

"Yeah?" Summer asked back though not rudely.

"Is it urgent?" Alex said becoming impatient. It wasn't her strong suits and she really hated talking on the phone anyways.

"Yes, don't you care?" Summer said, her protective tone coming through the phone.

"Yeah," Alex said lowing her voice. "That's the problem," she mumbled.

"Alex, it's not a problem, just get here. Marissa's…" she trailed off. "Well she's Marissa." She left it at that and quickly added "When can you be here?"

"A half hour if I don't hit traffic, which I doubt they'll be much of, no forty-five I have to get my stuff," she said to herself.

"Okay," with that short word Summer hung up. Alex pressed the off button to her phone, frowned at it and slid it back into her pocket. She quickly grazed the room and found Axel with a cute blonde. Quickly walking over to him she didn't want to disappoint him for having to leave so she decided to try a joke to make it somehow less emotional.

"You always did like blondes," she said with a crooked smile. He took his arm off from around the girls shoulder and lightly punched Alex in the arm.

"Yeah and you had to go and dye your hair, now it's never meant to be between us, it's a deal breaker," he said with a goofy grin of his own.

"Yeah yeah, listen…I got a call and I have to go back to Newport tonight. I'm sorry to party and run…" she said with a hand in her pocket and the other holding his hand lightly. He gave her a gentle squeeze, nodded his head and looked into her eyes.

"Is it the girl that kinda, sorta, really broke your heart?" He asked gently, but in his own light way.

"More or less," she said looking away from him. She squeezed his hand back. "You know to call if you have any questions about the place, goodluck. I have to go find Grace and Lena." She said with a smile.

He nodded his head and dropped her hand in an understanding manner then turning around the quickly found Grace and Alena standing in a similar area. Quickly making her way over she explained to them briefly about having to leave, to call if they needed anything, she'd try to be back in town soon and they should come down to Orange County, all of them. Giving them hugs she stepped back and began to walk away as fast as she could without actually running. Grace called out to her that the key to the apartment was under the huge candle on the porch. Alex lifted her hand and waved thanks then stepped out into the cool, chilled night air.

The fresh smell of the ocean and nature making her feel refreshed and more relaxed. She loved running clubs, but to be honest she didn't like being around people in close proximity that much. That's why she liked to be behind a bar, to maintain distance with people. Now she had to go to Newport and try to maintain distance between one person. Marissa. She thought as she got into her Jeep, shut the door and began to back out to drive to the apartment and rush to Newport for…

_a girl you shouldn't get attached to, again, an ex who you shouldn't care about…_She shook her head and made the journey, getting all of her preparations and things together once she got to the apartment, loaded her Jeep with the few bags she brought and put on a black hoodie with a front pocket so she could fit her iPod in it and change the songs while she was on the road. Once she was ready she sighed, gripped the steering wheel and headed back…


	14. Chapter 14

When Alex made it into Newport she called Summer and asked her where they were. Summer got to the point quickly and told Alex to get to the Cohen's pool house asap. She heard the words pool house and picked up her speed a little bit.

Once she got to the Cohen's she looked around the large house, didn't bother with the front door and instead went straight through to the back. As she walked closer she began to hear shouting. More specifically Ryan's voice was booming through the backyard. Stopping at the glass door she tentatively walked in, shifting her gaze from each person that was in the room and finally to Ryan's angered expression that shifted quickly to confusion. Looking back at Summer who stood next to Seth who seemed frazzled she gave Alex what was an attempt at a smile. Marissa looked shocked in the least to see Alex there but a wave of relief seemed to have passed over her features. She peeked a look at Ryan again who now looked pissed to put bluntly.

From the corner of her eye Alex could see Marissa slowly edge closer to her. Ryan noticed this and Alex stood her ground and stepped into the pool house with certainty. As expected Ryan's body tensed and he clenched his fists. Marissa stopped moving and they all stood in an odd trapezoid shape. Alex's muscles grew tense instantly and she had to remind herself to calm down. More importantly she wanted to get Marissa out of this situation. She clenched her jaw when Marissa took a small step towards her. She widened her eyes at her a little, trying to convey for her to stop. Her mouth slightly parted and she drew in a breath of air. Barely shaking her head she instructed Marissa to stop because Ryan was closer to her, his body language was aggressive and he was close to looming over her with the anger he was exuding.

Marissa didn't notice the subtle gestures Alex was directing towards her because of the tears in her eyes, she took another tentative step towards her and it was then that Ryan grabbed onto Marissa, holding her wrist in his large hand that seemed bigger in comparison to Marissa's small wrist. Alex instinctly clenched her jaw and took a step towards Marissa, whose eyes had widened, looking at her own wrist and Ryan's hand holding it tightly.

"Ryan, stop you're hurting me," she pleaded, though it was clear her voice was straining as she tried to speak in a controlled tone.

Alex clenched her fist and her jaw clenched even more. Slowly stepping towards Marissa, cutting off any space between herself and the taller girl she looked at Marissa who had droplets of water in her eyes that were very close to spilling over. Taking a deep breath to calm her nerves, Alex slipped her hand behind Marissa, without Ryan noticing while keeping her eyes on Ryan's hand on Marissa's wrist. Finally she lifted her gaze to Ryan who's eyes looked pained but still furious.

"Ryan..." Marissa pleaded emotionally, this time giving up her attempt towards controlling her voice that wavered. Alex touched Marissa's lower back more, rubbing her hand over her shirt, trying to get her to calm down. For a brief second Ryan looked as though he had been slapped.

"Ryan," Alex said slowly. "You need to let go of Marissa," she said with a demanding tone but a slight hint of warmth. After all she did understand to a degree what he was feeling; wanting to hold onto someone who was slipping away and had in fact already left without really saying the words. This was clear from Alex's perspective. Granted she wanted to punched the guy and pummel him into a coma for hurting Marissa right now but she needed to get Marissa out of the pool house. That was the main objective. Alex clenched her fist again and spread her fingers to release the tension, though her back was rigid, she wanted to hit Ryan but she didn't want anything to happen to Marissa and she was sure that wouldn't get them anywhere. Instead she stood still for a few moments, her brain catching up to the moment.

"Ryan, stop." She commanded in a tired but livid tone. None of this was right, it was draining and it shouldn't be happening. He dropped her wrist then, though he could have easily punched Alex and made Marissa stay. But what would that accomplish? Why would Marissa stay then? How would violence resolve any of their issues? His eyes clouded over, he seemed to be struggling with himself more than what was between him and Marissa. He turned his back on Marissa then, avoided looking at her and disregarded Alex altogether. Alex looked back at Marissa who was rubbing her wrist with her hand a little. Clenching her jaw again Alex looked away for a split second towards the door, turning her head around to avoid looking at Marissa for a few moments, trying to not look at the red mark on her wrist.

Finally looking back at Marissa once her anger was self regulated and under control she moved her hand that was still resting behind Marissa's back to her forearm. Slowly her hand slid down to hold Marissa's. Their finger's weren't intertwined, Alex purposefully made sure her hand cupped over Marissa's and gave a gentle squeeze, which the dark blonde returned. Marissa's other arm, with her red marked wrist came across her body and looped through to Alex's arm, squeezing her bicep a little to say a non-verbal thank you.

Taking a step towards the door she looked over at Seth and Summer who seemed frazzled but less nervous than before. As she left the pool house she looked through the glass door and lightly smiled at them which Summer returned and mouthed a thank you indiscreetly. Feeling Marissa hold onto her tighter she looked her over fully. The clothes were rumbled, she seemed thinner and her body shook slightly. Alex responded to the image my squeezing Marissa's hand again. Marissa squeezed Alex's arm again, this time she frowned as they reached Alex's Jeep. Standing in front of the automobile Alex lifted her gaze to Marissa's. Taking a deep breath she asked, "Do you want to go anywhere…Summer's, your place…" she trailed off. Shaking her head slowly Marissa looked at the ground and then met Alex's piercing eyes.

"I want..I want to go to your place…please," she whispered. Alex nodded, dropped her hand slowly and took a step back. Turning her head back she said gently, "Let's go," and opened her door to get in. Marissa mirrored her actions and got into the passenger seat. Half expecting Ryan to come running out Alex remained tense as she started the Jeep. Sitting back in her seat she immediately shut off the rather loud music that came through the speaker, pressed her palm against her forehead and quickly scrolled through her iPod that was sitting in the cup holder. She chose Sufjan Steven's-Dress looks nice on you. She needed something calm to distract her from the thoughts that her parading in her head. They drove to her apartment, nothing was said, instead the calm music played and the lyrics of Stevens came through the stereo.

"I can see a lot of life in you, I can see a lot of bright in you and I think that dress looks nice on you, I can see a lot of life in you…" The music made Alex's thoughts slow down and soon the song changed to Bon Iver's Stacks. The long song played the rest of the way to her apartment.

"This is not the sound of a new man or crispy realization. It's the sound of the unlocking and the lift away, your love will be, safe with me." Just as the song finished they pulled up to Alex's apartment, perfect timing.

Shutting off the engine she took her iPod and looked over at Marissa who seemed exhausted. Looking more closely she saw the circled under her eyes. Clenching her jaw Alex slowly reached out and was about to touch Marissa's arm when the front door opened and out came an annoyed looking Jodie and Liv at her feet who bounded up and down near the door, then she stuck her nose in the air and smelled the outdoors. Turning her head back and forth she spotted what she had been searching for. She brisk fully hopped over to the passenger side of the car and leaped up and up, a little higher each time. Finally when she couldn't leap any higher she let out a happy bark. Peering over at Marissa, Alex watched as her dog tried desperately to get into the Jeep to no avail. Within moments Marissa was stepping out of the Jeep and bent down to pick up Liv who licked her face and couldn't seem to get close enough to her, her paws pressing into Marissa's body gently. Letting out a laugh Alex was glad to see the tense situation had been slightly defused by her little dog.

"I go away and she wants to see you," she mumbled. "Typical," she added with a light tone. Marissa was about to say something but Jodie cut her off.

"What are you doing back? And with her?" She said bluntly. Alex widened her eyes at her. _I've head enough drama tonight to last me for months, honestly…we are Not doing this. _

"I got a call," she said honestly and calmly while she picked her bags out from the back of her Jeep and heaved them up over her shoulder. "And she's here because she wants to be here, end of discussion," she said in a controlled tone that almost came off cold. Jodie looked as though she wanted to say something but thought better of it.

"Okay, I'll just grab my things," she said without any edge to her voice, in fact she was patient and there was undertone of consideration. Alex nodded and tried to convey her thanks. When Marissa stepped towards the door Jodie was heading out. For a moment Marissa's eyes widened slightly as Jodie stared her down even though the dark haired girl was shorter. Lowering her voice she looked in Marissa's eyes but remained loud enough for Alex to hear who stood only a few feet away.

"You hurt her again-she won't be coming back." Jodie said to Marissa.

"Jodie!" Alex said exasperated.

"She should know. I'm tired of it, pulling you around, one direction then the next, hot, cold." Jodie stated and was about to carry on but Alex cut her off.

"Enough," she said growing defensive. Putting her hands up in her signature Jodie move she moved out of the doorway and let Marissa pass who held her gaze cast down.

Once Marissa was fully in the apartment Alex made her move towards the door but Jodie blocked her way and closed the door behind her slowly and smoothly.

"Jodie." Alex said growing annoyed.

"Alex, you need," she said with consideration in her voice.

"Don't," Alex said, cutting her off. "That wasn't necessary," she finished.

"I think it was." Jodie said with a sigh.

"Whatever," Alex said dismissively. "I'm tired and we aren't having this pointless conversation," she said growing more annoyed while she shifted the weight of her bag on her shoulder. Jodie shook her head and moved out of Alex's way.

As she got into her car, Alex turned the doorknob to her apartment and was about to step in when Jodie called over to her in a soft tone… "You can only let yourself get hurt so often before it breaks you," she said and then got in her car and drove off towards her home. Letting out a deep sigh Alex pushed into her apartment, her bags falling automatically to the floor once she shut the door. Kicking her bags out of the way, leaving them for later she went to her kitchen and found a note from Jodie.

"You need to stock up on food again, someone came in and ate it all, I tried to stop them but they were beastly." A light laugh escaped from Alex. Smiling at the note she opened her refrigerator and grabbed at water. When she looked back over at Marissa she saw that she had just set Liv down. She straightened her back and pulled at her shirt while Liv continued to jump up at Marissa to try to get her to hold her again.

"Do you want anything?" she asked the taller light brunette. Marissa stared at Liv, smiling, the floor and slowly lifted her gaze to Alex's eyes. Her smile vanishing once their gaze connected. Gulping down her shock at being the cause of the smile disappearing from Marissa's face Alex stood stiffly in the kitchen waiting for Marissa's response, for her to say anything….

"I…want..a lot of things." She said sadly, almost painfully. Pausing and taking a deep breath she continued………. "We need to talk."


	15. Chapter 15

Fuck. Was the only ineloquent word that came to Alex's mind. I don't want to talk, nothing worthwhile comes from talking…Hi mom I'm bi, granted I like girls more, but I'm bi. Get out of my house, etc etc. No I punched him out of defense. That's no excuse, you are suspended from school. Same old conversation, different subject. I end up being somehow inadequate….

"Alex," Marissa said a little louder. Shaking her head Alex set her bottle of water on the counter and looked at the taller girl who seemed to be shifting her weight back and forth from hip to hip.

"Mhm?" Alex said gently, unsure, though she tried to cover it up by seeming calm but she knew her back was growing even tenser.

"I wanted to explain things.." Marissa said gently.

"You don't have to," Alex said cutting her off, looking at the counter.

"No, I do…and I don't know how to…say what I want to say and I don't want to screw it up, which I probably will and you deserve to know what's going on," she finished with a sigh. Alex smirked at Marissa's rambling.

"What?" Marissa asked growing slight annoyed. Her hand gently rested on her hip now. Her wrist that had been grasped still limply handing off to her side.

"Can you wait a few minutes…" Alex trailed off as she went off into her own head. She didn't let Marissa answer instead she went up to her bedroom, she didn't look at Marissa. She needed a few minutes to herself as she rummaged around her bathroom cabinet. She let the water run and held her hands under to feel the coolness then drought some of the water to her face. She needed a warm, no, hot shower to make her relaxed. She craved it.

Shutting off the faucet she found what she needed. Toweling off her face for a split moment she wanted to avoid Marissa entirely but it wasn't fair to either one of them she supposed. Marissa wanted to actually talk with her and it would be a bit cruel to deny her that. Sighing she headed back downstairs to find Marissa on the couch with Liv next to her side. Gently sitting next to Marissa, less than an arm's length away Alex held the icy hot ointment in her hand tightly. She hated and was in fact furious that she was forced to use this on Marissa because someone had hurt her.

"Ah…do you mind if I put some on your wrist?" she asked delicately. Marissa shook her head and briefly glanced at Alex who was biting her lip to keep herself from screaming at how wrong the entire situation was. Looking over at Marissa she noticed the younger girl's expression had softened a little as she held out her wrist, her eyes unwavering from Alex's eyes.

Opening the lid she set it on the small, dark wooden table and rubbed some of the substance on her fingers before she took Marissa's wrist gently in her hand, barely touching her and pressed her fingertips over the bruising skin. Clenching her jaw again as she looked at Marissa's thin wrist she didn't notice Marissa's hand coming up near her face. Only when she felt Marissa's slightly cold hand against her cheek, her palm cupping her jaw line did she look up at her. Though her vision was opaque, she hadn't realized a few tears were forming in her eyes, she looked at Marissa who had a pained but soft expression on her face. Closing her eyes and shaking her head to get rid of her thoughts she kept applying the ointment. The movements made Marissa's fingertips weave into Alex's hair on the back of her neck and she felt a gentle pull from Marissa.

"Alex," she said in a whisper. "I need you to listen to me…" she pleaded, her voice breaking midway into her sentence. Alex shook her head. Nothing good is going to come of this.

"Please?" she asked, her tone tired but she kept her hand near Alex's jaw, feeling the tension there. Shaking her head again and massaging the cream into Marissa's wrist gently she sighed.

"Okay." With one word she let her resolve fall.

"I know..before..how I treated you wasn't right..and I'm trying to understand it and how..everything is now and its..jumbled and…more complex than it has to be. I want..you to trust me…but I know I don't deserve it…and I want to try again but I know why you would think it'll just end badly…I haven't given you any reason..ugh…I know its my fault. And I'm sorry for the past. I want..to be with you…but I don't want to go through the rejection," she said taking her hand away from Alex's face and placing it on her lap in a fist and turning her head to look at the floor. "But I thought you should know…some of my thoughts..if they made any sense," she finished. The only response Alex could express was shock and her jaw had slackened, making her lips part.

"I don't know what to say right now…that wasn't what I expected." She said gently. Marissa gave a pained smile as though everything she said was wrong.

"I know," she said with a deep sigh. "I'm sorry.."

"You don't have to be sorry," Alex said reassuringly. "Just give me a while to process it," she said warmly. Looking back at Marissa's wrist she put what looked to be the remnants of the cream onto her skin and rubbed it in for the next few minutes. They sat in silence, the atmosphere heavy and uncertain. Taking her hand away and closing the lid Alex slowly stood up and looked at the floor. "I'm going to take a shower, you should sleep," she said gently. Marissa only nodded but remained seated with Liv now pressed against her thigh, sleeping peacefully. Walking away slowly Alex went upstairs, stripped her clothes off and quickly got in the shower. As the hot water hit her she rolled her shoulders a few times and pressed her palms against the cool tiled walls. I'm sick of it. Marissa getting hurt…Marissa and Ryan…god damn Ryan…

Without realizing it she clenched her fist and punched the shower wall, almost as hard as she could. Damn it! Way to deflect. Nice. She thought sarcastically. She stood in the shower, her hand dangling to her side, the water hitting her back now. She stood like that unmoving for a few more minutes until she felt her muscles begin to relax. Stretching out her arms over her head and then across her body she felt better and soon forgot about some of the drama. Twisting the water off, she stepped out and wrapped a dark blue towel around her. It almost looked black. Cursing herself for forgetting her clothes she made her way into the bedroom where Marissa was laying in bed, her clothes changed into Alex's cami and shorts, her eyes unfocused on the sheets. When Alex opened a drawer to grab some clothes she heard a sharp intake of breath from behind her. Turning around quickly to make sure Marissa was okay she saw a startling level of lust under the surface with a mixture of desire in the lighter brunette's eyes. Gulping down what air she had taken in Alex stood in front of her bed, unable to move. I need to go…wait, this is your apartment. She thought rationally.

"I'm going to sleep downstairs," she stated quickly.

"What..why?" Marissa asked, her eyebrows raising as she sat up

"Ah…I don't…think I should stay," she said holding her arms close to her body. They wanted to reach out and touch Marissa who kept looking at her with a sort of need and certainly want. Crossing her arms over her chest she pressed her fists into her arms. Having forgotten about her bruised knuckled she flinched and loosened her arms, trying to be non-descript about her self- inflicted pain. Sitting up further Marissa pushed the sheets away from her and got out of bed and briefly cross the space between herself and Alex, stopping short in front of Alex looking her over with care and worry. Taking a tentative stop towards the former blonde she moved her hand to take Alex's hand, but instead Alex took a step back and hit her back against the dresser. Clenching her jaw again she closed her eyes, when she opened them she saw that Marissa was trying very hard not to cry, the effort straining her face. Breathing out a breath of air that she unknowingly held she let Marissa touch her hand. To her own astonishment Marissa didn't judge her or even mention anything, she held her hand in hers, brought her knuckles up to her lips and kissed Alex's skin. There was even a look of consideration and hint of devotion in her touch. Alex frowned but soon her face softened when she felt Marissa place her hand on her hip, effectively pulling Alex closer to her, still holding her hand that was now gently pressed between them. It was different to feel cared for, their roles seemed to be shifted in an abstract way.

"Marissa…"Alex pleaded their lips a few inches apart.

"I know..I…just want to be feel something.." she trailed off, looking at Alex's lips. Alex leaned back, away from her, giving them a small amount of space.

"Nothing…is going to happen," Alex said with assurance. Letting out a sigh, Marissa stood up straighter and looked deeper into Alex's eyes.

"Alex…I want to feel loved," she said delicately.

"I don't have anything to give you," Alex said, her defenses waxing and waning, dissolving and building.

"I'm not asking anything, I just want you to hold me…and…I want you to kiss me," she said then bit her lower lip. Alex stood there as Marissa rubbed her upper arm and squeezed her bicep with her thumb, slowly pulling the shorter brunette closer to her. There was an air of vulnerability surrounding each girl, neither willing to make the first move without more motivation. Unable to stop her eyes from falling to look at Marissa's lips she paused and placed her hand on Marissa's hip.

"I want you…but I can't have you," Alex said sadly.

"What?" Marissa said, her voice raising.

"You and Ryan have this thing…it's always going to be there…I'm just temporary," she said, her thoughts finally out.

"Alex, did you not just walk into the pool house a few hours ago? That was me breaking up with Ryan and I don't plan on seeing him again," she said annoyed.

"Yeah but there's school, there's the Cohen's. There's Seth and Summer. You honestly can't tell me that you aren't going to see him, it's going to happen," she kept going.

"No, it's over." She said concretely, cutting her off. "Alex," she said gently, "If I asked you to kiss me, would you?" she asked curiously. Instinctively Alex bit her lip and looked at the ground, frowning, trying to work through her thoughts. Ultimately she failed, she couldn't lie to Marissa, she hated lying to people she cared about and loved.

"It's not like a have a choice," she said avoiding the question, her wall building up a little more.

"Yes you do," Marissa said softly as she continued to stroke her arm.

"No... I don't have a will with you, okay?" Marissa only stared back at Alex unsure.

"You do," Marissa said trying to retain her emotion that was coming through in her voice.

"It's more complicated than that," Alex said, turning her head to the side, avoiding her gaze.

"It doesn't have to be," Marissa said, trying to be reasonable. Releasing the tension from her shoulders Alex let the tension go and gave into the physical affection that Marissa was giving her. A deep and heavy sigh escaped at the same time.

"She needn't steal your heart if you give it to her, the cops and robbers of your childhood neglected to teach you such simplicity," Alex quoted from a book she loved.

"What was that?" Marissa said interested, her eyes now unwilling to leave Alex's eye level.

"A poet, Saul Williams…I think it's fitting," she finished.

"Really?" Marissa said with an edge of happiness in her tone.

"Really," Alex said in a more commanding tone, one that wasn't as saddened or pained as before while they both moved closer together, Alex bringing her hand to Marissa's lower back and pulling her closer as Marissa's hand that was stroking Alex's arm moved deftly to her face, her palm underneath her jaw line. Tilting her head to the side Alex brought her lips in contact with Marissa's, softly pressing hers against the other girls who deepened the kiss in seconds, her hand twining into Alex's hair, pulling her closer to her….


	16. Chapter 16

Back stepping closer to the bed, Alex was pushed back towards the mattress by the non-subtle direction by Marissa. The taller girl maneuvered her hand to Alex's lower back and pulled her in closer as she trailed her tongue along the former blonde's bottom lip, asking for acceptance. Unable to stop herself Alex moaned into Marissa's mouth, but berated herself for being so malleable.

Instead of allowing Marissa to deepen the kiss, Alex pressed her palms against Marissa's hips, gently pushing her away as the back of her legs hit the edge of the bed. Both were aware of what could happen and what could easily escalate but Alex slowly moved away from Marissa while the taller girl tried to keep their lips connected, leaning into Alex.

Making her point clear Alex side stepped Marissa and moved out of her grasp as she wrapped her arms around her midsection protectively and to keep the towel secure. Unable to disguise her disappointment Marissa frowned and reached her hand out to touch Alex but the brunette shifted again and moved away.

"I thought you just said…" Marissa said, trailing off.

"I know what I said. It's too soon," Alex said quickly, her eyes fixated on the floor.

"But…" Marissa began, starting to argue making Alex hold herself tighter, as though trying to disappear into herself, to get away from this situation, as much as she wanted to give into Marissa.

"No. If anything's going to happen…it's going to be slow. I'm not jumping in the shallow end head first to get knocked out." She said blowing out a breath of air that she had previously held.

"I'm not going to get hurt again," she said with certainty and control, even though she was feeling out of place and exposed. Marissa lifted her arm over her head and pushed her fingers through her hair as though working out the stress that was building between them.

"What can I do to change your mind?" Marissa asked gently. Well aware that the situation was delicate.

"Give it time," Alex said nodding slightly.

"Okay," Marissa said with disappointment. Instinctually Alex lifted her gaze to meet Marissa's who looked close to devastated.

"Do you want to go to sleep?" she asked hesitantly. Marissa nodded, looking at Alex intensely.

"I'm going to get dressed and…we'll go to sleep," she said tiredly, being that she was emotionally drained.

Again Marissa nodded and moved to get into bed, pulling back the blanket and then began to get in. Unable to take her eyes away from Marissa Alex bit her lower lip and went to grab a few items from her dresser and then walked into the bedroom.

When she came back she was in a long sleeved shirt and boy shorts. Sliding in next to Marissa she stopped herself from draping her arm over the taller girl and pulling her closer. Pressing the bottom of her palm against her temple she felt a headache coming on. Squeezing her eyes shut she heard Marissa whisper, "will you hold me?" Pressing her fingertips against her temple now she let out a tense sigh and cleared her throat gently as she turned her head away from Marissa.

"Give me a few minutes," she said, trying to stop herself from sounding as though she were asking for permission to deny Marissa comfort that she knew she provided and gave, though sometimes unwilling…one of those moments being now. She wanted to reserve some sense of self preservation. She wanted to have something to herself, sometime left over than simply giving in and letting Marissa fill her senses. Yes, she could give in and let Marissa have her heart, but she wanted to protect it for the time being. She didn't want to feel so raw and bare.

Turning over away from Marissa she tried to break apart her thoughts that were the cause of her headache. _You can't do this. Even if you want to. She's still Marissa. Nothing has changed. We could get back together to do a repeat performance of before or…she could shock you and make it work. But people don't change. She wants to try, give her a chance…and she can prove that you were an idiot to give her another chance because you gave her too many before and she took advantage of it, like how she's taking advantage of you now. She knows she can ask whatever she can and I'll do it._ Curling up into herself she kept over thinking. _No, it's not over thinking. This is fair. She can't expect me to fold when she breaks up with Ryan. I'm the rebound. Son of a…_

"Alex?" Marissa asked, her body turned to face her. She pressed down on the bed and moved closer, her head hanging over Alex while the darker brunette pressed her hand into her head harder. She didn't want to hear another needy tone coming from Marissa.

"Hmm?" Alex mumbled back.

Marissa pressed her chest into Alex's back very slowly. She pulled the covers over Alex more, gently sliding her hand over her arm. Alex lay stiffly in bed, unwilling to move or comply with Marissa's subtle demands. Instead of taking a side Alex remained passive an indifferent, in part because making a decision would require work and she was distracted by her thoughts.

A few seconds later she felt Marissa slide her hand over her arm to her hip to her stomach where she pressed her hand into the exposed skin. Marissa's arm resting over her own and their bodies pressed together more. She tried not to give into the comfort of Marissa's physical comfort but she tried to think of a moment where Marissa had ever physically soothed her and came up blank. Maybe she was changing or maybe she's being selfish. More thoughts passed through her head. She pushed her head into the pillow more and again pressed her hand against her forehead. She was surprised again to feel Marissa gently take her hand, lace her fingers together and brought Alex's hand down to her stomach, then she shifted her body over the shorter girl and pressed her lips delicately at her temple, kissing her skin. Not being able to help herself, Alex smiled at the action, enjoying being taken care of for once, their roles seemingly reversed. She was expecting Marissa to kiss her jaw line or try to kiss her but was shocked to feel that Marissa continued to gently kiss her temple, leaving a lingering warmth each time. Her muscles tensed in an attempt to not reach out and pull Marissa into her more.

_This is going to be a long night,_ she thought as she closed her eyes more which Marissa took as a sign that Alex's headache was worsening. Her arm snaked around Alex's body more and slid under her shirt, her palm pressing into Alex's stomach. A moan escaped her lips and she felt Marissa smile as she kept kissing her temple. Pressing her arms into herself and lifting her hip up to place her hand under it so she wouldn't be able to move she avoided touching Marissa. She felt Marissa sneak her hand up her shirt more, her body shivered in response to the gentle caresses.

"Do you want me to stop?" Marissa asked, her voice dropping a few decibels and remained sweet. Ale held her arm closer to her body and stopped Marissa's hand from traveling up her skin.

"Please," she mumbled into her pillow, her voice breaking. She couldn't handle this at the moment. Slowly Marissa removed her hand from Alex's soft skin, unwilling to but complying with her ex.

"Okay," she said gently and then turned away from her for a few seconds, only to hesitantly wrap her arm around Alex again, barely touching her. Putting up a front, Alex remained physically tense for the remainder of the night. She felt Marissa fall asleep with her arm still laced over her hip but couldn't let herself fall asleep. Too many thoughts were still forming and disassembling in her head. The last time she looked at the clock it was past three AM, Marissa had been sound asleep for a few hours and looked content.

By the time Alex got to sleep she woke three hours later and felt like she had been hit by a truck. Her muscles ached, she felt like she had only slept twenty minutes and she had a headache the first moment the sun hit her eyes. Rolling back over she wanted to fall back asleep but she needed to get to work. Slowly getting out of bed she deftly walked into her bathroom and stripped off her clothes. Turning the shower on she was only in it for ten minutes. While she was rinsing her hair she looked at her hand. A definite bruise had formed, it didn't look terrible but it was a few shades lighter than violet. Letting the hot water wash over her body, some of her muscles started to relax, the ache going away from sleeping so intensely, curled up into herself.

When she got out of the shower she quickly chose her clothes, black casual pants, a sheer grey tank top and a dark brown cardigan. Looking at herself in the mirror she almost looked preppy. Grabbing some mascara she coated her lashes, making her eyes stand out more then looked over at Marissa who was still sleeping. Taking a seat on her usual side of the bed she brushed her hand up and down Marissa arm.

"Marissa, you have school," she said gently. Marissa's response was to mumble something incoherently, but Alex got the gist. Something about school being pointless and she wanted to stay in bed. Sighing Alex laid down in the bed but remained upright, looking over Marissa as she kept rubbing her arm.

"Babe, you have to go to school," Alex said in her tired state of mind. Marissa shifted her body and slowly opened her eyes.

"Fine, but only cause you called me babe." She said with a slight smile which made Alex blush, her cheeks feeling flushed. She smiled at seeing Alex's reaction and quickly got out of bed, grabbing her bag as she made her way to the bedroom.

Shaking her head Alex went downstairs after grabbing Liv who was rather inactive due to her own sleepiness. She busied herself by making breakfast and letting Liv outside. While she placed a small bowl of yogurt with honey swirls on it and some colorful fruits in the middle Marissa came down wearing a long, loose, white t-shirt, dark jeans that fit her as though they were made for her and a black vest that she left casually open. Alex had to bite her lower lip to stop herself from walking over to Marissa, closing the space between them and kissing her…pushing her against the counter and…

_Okay, enough thoughts for now. I need to get to work_. And with that she cleared her throat subtly and informed Marissa she had to go. She whistled and soon after Liv came bounding in while Alex opened the refrigerator and grabbed a coke. She explained to Marissa again that she needed to go to school, emphasizing the word need and made her way to the door after she left the spare key on the counter next to the taller girl. Marissa walked closer to Alex and held her arm in her hand, squeezing the muscle, stopping her from leaving. She didn't need to say anything, her actions alone pleaded for Alex to wait. Before she spoke Marissa looked at the ground and then at Alex's body, her eyes roaming over her with appreciation. Alex felt naked but hide her insecurity well by appearing impatient.

"Marissa..?" She asked.

"You could have hit Ryan, you're stronger than before, why didn't you?" She asked calmly. Drawing in a deep breath Alex stood up straighter and looked in Marissa's eyes.

"I didn't want it to come to that and I just wanted you out of there," she said simply.

"But you could have…" Marissa said tilting her head to the side.

"That's not the point," Alex said tiredly. She was having difficulty maintaining her front, she smelled Marissa's perfume and she wanted to pull her into her and kiss her for hours.

"You're sweet," Marissa said delicately.

"I have to go," Alex said and stepped back from Marissa who nodded in response, knowing Alex wasn't going to back down and she still needed to give her time. Heading out the door she saw Marissa sitting at the counter, eating her breakfast. Then she got into her Jeep and drove to work.

Getting into work a little past eight Alex avoided running into Jodie by promptly going into her office. She set to work and faxed over data, checked with clients, verified item reports and organized charts; her energy prevailing only through the help of alternating diet coke and coffee. Half way through the day Alex leaned back in her chair, stretching her back, go figure this was the time Jodie decided to make her presence known by walking through the door as though on a mission with reports, paperwork and folders pilled in her arms. Skipping over the hello she discussed some details about a new client, what an old client expected, an updated list of something and something…Alex had begun to tune out. Pausing in her speech Jodie peered intensely at Alex only to state factually, "you have circle under your eyes."

Which Alex responded without looking up from her paperwork, "You're digressing," in an impatient tone. Jodie instead set the folder on Alex's desk with a loud thud and crossed her arms.

"Not getting enough sleep?" She asked bluntly, though it was more of a statement. Alex kept looking at her paperwork.

"Losing sleep over a Newport Barbie isn't exactly attractive," Jodie continued.

"Unnecessary Jodie," Alex said, growing more impatient.

"Either stop seeing her or don't come to work half dead," Jodie said bluntly.

"You know which one I'm going to choose," Alex said dismissively as she flipped a few sheets over and began to read a new page.

"Yeah and you know the brown hair disguises your stupidity, go back to being blonde, it fits the stereotype better," she said with a cruel edge leaking out, though it was slightly playful. A sharp breath of air escaped from Alex.

"Are you done?" she asked.

"Hardly." Jodie said moving her hands to her hips. In response Alex leaned back in her chair and pressed her fingertips to her temple.

"You lost yourself when you came back to LA, you were miserable and it's a lie, misery doesn't love company because you were a pain in the ass. If she breaks up with you I want it in writing you're not going to be a bitch. And if you are a bitch I want a raise," she said joking. Though she did sound serious with her dry humor Jodie was aware she was getting under Alex's skin, just as the former blonde knew it was a somewhat twisted joke but was meant well.

"Okay, so seriously, don't let her walk all over you like before. You seem happier, but don't let her manipulate you again," Jodie said gently without any judgments. Alex nodded and glanced at her paperwork again.

"I think she's changing," she said calmly, but with uncertainty.

"We'll see," Jodie commented as she picked up her files and began to walk out of the office, stopping in the doorway. "I'm thinking we go hit some clubs this Saturday, you look like you need it," she said with a wink and went to her own office.

Alex shook her head and finally got resituated and focused on her work again. Many hours and a latte later Alex was closing up her office. Slowly getting into her car she turned on some loud music to keep her brain functioning.

Making the drive to her apartment she was surprised to see a package wrapped in purple paper leaning against her door. As she got closer she noticed the paper was nearly identical to her old purple streak she had in her hair when she was blonde. Bending down to pick it up she fumbled with her keys, pressed the light package under her arm, stood up straight and slid in into the lock. Once the door was opened Liv came bounding over and leaned into Alex's leg. Slowly walking over to the counter she placed the package down and began to open in, the paper loud and similar to leaves crunching under your feet in the fall. A plain white box was exposed and she lifted the lid. Inside was a tiny light blue card that said in a feminine handwriting-_Saw this and thought of you. Thank you for yesterday…_

When Alex pushed away the filler paper a dark grey hoodie was visible. Pulling it out of the box and holding it up, she read the white text: LOVER NOT A FIGHTER in bold. To the side were stitched in with red thread boxing gloves crossed out. Smiling at the message Alex looked over the hoodie, taking in its details. It had an open pocket in the front, frayed edges, was more of a charcoal grey, strong for the hood, and looked to be the perfect size. Taking it fully out of the box she turned and went upstairs, quickly changing out of her work clothes and into skinny jeans and a tan, thermal, three quarter sleeved shirt.

She happily pulled the hoodie over her head and adjusted her new clothes. Looking at herself in her full length mirror she noted it fit perfectly, it was comfortable but form fitting and she had to admit, it looked great on her. Breaking out into a full smile she headed back downstairs to enjoy her time at home, relaxing with Liv.


	17. Chapter 17

Flipping off the TV after deciding nothing good was on since everything had become reality shows, Alex grabbed her remote to her iPod and turned it on. Slow and very calming song played and with Liv laying in her lap Alex drifted off to sleep on the comfortable couch. She woke up hours later to her phone ringing. Looking around groggily she got up and felt her joints crack as she stiffly walked over to her bag, rubbing her palms into her eyes. Liv remained on the couch, seemingly upset for the loss of a human pillow. Grabbing her phone out from the bottom of her purse and flipping it open, she mumbled a groggy "yeah?"

"Alex," a very tired voice said on the other line. Alex looked at her large old fashioned silver framed clock that hung on the wall, it was almost two thirty AM. "I'm sorry," the voice continued after a pause. "I know you wanted your space but…would you mind coming over here?" the quiet voice said, though it was clear the person was chocking up if they hadn't already been crying they were about to. Her mind automatically went to Marissa in her state of midway unconsciousness.

"Yeah, I'll be there in ten minutes," she said tiredly while she walked to the fridge and got out another Diet Coke; her supply heavily depleted since yesterday. She was about to hang up the phone when she heard Marissa say gently, "Okay…there's a ladder by my window, the front door could possibly lead to you running into my mom…and we don't want that."

"Sure," she said in an unemotional response, although Julie Cooper did elicit a rather strong response from her. "See you soon" she added. Then she flipped off her phone and popped the top open to her can of soda, inhaling it in a few seconds. Tossing it under her sink in the recyclables she headed upstairs to grab a bag, a toothbrush, and some clothes and went back downstairs to the door, grabbing her keys from her bag. As she opened the door she whistled and woke Liv up who looked at her with sleepy eyes.

"Come on, we're going on an adventure," she said trying to sound happy, though at this hour it was rather difficult but Liv bought it and came bounding over to Alex who bent down and picked her up, holding her snug in the nook of her arm. "Time to go see your favorite person," she added to the little dog while she locked her door.

Quickly getting into her car, she tossed her bag in the back seat and climbed in, starting it and backing out slowly, careful not to jostle the still sleepy dog. Shifting gears she headed to Marissa's house, seeing as how it was almost three am and the roads were free of traffic Alex pulled into the driveway after six minutes of driving. Parking the car and closing the door quietly to avoid waking anyone, she picked Liv up from the passenger seat then her bag, slinging it over her shoulder and back. Looking around she found the ladder Marissa mentioned. It was dark metal and unobtrusive and surprisingly camouflaged from the rest of the house.

Placing Liv snuggly in her bag on top of her clothes, making sure she was completely secure she placed her hand on the bar and began to climb. A few seconds later she tapped lightly against Marissa window once she hooked her arm around the bar. She had better be awake because this cliche is pushing it. And I can't grab my phone…She thought. In less than five seconds Marissa was at the window, slowly pushing it aside to let Alex in. She tried to smile but it came off as painful and very forced. Alex frowned and pulled herself into the room, slowly and smoothly. Stepping back Marissa watched as Alex maneuvered inside and grabbed onto Alex, crushing her in a strong embrace once she was completely inside and standing.

"Omph," she said when Marissa held her even tighter. She felt wetness on her neck as Marissa buried her face into Alex's skin. Pulling back she looked at her ex girlfriend's eyes, they looked so tired and almost lifeless but underneath the dull grey was a sort of….torment that was threatening to expose itself.

"Thank you," Marissa said with utter sincerity, her eyes unwavering while she looked into Alex's. Her mind took a few minutes to respond, she felt undoubtedly confused in her limited experience of being with this version of Marissa who was saw raw but seemed to be shutting down, quietly withdrawing from the world. Alex wanted to say something, anything to convey how she didn't want Marissa to feel so alone as she watched her eyes become unfocused. Come back…come back to me. She said in her head, sadly with a sense of desperation. Alex was nearing the breaking point. Without a doubt she wanted to hold Marissa tight, wrap her arms around her as though she could keep everything that was painful and cruel away from the model-esque girl.

Her thoughts drifted away as she held Marissa and breathed in her light fruity scent. I wish it was corporeal, the pain…I could beat the god damned hell out of it. Without realizing it her arms tightened around Marissa, wrapping herself around the taller girl completely, holding her closer. A muffled breath escaped from Marissa and Alex felt hands on her arms, gently pushing her away, creating distance. She pulled back, sensing Marissa's need to have space. When she looked in Marissa's eyes she saw physical pain. Dropping her arms from Marissa's body she crossed her arms around her chest and seemed to shrink into her own body. _Oh my god, I just hurt her, I held her too hard. Jesus fucking Christ_. Berating herself in her head she hadn't realized she had taken a step back. Marissa remained standing in the same spot, looking at her skeptically, but she slowly took a step towards her and placed her hands over Alex's, spreading her arms, opening Alex up to her, both literally and figuratively. Feeling glued to the spot Alex didn't budge or move closer to Marissa clearly wanted to pull her in. Noticing Alex's hesitation on the anger in her eyes and bitterness she brought her hands up to Alex's face and cupped her jaw line gently.

"Hey," she said soothingly, "you didn't mean to hurt me and I'm fine," she said with a smile. Clenching her jaw, Alex looked away, feeling bitter for hurting Marissa, doing the opposite of what she wanted to do.

"It was an accident," she continued, looking into Alex's eyes, trying to get her to focus on her, but she instead saw small pools of tears that were threatening to spill over onto Alex's skin. That halted her movements; she hated to see Alex on the verge of crying. The last time she had seen that was on the beach during the pep rally. Marissa looked at Alex blankly, uncertain why such a strong response would come from her former girlfriend. "I'm really okay," she added with absolution.

"I don't want to hurt you," Alex said in a shaky voice while she stared at the floor. "And I don't want you to hurt me…" she said very quietly, as though she was well aware she had no power over the matter of if Marissa would hurt her, which seemed inevitable.

"I won't," Marissa said, cutting her off as she pressed her palm against Alex's face again, making Alex turn to her and peer at her skeptically, her cynicism evident.

"I promise," the dark blond said with more assurance. Letting out a sigh the brunette let out a sigh and relaxed her shoulders, feeling Marissa's hands slide smoothly to her face to rest on near her neck. This simple action provoking Alex to lean in against her better judgment, place her hands gently on Marissa's waist, gently pull her closer and kiss her tentatively. She didn't want to give in, she undoubtedly felt vulnerable and inadequate holding Marissa with her limited experience of allowing someone to see her vulnerability. Hell, she had a complex about her complex, not surprisingly so but instead of pulling away from Alex's embrace Marissa pressed herself more so into Alex and slipped her hand down her back, only to accidentally hit the bag that was still slung over her body. A small yelp was heard a second later, forcing the girls to abruptly stop, depriving them of the chance to continue. Marissa kept her hand on Alex but tilted her head to the side to look over Alex's back and into the bag where Liv sat up, her head barely peeking out looking at Marissa as though saying get me out of here and hold me, I'm squished and you could be petting me instead. The puppy's tail wagged and Marissa couldn't help herself, she released her hands from Alex's body and maneuvered around her to take Liv out of the bag, holding her delicately as she brought her up to her face and kissed near her ear.

"I always knew you keep me around for my dog," Alex teased. Marissa gave her an Oh, please, you know why I keep you around look. Alex's smile erased from her face in a millisecond. She couldn't get over how undeniably attractive Marissa looked giving her what she considered a classic "wife look".

Instead of going off on a tangent in the recesses of her own mind she set her bag down and glanced over at Marissa who cupped Liv in the nook of her arm. Bending down, rummaging through her bag she pulled out some sleep clothes and then went over to the bathroom that was connected to Marissa's room to change. It only took a few minutes but it only too that short amount of time to realize how tired she was. Pulling off all of her clothes she pull on a comfortable tank top, the sweater Marissa gave her back on over that and pink boy shorts. Walking back out into the bedroom she found Marissa already curled up in bed, but her eyes were open and she immediately smiled seeing Alex.

"You like the sweater?" she asked, even though she already knew the answer.

"Mhm…thanks," Alex said gently as she slowly got into the familiar bed. It hadn't changed much, different covers but, still just as soft and with Marissa's scent. Alex loved it, she had missed it. She smiled as Marissa turned so her back was facing Alex. They lay like that for a few seconds until Marissa grew impatient and took Alex's hand and wrapped her arm around herself, inadvertently pulling Alex closer into which Alex complied.

"Impatient," Alex mumbled into the back of Marissa's neck.

"Tell me something I don't know," Marissa said tiredly as Alex pressed her hand into Marissa's flat stomach, her palm warm against Marissa's skin.

"Hm…are you gonna to tell me why you wanted me here?" Alex asked gently, not wanting to pry. Feeling Marissa nod her head Alex pulled Marissa in closer to her body, their forms fitting together so well.

"Tomorrow," Marissa said quietly but with certainty as she reached back and touched the back of Alex's head as her palm cupped her jaw line, delicately pulling her in more, making Alex's lips touch the back of Marissa's neck and forcing Alex to breathe in Marissa's hair. This slight shift causing the former blond to hold Marissa even tighter until Marissa released her and moved her hand to curl under herself. They both drifted off to sleep a few minutes later, completely exhausted on multiple levels…physically, mentally, but mostly emotionally.

When they woke a few hours later Alex was surprised to be free of any weight on her chest or warmth surrounding her. Marissa was clearly out of bed; Alex pressed her hand into the sheets, any lingering warmth that might have been there was gone. Slowly sitting up she looked around and saw Liv lying on a sweater looking content in a tiny ball and then she took in the small changes to the room. The new stack of books, a table or desk and a solitary empty vodka bottle half hidden behind a trash bin. Frowning at this Alex was about to get out of bed and get dressed when Marissa came out of her bathroom wearing only a white towel. Alex smirked at this, the idea of Marissa in white. Although she did look like the angelic, typical girl next door she had her dark edge and so it seemed ironic to the former blonde to see her standing nonchalantly in a white towel as Marissa continued to move her hair around, making it less tangled, which is barely was until her eyes caught Alex looking at her or more appropriately…devouring her with her gaze.

Instead of feeling insecure or disturbed Marissa seemed quite content in knowing she could elicit such a response from Alex. She smirked in a lopsided grin and moved closer to Alex in a very self assured way, almost with an air of arrogance, her expression changing to a knowing grin with Alex's jaw dropped. This only empowered Marissa's actions more as she slowly edged onto the bed and moved closer and closer to Alex until she was straddling her on her bed. She was well aware of what she was doing to Alex when she looked down at her and noticed Alex had bunched the sheets in her hands. Leaning into Alex's space Marissa took her face in her hands, lightly weaving her fingers into Alex's hair and spoke in a husky voice.

"You know you can touch me," she said making Alex gulp as Marissa spoke into her ear, her breath hitting Alex's skin while her close proximity made Alex smell Marissa's skin and after the shower she had to admit she smelled…intoxicating, might be the best word that came to her mind. Marissa turned her head and looked back down at Alex's hand that had turned white at the knuckled from clutching the sheets so tightly and then back at Alex's face to see a pained expression as her eyes were held shut. Running on instinct Marissa bent down and captured Alex's lips. Alex immediately kissed her back and soon moaned into Marissa's mouth.

Smiling at this Marissa pulled Alex into more and finally felt Alex's hands on her waist, quickly moving to her thighs, her fingertips pressing into her skin. Kissing Alex more heatedly Marissa slipped her tongue into Alex's mouth, making Alex deeply moan. Without thinking Alex slowly slid her hands under the end of the towel that partially covered Marissa's upper thighs and glided her hands to her waist, pulling her in closer, very gently as they continued to kiss, although at the moment Marissa had taken Alex's lower lip into her mouth and gently sucked on it only to bite down on it making Alex squeeze Marissa's hips to suppress a louder moan from escaping her lips. Just as Marissa deftly moved her hands down to Alex's sides and slipped her hands under the sweater she had gotten her, pressing her hands against Alex's smooth stomach her alarm went off, the harsh and irritating noise assaulting the moment. Marissa grunted her annoyance and twisted to the side to slam her hand down on the terrible machine. Biting her lip as she turned back to look at Alex, the brunette could only smirk.

"What?" Marissa said, exasperated, her hands on her hips, annoyed that Alex's hands were no longer there, they now rested on her thighs, slowly rubbing up and down.

"Nothing." Alex said trying to hide her amusement with a slight shrug. Marissa remained straddling her as she frowned down at her.

"Um…you look good when you're angry," Alex said truthfully. This made Marissa smile and lean into Alex again, about to kiss her when a knock on the door stopped Marissa from finishing what she wanted to.

Rolling her eyes she removed herself from Alex who immediately began to get out of bed but Marissa shook her head and told her to stay in a sweet tone. Frowning at this Alex remained in bed as Marissa opened the door to a well dressed Julie Cooper. Alex shifted her eyes to the sheets on the bed and silently started a mantra. I'm invisible, she can't see me, there won't be any arguments. No screaming…because I'm invisible, she can't see me…

"Marissa," Julie said in a judgmental tone but stopped abruptly. "You're up early," her voice dropped to shock which she tried to cover up by appearing disinterested until she looked into Marissa's room seeing as how the dark blonde opened the door widely.

"I don't sleep well," Marissa said bluntly, which could have been mistaken for honesty by anyone else who weren't Marissa's friends or mother.

"So you have Alex come over?" Julie asked annoyed. Marissa sighed and wrapped her arm around her waist tighter.

"Yes, I did." She said without any defensiveness, she simply stated a fact and she stood by it.

"I thought you were done with this phase," Julie said lowering her voice.

"It was never a phase, mom." Marissa said raising her voice. Alex took that as her queue to get out of bed.

"Oh Marissa," Julie said condescendingly. "If it's not her, it's the pool guy or the kid from Chino, I'm actually beginning to think Ryan was the better choice." She finished, clearly being loud enough to try to get a rise out of Alex who felt her back grow tense. Not caring anymore or trying not to care Alex slipped on her dark work pants, took off the sweater in a surprisingly fast period of time, grabbed her bag, and put on her light grey work shirt as Marissa grew defensive and responded back to the verbal provocation.

"You can't be serious." She said incredulously. "I don't sleep, I can't stay asleep for more than an hour at a time unless I'm with Alex and you care about who I'm with?" She yelled the last part, growing livid. It was painfully clear that Marissa wanted her mother to care, to show some empathy or connection but Julie Cooper was a difficult person who couldn't display her emotions well, even if she had good intentions. Alex shifted her gaze down to Liv who was beginning to wake up.

"Come on you," she said lovingly as she picked her up then grabbed her bag and sling it over her shoulder once everything was in the bag. Slipping on her shoes, her back was faced towards the two women as the continued to argue, though Alex had to give Marissa credit, she was surprisingly controlled and even sweet in defending her.

Walking over to Marissa she lifted Liv up, ignoring Julie and let Marissa pet the dog then she shifted Liv so that she was between their bodies as Alex leaned in and kissed Marissa cheek to somehow reassure her that it would be okay. Marissa gave her a small smile and looked at Alex who appeared sad but strong enough to attempt to hide it.

"I'll see you later…or when you need me," she said gently and then turned to face Julie who stood in the doorway, between Alex and the exit, though she was thinking more along the lines of escape.

"Excuse me," she said nicely, in a professional manner. Julie blinked a few times in shock and then stepped aside, allowing Alex the room to get through. The woman didn't say anything or even mumble anything under her breath to the surprise of Alex and Marissa.

Instead, once Alex was what Julie likely considered a safe distance away she overheard the older woman say in an attempted whisper, "she's changed," with amusement and shock seeping out of her tone.

Just as Alex was about to step out of the house, her hand on the door handle she heard Marissa reply, "Yeah, she has," with a mixture of pride and self assured control; displaying power and making her statement non-debatable. Alex smiled while she gently closed the door.


	18. Chapter 18

Nearly tripping on the walkway Alex caught herself before she fell onto the ground. _Jesus, I can't handle walking I'm over thinking. That needs to stop, Julie Cooper is not worth the thought, you can't change how she thinks about you and I need to get to work…_her train of thought jumped around as she situated herself in her jeep and set Liv down in the passenger seat to fall back asleep. She was similar to a baby, she liked the car rides so Alex maneuvered her way through the streets of Newport and came to her office building. Getting out she realized she really, desperately needed coffee so she tiredly picked up her bags, Liv and some paperwork that was in the back seat and entered the building. Just after she had set Liv down on the floor to roam around and go pander for attention from other employees Jodie came over with a smirk on her face.

"Still have circles under your eyes," she said as she leaned against the wall as Alex filled up a cup of coffee.

"Your point," Alex responded without any emotion.

"I hope you're getting something out of it," Jodie stated simply. Alex glared at her, not at all shocked by her ex's statement but annoyed nonetheless.

"Are you having this pointless conversation, really? Because I have work to do." Alex said growing despondent.

"Oh we're having this out. You need to not slip back into the old Alex, your life is together, how you've wanted it," Jodie emphasized, "and I'm saying this because I care," she said lowing her voice, "You look like you haven't showered and you've had better days," she said slightly teasing. Alex only rolled her eyes.

"That's because I didn't get a chance to shower." Alex said dismissively as she began to walk to her office.

"And why not?" Jodie inquired. "You have a perfectly nice shower, with hot water and everything," she said sarcastically.

"I was at Marissa's," Alex mumbled into her coffee cup before she took a sip and sat behind her desk. This prompted Jodie to hang around, leaning against the doorframe.

"She lets you stay at her place now? I thought she was only staying at yours," she says half thinking out loud and addressing Alex who shrugged in response.

"She called, I went over," she said tiredly.

"You didn't even ask why?" Jodie said raising an eyebrow.

"No, she sounded…sad," Alex said while she looked over some paperwork.

"So you go running to see her?" Jodie asked interested.

"She hasn't been sleeping well," Alex said deflecting the question but was beginning to grow defensive.

"So you have to suffer through her insomnia? How is that fair?" Jodie asked rationally.

"It'll get better," Alex said without much conviction. Actually she seemed very unsure and a sense of bitterness was evident in her voice.

"Hm, well what's going on in that head of yours?" Jodie asked, shifting the topic and cutting to the chase.

"Her mom…doesn't really…care for me," Alex said choosing her words.

"She pretty much hates you?" Jodie asked or rather stated.

Alex could only nod to this and lean back in her chair. Julie was always a touchy subject if she ever thought about her. It was a low blow to her ego. Gender shouldn't be an issue or her job or her level of finances. It bothered her how Julie was so involved in superficial things and wasted time with that aspect of her life rather than connecting with Marissa. She was well aware that she had high standards when it came to mom's, very likely because her mom had more or less bailed on her in the sense that she didn't give her the love she wanted or deserved. She wasn't even a bad teenager, she had just loved a girl at the time and her parents couldn't handle that, which was sad since she had to admit she turned out to be a pretty decent person. She cared about her friends, she was reliable, she had her own business…the list went on. But still she was rejected by her parents so when faced with a parent who could be doing a better job she had a tendency to grow defensive and freeze up.

"Alex," Jodie said raising her voice.

Shaking her head to clear her thoughts the former blonde responded sadly, "Yeah, she's not my number one fan."

"That's too bad," Jodie said, dropping her voice, feeling sorry for her ex, her voice laced with sympathy. Shrugging again Alex swiveled in her chair and grabbed more files.

"Can't do much about it now, though it was nice that Marissa defended me," she said softly. This made Jodie raise her eyebrows. Alex looked up and caught her surprise.

"Yeah," she said gently with a smile that was peeking out at the corners of her mouth. Nodding her head, understanding that Marissa may actually be evolving and both knowing it would be redundant to say so Jodie smiled lightly and turned to her own office. They didn't need to say bye or anything; they were used to exiting when the conversation seemed to dwindle or if it could be picked up another time. Their friendship had changed over time that both were very comfortable. Readjusting herself Alex went back to work and only stopped when it was time for lunch. Checking her phone she had a text from Marissa. Pressing a few buttons Alex looked at the screen and read _Can you stop by school around lunch, I want to give you something…_

Frowning at the screen Alex was unsure what Marissa would give her. She highly doubted this had any sexual implications. Looking at her watch she got up from her chair and made her way to the front of the building and into her jeep. Before reaching the school she stopped by a smoothie place and went through the drive through getting an orange shake and a raspberry smoothie with vanilla yogurt. A few minutes later she pulled into the school parking lot. Grabbing her phone she started texting Marissa but nearly had a heart attack when she heard someone whisper in her ear a content "hey." Drawing in a sharp breath Alex stopped herself from screaming.

"What have I told you about sneaking up on people?"

"I forget," Marissa smirked, playing it dumb. Alex could only scowl back at Marissa as she remained seating in her jeep while Marissa stood outside the door. Marissa kept staring at Alex, making her feel somewhat uncomfortable.

"You look tired," Marissa said sadly. Alex shrugged at this and played with the straw to her drink. To her surprise Marissa opened her door, stepped closer to her and wrapper her arms around her neck. Alex sat there stiffly until she got used to Marissa's embrace. Her hands having a mind of her own she reached out and held onto Marissa's waist and closed her eyes, enjoying Marissa's smell. She felt the taller girl pull back and wanted to keep holding onto her, expecting Marissa to take her arms away from her shoulders she loosened her grip on the dark blonde, aware that they were in front of her school. Instead of letting go of Marissa she let her fingertips linger on her lower back while her former girlfriend pulled away from her.

Feelingly slightly saddened by this Alex let her head fall a little, her lack of energy draining her even more, creating a vicious cycle, but again to her surprise Marissa kept her arms resting on her shoulders and tilted her head down to gently kiss her eyelids. Slowly going back and forth from each side of her face to the next kissing her skin and then cheek.

Opening her eyes when Marissa had stopped she looked up at her happily. She was glad to see that Marissa looked equally happy with a content smirk on her face. _Oh hell. I'm kind of screwed if she knows I basically worship her._ Alex thought, her smile fading a little, feeling slightly vulnerable with Marissa looking down on her. Sliding her hands from Marissa's lower back to her waist she held her there and pushed her back a few inches.

"So…what did you want to give me?" she asked seriously. Turning around but keeping one of her arms wrapped around Alex's shoulder Marissa grabbed a small dark brown, faux leather notebook from her bag and held it out to Alex with a level of vulnerability and anxiety. Shirting her weight from one foot to the next Marissa grabbed onto Alex's shoulder and lowered the notebook.

"I want you to read this…I haven't had it for a while..but I think you deserve to know what's going on in my head and you've been…really patient and I can't really say any of this out loud…it was easier to write it down..so…" Marissa said in a nervous whisper.

"Okay," Alex said gently. She slowly reached out and wrapped her fingers around the book as she moved her other hand to Marissa's arm, gently holding her.

"Take your time with it," Marissa said looking off to the side. From Alex's perspective Marissa seemed to be shrinking into herself again. Marissa continued to hold onto the book, unable to let it go yet. Alex looked into her eyes, before she sat up straighter and was at the same level as Marissa.

"May I?" she asked gently, holding out her other hand for the notebook even though her hand was already wrapped around the notebook. Marissa's expression softened and her apprehension seemed to dissipate as her shoulders slumped and she let go of the faux leather notebook. Taking the small book away from Marissa, Alex held it tightly and pressed it against her stomach while she unhooked her seat belt and got out of her jeep, standing up to her full height. Steadily holding the notebook she wound her free arm around Marissa and pulled her closer to her, the notebook crushed between them. In turn Marissa leant into Alex, effectively pushing herself into the former blonde making Alex happy that her jeep was behind her otherwise she would have fallen.

"Mmm" she said into Marissa's ear.

"Thanks for coming here," Marissa whispered into Alex neck making her shiver.

"No problem," Alex replied sweetly and then pulled back a little to look at Marissa fully. She was surprised again to see how Marissa looked energized and…was giving off waves of desire. Gulping down some air Alex was a little taken aback at how open Marissa seemed to be about her unrestrained want for Alex. Leaning in she kissed Alex's cheek and looked back into her eyes while she wrapped her arms around Alex's shoulders more.

"Do you want to stay over tonight?" She asked her voice dropping and Alex shivered again at how sexy Marissa sounded. Quickly Alex thought over the options and remembered Julie…

"Why don't you come over to mine?" she asked gently, her hand slid up and down Marissa's back.

Marissa appeared to be thinking it over playfully but even though Alex was aware she was being coy, it made her nervous. Again Marissa leaned in but this time she pressed her lips against Alex's and remained there until Alex felt her former girlfriend's tongue glide against her lower lip, parting her lips a little she allowed Marissa access and tried to suppress a content groan when Marissa pressed herself against Alex even more and intertwined her fingers through her hair. Leaning into Marissa Alex placed her hand on the taller girl's hips and slowly, begrudgingly pushed her away, not before Marissa took Alex's lower lip in her mouth and lightly bit it making Alex moan much to her own annoyance.

"Marissa," she said slightly out of breath… "people are staring," she said more in control. Marissa shrugged and went in to lean again but Alex moved her head to the side and Marissa only kissed her cheek. Pulling back Marissa gave a slight pout and Alex quickly explained that she had to go to work.

Marissa failed to hide her disappointed so she shifted her gaze towards the ground, catching sight of the notebook still held securely in Alex's hand then back up to meet Alex's gaze.

"I'll see you at your place later tonight?" she asked even though it was said as more of a statement.

"Mhm," Alex said and then turned to make a grab for the smoothie that she had gotten for Marissa with a little difficulty since Marissa's arm's were still around her.

"Ah babe…you have to let me go for a second," she said gently.

Slowly Marissa unwrapped her hands from Alex's hair and shoulders and took a small step back but kept her hands on Alex's hips. Turned back around Alex held out the drink to her and a smile came across Marissa's lips. Taking the smoothie Marissa let her fingertips touch over Alex's hand then she took a few sips of it.

"Mmm this is really good," she said then frowned as though something was bothering her. Immediately Alex's thoughts jumped to a bad ingredient that might be distasteful.

"What?" she asked worried, slowly starting to get more worried of the possibility of Marissa getting sick.

"It's good…but I could think of something better," Marissa said as she held the drink, tilting it and looking at Alex suggestively.

Shocked for what seemed the tenth time today Alex's jaw fell. Flashing back to her shock when Marissa took off her white shirt before she said she was going to get in the shower, she was sure that was how she looked now.

Marissa lightly chuckled and backed away very slowly from Alex and then retreated back up the stairs to school. Turning around she looked back over at Alex who was still in a daze. Calling out sweetly, "Bye Alex," breaking the shorter girl from her thoughts who quickly shook her head, gave a small wave to Marissa and got in her car after placing the notebook on the passenger seat.

Starting her car and backing out she made her way back to work in a hurry. When she reached her desk a few short moments later she set the notebook in front of her, letting her fingers trail along the binding and the blank cover. When she got comfortable in her chair she calmly opened to the first page. It didn't say who it belonged to or any such thing as this diary belongs to…no, it simply had lines and neat handwriting covering those lines…leaning forward Alex focused on the page and began to read…


	19. Chapter 19

I never thought I would use a notebook or a journal but I can't keep thinking all of these things that make me feel like I'm going to throw up. It keeps building and I don't want to talk to people and I want to talk to Summer but I don't know where to start.

Then a few lines down it read…

Sometimes a thought takes an hour to write out. I stare at the page and try to connect my thoughts so that they make sense, but how do you make sense of something that doesn't make sense? I want to write down all my thoughts to get them out of me. Some days it takes hours to form coherent thoughts, other times my hand isn't fast enough for my mind. I want my thoughts to be on paper so I feel like they won't be a part of me anymore. As though I'm vomiting it out. I want to take my writings and burn them, throw them in a fire and think that as they smolder so does the moment, the words, the meaning…that they'll vanish. But it doesn't go away, it doesn't change. I'm left trapped.

Turning to the next page Alex continued to read, unable now to put the book away and focus on her work. Not that she needed to, she was already caught up and even a bit ahead of schedule. As her eyes skimmed the page that showed a few tear stains and a change in the handwriting every now and then she gently pressed her fingertips over the paper. She was well aware this was a part of Marissa not many people would get to see. And she was conscious of the fact that Marissa was more than just a Newport princess as Jodie liked to occasionally point out, there was substance beneath the surface, she just had a tendency to hide it, likely out of self preservation and defense Alex figured.

If I write it out it seems easier than saying it out loud. Saying out loud I was almost raped makes me want to scream and curse and break something just for the sake of hearing it shatter but instead I don't say it out loud because then it seems more real. And I know it wasn't my fault but he's Ryan's brother and I don't know what to do about it. I feel like he's going to show up out of nowhere and just start screaming and I'm always on edge. The only time I feel comfortable is at Alex's and I don't want to always be around her because that's not fair to her and I feel like I'm imposing.

Frowning at this Alex turned to the next page.

There's so much I want to say to my mom but I don't think she'd listen. She'd hear me, but listening is different. It's like her lack of actions say more than when she does say anything because she knows it and I know it that it's a cover, there's nothing of value unless she can get something out of it.

A space below that Marissa wrote:

I'm glad if I sit down and don't talk and nod my head and respond when someone asks me a question I seem fine and I can fool people, but could you even imagine what it would look like if every painful memory we have or hateful, vindictive, cruel words that were directed at us in malice showed in bruises and cuts, gashes, burns and wounds? If the world could see and deal with the notion of wearing our heart and despair on our sleeves than maybe people would be more compassionate and hesitate to mock or harm others. In an idealistic, utopian world maybe people would see proof of what others had gone through…and hopefully there would be an end to emotional scars.

Alex drew in a breath. Yeah there was more to Marissa than what met the eye. It was sad in many cases. Alex could recall when Marissa was uncomfortable at people looking at her or staring at her or to put it bluntly-objectifying her. If she thought about it enough Alex could easily become bothered so instead she looked back down at the page and kept reading…

I want to scream till my voice gives out and I want to sleep for days but I can't because I get these nightmares that make me wake up feeling like I got hit by a car or something. The only time I can sleep and I don't wake up every few hours with Alex and I don't want to become dependent on that feeling but I feel safe and if I could I'd spend every night there but I don't want to become a burden. I always feel like it and everyone leaves anyways. My dad, sometimes I forget I have a sister, my mom might as well not even be called mom, not that she deserves the title or anything, she's pretty far from anything maternal so…I feel alone again in a big house with empty rooms and empty people.

Alex paused, letting it sink in. How Marissa felt as though she didn't really have a family, she enjoyed being with her, she made her feel safe…slowly the former blond was realizing that she and Marissa had more in common than she thought. Turning to the next page she noticed the writing only came in small spurts with a few sentences breaking apart each tiny paragraph.

Please don't tell me you love me. That would make all this real. And I'd have to accept the happiness…when everything else seems flawed.

Directly underneath it in smaller writing it said: Sometimes when I catch Alex looking at me I get nervous. Not because she's intimidating or anything…she just looks so...delicate and there's always this unsaid tension that she knows I could hurt her and I don't want to. So instead of saying anything she just stares at me with her blue eyes and I can't say anything to make her understand that I don't want to hurt her and she does so much and I don't know how to tell her anything that I'm thinking.

The writing ended there.

Leaning back heavily in her chair Alex pressed her fingertips against her temple. That was a lot to take I, unexpected…to a degree. Alex thought as she slowly processed it all. The only thing that stopped her from sitting in her chair for hours was Liv's presence nudging or more accurately stepping on her foot for attention. Reaching down she picked her up and cradled her in the nook of her arm but Liv didn't want to stay put, she wiggled out of Alex's hold and pressed her paws on Marissa's notebook and stared at it in deep concentration. Weird…somewhat creepy…

"You're a little disturbing little one," she said out loud to the dog as she ruffled her ears. Liv's response was to let her tongue hang out and then stare at the notebook again. "So what do you think?" she asked her dog gently who bent her nose down and sniffed the paper. Again in Liv's quiet way she laid herself down comfortably and looked at Alex with loyalty and love. "Wow, well look at you," Alex said as she tilted her head to the side a bit.

"Talking to yourself again," Jodie said from her standing point at the door.

"Ha, no. Liv is a valuable member of this staff and I needed her input," Alex said back jokingly.

"You've gotten weirder," Jodie said with a slight smirk as her eyes narrowed. "And you stole my dog." She said placing her hand on her hip.

"She is not your dog." Alex said seriously.

"Ah yeah, she's with me all the time, I buy her treats, I spoil her." The darker brunette said.

"Did you find her? Did you take her home with you? No and no. She doesn't sleep over at your place." Alex said sitting up in her chair. Liv noticed the interaction and picked her head up, shifting her gaze back and forth between the two women.

"I was planning on stealing her actually." Jodie said with a shrug.

"What?!" Alex nearly screamed.

"Yeah and then I was going to steal your girlfriend," Jodie said casually.

"She's not your dog," Alex said annoyed.

"Ah ha," Jodie said pointing at Alex. "You didn't correct me. So Newport Barbie is your girlfriend," she concluded.

"Ugh, she's not my girlfriend," Alex said leaning back in her chair again, exasperated with a hint of frustration and depression seeping out.

"Uh huh, but you want her to be your girlfriend," Jodie said knowingly. _God it's like she's psychoanalyzing me. _Alex kept quiet followed by a good thirty seconds of silence.

"Well you could have fooled me…and everyone," Jodie added.

Narrowing her eyes at her ex Alex asked in a low but curious tone, "What do you mean everyone?"

"Your party you had a while back, everyone thought you were together. Hell even that girl Summer talked to me and said she'd give it a week and you two would be together if you weren't already. Which…I find weird that Marissa wouldn't tell her best friend you two are pretty much together," Jodie off offhandedly commented.

"Yeah…"Alex said sadly. Maybe Marissa's slipping back into her old secretive ways and she's just using me…again.

"Hey, get out of your head, you have work to do," Jodie's voice came through her thoughts in a faux authoritative tone. "And for what its worth, Summer said Marissa seemed happier and from this end you seem happier, there's no more I wanna punch some guys light out attitude you had going for a while," Jodie said half jokingly, though they both knew there was a hint of seriousness and caring involved.

"Yeah yeah," Alex said dismissively as she looked back at her work. She expected Jodie to walk away as usual but instead the girl came into her office and reached her hand out to pick up Liv. Slapping her hand away Alex questioned, "really" as though in disbelief that Jodie would try to take her dog away.

"She's my dog," Jodie persisted.

"Lies," Alex said with a smirk.

"I get visitation," Jodie kept on, making Alex widen her eyes.

"Every other weekend," Alex gave in. Jodie smiled widely and then slowly backed out of the office, her index finger pointed at the former blond.

"Every other weekend and Mondays or I barge into your apartment when I know Marissa will be there ," Jodie threatened in her slightly intimidating way. Alex tried to stop her eyes from widening but knew her eyes gave her away. _Jeeh hee zus, freaking Jesus_. Alex enunciated in her head.

"Fine, Mondays," Alex said slouching. She could really be a push over sometimes…

And with that Jodie winked and went back to her office. Turning around in her chair to face Liv she looked at her tiny, adorable dog and set her chin in the edge of her desk to be at eye level with her dog.

"How's it feel to have everyone want a piece of you?" She asked tiredly. Liv only let out a drained sigh.

"Yeah…me too," Alex replied.

* * *

Author's note: okay so not the best chapter but...such is life at the moment and it'll get better after I think it over, please review, they make me want to keep writing, otherwise I forget I have a story to finish. Enjoy yourselves.


	20. Chapter 20

Author's note: This chapter is going to be somewhat different from the usual writing style and more abstract I suppose, but I hope you enjoy it. Also I notice people really like Liv and since she's based after a real dog that's good, but its slightly comical since this is about Alex and Marissa and not really a dog because this is NOT turning into Marley and Me. I cringe, anyways…happy holidays, even though I'm a scrooge and feedback is always appreciated.

* * *

Lifting her head up Alex decided to get back to work or attempt to focus in the work anyway. She had numerous clients to attend to and certain specifications that each couple or individual wanted. Sighing she shuffled some papers around and took notes on each project. Soon enough hours had passed and she was nearly done with all the details and orders.

Another few hours passed but the time was mostly spent on processing everything Marissa had written. Drifting off and staring at a blank spot on her dark desk she didn't notice Jodie knock on the door.

"Come back to earth," the darker brunette said, breaking Alex from her thoughts. Shaking her head slightly Alex sat back in her chair and lifted her hands above her head to stretch.

"It's time to leave, go home, rest, you look like you're alive only with the help of diet coke and coffee," she continued skeptically. Alex frowned at this but couldn't deny it. That was the only way her energy was prevailing. Shuffling a few folders around she organized her desk then slowly began to stand up but pressed her fingertips to her temple.

"All work and no play," Jodie teased.

"Its not that," Alex cut her off gently.

"Barbie?"

"Could you not?" Alex said growing annoyed.

"What? Marissa causes tension…its her thing," Jodie pointed out with one hand on her hip.

"Continue this topic and you won't get Liv this weekend," Alex said in a controlled tone.

"Fine," was Jodie's short reply. "You need to get some," Jodie mumbled bluntly.

"Jodie! I hate headaches, but they seem to love me and you are NOT helping," Alex said becoming more annoyed. The shorter girl only smirked at this.

"I'm leaving, I'm sure you could think of something to do with your girlfriend to work off the tension" she replied with a smile and turned away from the office to leave.

"She's not my girlfriend!" Alex called back.

"Well she should be," Rea said gently but factually as she stared at some paperwork in her hand while she passed in the hallway, not stopping to look at Alex, just adding her two cents.

Alex let out a sigh and then grabbed her jacket from off the back of her chair, slowly put it on and made her way to the exit with Liv following her at her heels with the notebook tucked under her arm.

The two did their usual routine of getting in the car, heading to her place and then lounging around. Around eight and in the middle of Kill Bill Vol II her phone went off. Stopping the film she went over to the kitchen and answered her cell. "Yeah?" she asked into it.

"Alex." A sad voice came from the other end. "Could you…come over?" Marissa asked gently.

"Babe, what's wrong?" Alex said immediately worried, though annoyed that she would let it slip again that she called Marissa something other than her name.

"I thought I saw Trey today, I swear I did and I think I had…a panic attack or something," Marissa said in a shaky voice and strained tone.

"Do you want me to pick you up…or stay over?" Alex asked delicately, not wanting to sound presumptuous.

"Could you stay over…please," Marissa said with more control in her tone, as though she really wanted something and found the energy to really say it.

"Yeah," Alex said gently. "I'll see you in a few." Just as she was about to hang up she asked, "did you want me to take the ladder?"

"No, you can go to the front door." Marissa said with assurance.

"Is your mom there?" Alex asked somewhat worried.

"Yeah, but she doesn't care, she even said you're a good choice." She added.

"Ah..wow…the world may be coming to an end," she tried to joke, even though she still felt like dirt in Julie's eyes.

"Then you should get over here before hell freezes over," Marissa joked lightly, though there was sadness still evident in her tone, just slightly deluded.

"Okay, bye," Alex said softly and then hung up the phone.

In the next few minutes Alex went up stairs and gathered some clothes and a small bottle of body wash, knowing Marissa she wouldn't be able to get back over to her place for a shower before she had to go to work…a few things for Liv, toothbrush, the usual things and went back downstairs to grab the notebook and place it in the pocket of her bag. Then she turned off all the electronics, shut off all the lights, then picked up Liv, carried her in the nook of her arm as she shut her door and locked it.

When she was in the car she didn't bother with the music she just reversed and put it in drive then sped away quickly. Once she reached Marissa's overly large house she didn't park in the driveway but sat on the side of the street for a few seconds before taking Liv and placing her on her clothes in the bag gently. Taking a deep breath in case she came across Julie she opened her door and made her way to the front door. She didn't even have to knock, the door was pulled open revealing Julie Cooper. Gulping subtly Alex stood there unsure of how to proceed.

"About time," the older woman said…a hint of impatience clear. Alex could only tilt her head to the side.

"Are you going to come in?" Julie asked after she rolled her eyes. Taking a tentative step in Alex shifted the weight of her bag and entered into the foyer.

"You knew I was coming?" Alex asked, though it was clear Julie knew, she was just trying to wrap her head around it.

"I spoke with Marissa, she mentioned it, though she did add in that I didn't have a choice in the matter," Julie said with her usual attitude.

Alex let out a sigh. We really needed to find a common ground were her general thoughts that brought a frown to form on her features.

"Do you not talk anymore?" Julie asked amused and annoyed.

"What do you want me to say?" Alex said frowning more.

"Marissa seems to really like you so I want to be assured you won't hurt her or do anything stupid," she said bluntly.

Alex raised her eyebrow. "So you don't care that she's with this week's yard guy?" Alex said with an edge of bitterness in her voice.

"Oh Alex," Julie said softening her voice. "If we're going to be seeing one another more often we need to move past that and perhaps have civil conversations," Julie said in a controlled tone.

"Why don't you try having real conversations with your daughter and I'll wait for that common ground to be established, but until then I don't have much to say to you at the moment," Alex said without any bitterness or resentment. In fact she was tired and that was clear in her voice, but she really did hope that Julie and Marissa could stop pushing each other away so much. Julie blinked a few times, seemingly shocked by Alex's blunt but sweet statement. Placing her hand in her pocket Alex waited for Julie to say something. Instead the other women only nodded and stated that Marissa was waiting for her then she turned back towards one of the many rooms.

After Julie rounded a corner the former blonde made her way up the stairs as she intently focused on each step, she almost ran into Marissa at the top of the stairs, stopping abruptly she held onto Marissa's waist and looked her over. The other girl's eyes were slightly red and she looked rather pensive.

"Distracted?" She asked Alex as she placed her hands on either side of the darker brunettes face and looked her over.

"Yeah…are you okay?" She asked gently, looking into Marissa's eyes, her gaze unwavering. She looked broken. Alex was sure that seeing this girl in front of her who seemed on the verge of crying propelled her into some metaphysical awareness, that she could question if there was a god-why would that god allow someone to look this pained and the world to be this cruel? She felt like that scene from the movie Closer where if someone took a picture of Marissa it would be beautiful, the emotion would be raw and clear but it would be a lie because it would reaffirm that their lives were okay as they looked at this saddened girl.

At the same time Alex inwardly cursed a god, if such god did exist. She wanted Marissa's pain to be corporeal so she could expel it out of her as though some sort of witchcraft would supposedly do. She wanted to take the pain and drop it into hell where it belonged but all she would do was feel inadequate as she rubbed Marissa's back which was shaking. Sliding her hands up her sides Alex softly cupped Marissa's face and wiped the tears away, gently with her thumbs. She continued to look at Marissa but lost focus as her former girlfriend leaned into her more and brought her lips onto her own. Unable to stop herself from moaning into the kiss she let out a content sigh but couldn't stop herself from frowning while her arms had already drifted to Marissa's hips and held her frame. She tried to pull away but the taller girl deepened the kiss by wrapping her arm around Alex's shoulder and kept her right hand pressed against her jaw.

"Marissa," she said gently, but unable to keep her voice from sounding wistful and content.

"Hmm?" the other girl hummed as she took Alex's lower lip in her mouth and lightly sucked on it.

"Ugh…we need to stop," she said grudgingly as she pushed her back gently but kept her hand on her waist. Marissa looked down at her feet, "Sorry," she said softly.

"You don't have to be sorry…I just want you to talk to me," Alex said dropping her hands from Marissa's body and lightly crossing her arms over her chest.

"Okay," Marissa said looking up at Alex. Slowly she reached out and took Alex's hand in her own and turned towards her bedroom, Alex was pulled along, though willingly to the bedroom. Shutting the door behind her, Marissa continued to hold Alex's hand then led her to the bed. Gently setting her bag on the floor Liv slowly hopped out from her state of slumber and went to her tiny spot that had been made for her previously. Marissa smiled at this and a little more warmth was visible in her eyes. Taking a seat on the edge of the mattress, Alex waited for Marissa to sit and explain more why she wanted her here but instead the taller girl stood between Alex's legs and looked down at her. Shifting herself a little Marissa gently straddled Alex who in turn held onto the taller girl's waist more securely to make sure she wouldn't fall back.

"Thank you for coming," she said with sincerity. And although she was looking down at Alex it was clear her vulnerability was protesting its presence…not wanting to be apparent but it was visible at the fringes with her body language and tone in her voice that had threatened to break. She wanted to negate her inability to be stoic by holding her thoughts in, but instead her primal need to be connected to someone, specifically Alex won out. After all we are social creatures and Marissa inevitably wanted to feel some connectivity even though she felt fully cognizant that everything was exposed emotionally. Everything she had to offer was laid out on the table, no half-truths, just overwhelming honesty at what she was about to say. And so taking a deep breath and moving closer to Alex, she looked down at her as the darker brunette held onto her tighter but with care.

"Alex…you've been...great these last few weeks and I haven't told you anything of what's going on…and I hope the notebook explained a few things…" she said and then seemed to grow even more vulnerable which made Alex move her hands to Marissa's lower back and rub her skin up and down slowly. Looking back at Alex, Marissa smiled at her and moved her hands to Alex's shoulders then continued… "you make me feel safe and I don't want you to think that I'm using you," she said picking up the pace of her speech, "I don't want to pressure you, I know I'm messed up and your life is so together and I don't want to get in the way or hurt you…" she trailed off.

Thinking it over Alex kept looking at Marissa who seemed tense and uncertain. "You aren't messed up. You aren't pressuring me. I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be and as far as hurting me goes…I'll take the chance," she said with a light shrug and a small smirk at the corner of her mouth.

"Why would you do that?" Marissa asked curiously. They were both aware that Marissa really had the control of whether Alex got hurt or not, her track record wasn't that impressive but Alex only shrugged again and Marissa frowned some more, wanting to know the reasoning.

"I want you to be happy and I love you," Alex said casually as though it was something worth mentioning in passing.

"You love me?" Marissa asked perplexed and raised her voice at the end. This caused Alex to smirk some more but she forced her mouth to be a thin line while she moved her eyes back and forth to make it seem as though she were thinking it over.

"Mhm," she finally said with assurance and then couldn't contain her smirk anymore as she looked up and met Marissa's eyes that seemed lighter and filled with more passion.

Marissa bent down swiftly and immediately connected their lips. She kissed Alex fiercely and pressed her body into hers. Pushing herself upwards Marissa held Alex's jaw line and neck in her hands. Then completely straddled her, this movement causing Alex's fingertips to slid under Marissa's shirt to graze her back and pull her in more as Marissa settled herself in Alex's lap. Alex could feel Marissa wanting to deepen the kiss and was prepared for it but instead Marissa pulled back slightly and mumbled into her lips contently, "I love you too." Then kissed her again, this time harder and Alex's matched her pace, moaning into her mouth. Pulling back fully this time Marissa looked Alex in the eyes from her slightly elevated position and gently held onto the back of her neck and shoulder, her palm pressed against her collar bone. "Alex…I want to be your girlfriend," she said with control then added with slight uncertainty, "and I want you to be my girlfriend."

"Mhm," Alex supplied.

"Alex!," Marissa said growing exasperated but this only made a chill go down Alex's spine because she learned before that an annoyed Marissa was really attractive.

"Mhm?" She asked, unable to form words as she looked at Marissa who had narrowed her eyes.

"A real answer with words would be good," she said still annoyed. Oh god, she sounds like a teacher, a really hot teacher…

"I can't when you get angry," Alex said raising her voice a little. She was beginning to get really flustered.

"Why not?" Marissa demanded, rather than asked.

"You have this wife tone…" Alex tried to explain.

"Wife tone?" Marissa asked then stated, "I don't have a wife tone." Alex moved her head to the side to move some hair out of her face and then looked back at Marissa.

"Ah, yeah you do." She said in a tone that wasn't up for debate. A few strands of hair fell in her face again but this time Marissa gently tucked it behind her ear and kept her hand under Alex's jaw.

"Alex…" Marissa said in a commanding tone, which again sent a shiver down her spine. Cutting her off, Alex interjected and said in a rushed confession, "I already feel like I belong to you so…if you want to make it official…I'm yours," she finished gently as she looked up at Marissa with a sense of devotion and then gently pulled her into her body more.

Immediately Marissa bent down again and kissed Alex, only this time nothing was held back as she wrapped her arms around the sitting girl's shoulders. Leaning into Alex more, she slowly pushed her onto the bed and moved her arms so they were supporting her weight as she let the rest of her weight slowly settle over Alex who moved her hands from Marissa's lower back to her thighs which she squeezed gently and then harder when Marissa moved her hips into Alex making the shorter girl moan. This made Marissa smirk and then prompted her to stop kissing the girl beneath her and attack her neck, sucking on the pulse point as she fully pressed her entire body into Alex who kept moaning, shocked by the turn of events of what she expected tonight. Nipping and biting Alex's neck, Marissa slipped her hand under Alex's shirt and moved her palm along the her skin until she was completely where she knew she needed to be, already aware of what Alex liked.

Again shocked by Marissa, Alex let out a breathy, "Oh god," and arched her back which was exactly what Marissa wanted as she slid her hand back down Alex's stomach and gripped the hem of her shirt, quickly removing it with Alex's help as she sat up.

With the shirt now discarded on the floor Marissa kissed Alex's collar bone and her neck again while her hand maneuvered around to Alex's back and unclasped her bra. Then slowly slid it off her shoulders as they stared at one another, completely unwilling to lose eye contact.

When Marissa did let her eyes wander they were only to Alex's lips. Leaning into her girlfriend she kissed Alex hard and felt a wave of contentment seep through her entire body, knowing that she was able to be with someone she loved, who loved her. And for the next couple hours they made a point to show each other.


	21. Chapter 21

Marissa tried to keep Alex in bed by wrapping her legs around her and pinning her to the blankets, her arms on either side of Alex's face. Her body slightly leaning into the girl she was currently straddling. As for Alex her arms having a will power of their own were wrapped around Marissa's waist as she looked into her blue, grey eyes, then lifted herself up so that she and Marissa were sitting upright in bed.

"This is cruel you know, I have to go to work…and you're making it really…difficult," Alex said while Marissa still sat, straddling Alex and continued to kiss her. Her only response was a coy smile. Smirking at Marissa, Alex deftly moved her arms lower around Marissa and picked her up, pressing Marissa tighter against her as Marissa wrapped her legs around Alex's waist more, pulling her closer with her arms that were on her shoulders and leaned in, placing a delicate kiss on Alex's cheek then her jaw line, then near her ear and Alex shuddered at the feeling. Bringing their lips together Alex held Marissa tighter, closing any space that was previously between them.

"I think I need to feed you more often...you feel so light," Alex mumbled into Marissa's lips, not wanting to break contact.

"I wouldn't say no," Marissa mumbled then groaned as she felt Alex press her against the door to the bathroom. Alex smiled into the kiss that was quickly becoming heated

"Shower, then school," she said, her voice lowering as she set Marissa down softly but kept her pressed against the door as she turned the handle to let them in as Marissa's hands were softly stroking Alex's face and pulling her into a more passionate kiss.

_I'm running late, I'm running late. _Alex kept saying as she tried to balance a diet coke in her hand and put her arm through her sweater as she exited Marissa's house forty-five minutes later. Liv was sleepily resting in the bad that hung around Alex's shoulder, making it rather strenuous to put her clothes back on. Which wouldn't be a problem if Marissa wouldn't stop interrupting or taking them off…Okay, my life could be worse. She thought and smirked at her own stream of consciousness while she got into her jeep and headed to work.

Shortly after she was sitting at her desk trying to work but her thoughts kept drifting off. Before she could get any concrete work done Jodie came in, skipped over saying hello to Alex and went straight for Liv.

"You're going to stay with me tonight and tomorrow huh little one?" Jodie asked but more stated to Liv as she cradled her in her hands.

"Mmm yeah, you do that," Alex said dismissively as she looked over her orders.

"Oooh got any plans tonight?" Jodie asked curiously.

"Marissa mentioned going to the bait shop," Alex said in a distracted tone. Jodie frowned at this and looked Alex over fully.

"You have a hickey on your neck," she stated bluntly. Alex turned her head to look at Jodie, her eyes widening and then back at her desk, though she lifted her shoulders and dropped her head a little to hide he neck.

"Oh yeah, that'll make the evidence go away that you were with Marissa." Jodie said, rolling her eyes, though her tone was playful. "And there's more than one," Jodie smirked some more as she stated the obvious.

"Ugh, could you find me a scarf then?" Alex said growing slightly irritated at the conversation while she got a message on her phone from Marissa about meeting at the bait shop at nine. There was a band playing she knew they'd like.

"Yeah," Jodie said as she left the room with Liv tucked in her arm.

A few minutes later Jodie was back with a dark purple scarf. Throwing it at Alex who was now standing looking through a binder on the bookshelf Alex lifted her arms to catch the article.

"Jesus…Alex," she said growing concerned.

"What?" Alex asked, looking at her friend worried.

"You have…really red scratch marks on your back.." Jodie said with sincere concern.

"Oh, I'll be fine," Alex replied dismissively, though she tried to cover the blush that starting to cover her face.

I didn't notice that...Marissa…changed…she's not rough, but her mood's were a little darker than usual, she's still really soft though…especially her skin…

"Alex, come in Alex, chhhhh over?" Jodie mocked with a fake walkie talky. Narrowing her eyes at the darker brunette Alex went back to her seat and sat down heavily.

"Trouble already?" Jodie asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Nope, the opposite, I'm just tired." Alex said gently.

"Yeah...cause of all the"

"Don't finish that," Alex said cutting her off. "get to work, take care of Liv and go away," Alex said back slowly and dryly, though Jodie knew she was half joking who smirked and headed back out.

"Sleep trumps sex," the dark brunette added at the doorway making Alex roll her eyes and get back to work.

Hours later Alex was finally finishing her work. It was about six thirty by the time she got to her car. When she reached her apartment she didn't even bother taking anything out of her jeep. Walking into her place she felt like a zombie as she ascended the stairs and laid in her bed. Within minutes she was asleep. The only reason why she woke nearly three hours later was the doorbell constantly ringing. Then it stopped for a glorious few seconds only to hear her cell phone go off.

"Yeah?" she mumbled tiredly into the phone.

"Alex, you said you'd be at the bait shop by nine, its almost ten," Marissa said gently, knowing that the former blonde was asleep.

"Okay…I'll be down in a few, I just have to change," she said slowly, but she was clearly coming out of sleep.

"I'll wait outside," Marissa said sweetly and hung up. Alex shut her phone and looked at it confused. Shaking her head a little to clear away the haze she was in she got up, stretched and went to her closet, pulling out her black, skinny jeans, a long, white shirt and kept her the purple scarf on. She looked over herself in the mirror and noticed the slight circles that were forming under her eyes. Putting some concealer on, a touch of mascara and light brown eye shadow on she soon headed back downstairs after grabbing another diet coke and a bottle of water from the fridge.

_I need to grocery shop, do laundry, take Liv to get her shots, talk to those clients… _she thought on her way to her jeep. Locking her apartment door she didn't notice Marissa who stood leaning against the jeep. When Alex turned around she noticed Marissa in a dark blue dress. It wasn't overtly fancy, it was casual but seemed made for her. Not able to stop her eyes from looking over Marissa, Alex stood gaping at her girlfriend. As she was about to say something Marissa took a step towards Alex and brought their lips together in a sweet and delicate kiss.

"Thanks." Marissa said happily a slight glimmer present in her eyes.

"I didn't say anything," Alex said confused as she held Marissa's waist gently.

"Your eyes said enough," Marissa noted and smirked.

"Mm well you look…"

"Great, I know," Marissa said back in a slightly playful but arrogant way.

"I was going to say beautiful," Alex said gently while she got into her jeep.

"Oh…"Marissa said, halting her movements.

"Anyways, how do you know?" Alex said changing the topic.

"Summer gave it approval and she said if you didn't rip it off then you should go back to being a blonde." Marissa teased but stated honestly. Alex scowled as she started the jeep and headed to the bait shop.

"I wouldn't rip it off you," Alex stated, becoming defensive and annoyed at the idea, her jaw clenching, unbeknownst to her while she kept her eyes on the road.

"I told her that," Marissa replied as she reached over and touched the side of Alex's face, her palm cupping her jaw as she looked over at the distracted driver.

"You know I wouldn't…be aggressive or hurt you...right?" She asked, slightly above a whisper. Marissa continued to look at Alex, not saying a word, making her feel insecure and uncertain. Shifting her hand from Alex's face to slide down her arm to her hand she squeezed Alex's hand and said sweetly, "I know," with absolute certainty.

"Don't be so serious Alex, you're a little punk," she said with a smile, "but you're just a softy," she smiled wider.

"Yeah…to you," she mumbled. "And don't tell anyone that," she playfully warned her.

"Then I guess you better stop me," Marissa said with an even wider smile as Alex parked the jeep. Turning the car off quickly and pocketing the key Alex swiftly turned to Marissa, her hands smoothly going to the girls face, entwining in her hair as she pressed her lips slowly against hers. Marissa didn't seem to be in the mood for being all too delicate as she kissed Alex harder and took her bottom lip between her teeth and gently bit down. Quickly after Marissa took Alex's lip into her mouth and slowly sucked on it briefly before pulling back and looking at the former blond who seemed in a daze.

"Your plan backfired," Marissa smirked while Alex's eyes were still closed.

"Ah…no…that was the objective the entire time," Alex attempted to be sly.

"You're cute," Marissa said with a crooked smile.

"I am NOT cute," Alex said opening her eyes fully. "Let's go in," she said, effectively changing the topic while they got out. Reaching over the side Alex grabbed her light grey hoodie and put it on, zipping it up so that it fit her thin frame nicely. This time when she turned to look at Marissa she caught Marissa looking her over from head to toe.

"Ready?" She said smirking at the taller girl.

"Hm? Yeah." Marissa replied distracted as Alex held the door open for the both of them as music and the bass escaping from inside. Quickly scanning the area she noticed it hadn't changed much, except that the real manager was actually working which never happened. When she spotted him and he looked up through the crowd and spotted her he nearly broke his face with a smile. He said a few words to the other bar tender and walked around to greet Alex and Marissa who had taken a few steps closer to the bar.

"Alex!" He said joyfully. "Please come work for me again," his tone immediately turning grave. At this she quirked an eyebrow at him. "Please," he continued, "we're swamped, its chaotic, I need your organizational skills…not to mention it was less dramatic around here," he lowered his voice a little.

"Dramatic how?" She asked curiously.

"Fights…fights…"he said as though he were listing off the issues.

"I have a job," she cut to the chase, her hands now resting in her hoodie pockets in a laid back demeanor.

"I'll double what you made before," he throws in.

"I don't need the money," she states factually. Now its his turn to raise his eyebrows.

"If you want me to…redo the place, design it, fix a few things, call some people and work one day on the weekend to organize your inventory I'll do it, but only that," she said seriously.

"Done, this place needs to be changed a bit and one day a week is better than nothing," he said happily. "Numbers still the same, call tomorrow and we'll make the details." He said in a managerial fashion, switching back to boss mode. Nodding Alex said okay and headed farther into the building.

"You didn't have to do that," Marissa said nicely.

"Yeah, but the guy looks half crazed, its only one day a week, plus that's a new client," she said as Marissa slipped her hand into the shorter girls hand while they made their way to the booth on the side.

"Well it was nice of you,' she said squeezing the former blond's bicep a little, smiling in the process. Alex only shrugged and took a seat tiredly. Marissa kept standing and peered down at Alex.

"Can I help you?" Alex asked in a smart-alec tone.

"I wanna dance." Marissa said impatiently.

"Then go dance," Alex said while she tried to suppress a smile.

"Come with me," Marissa challenged with some command in her voice.

"Ah no," Alex said as she crossed her legs under the table and leaned back more.

"Alex Kelly, get up and dance with your girlfriend," Marissa demanded with her hands on her hips. Her eyes widened looking up at her girlfriend and she visibly gulped. Marissa angry is hot and I need my brain rewired.

"Okay," Alex mumbled and grabbed onto the edge of the table to lift herself. Holding out her hand Marissa gently took Alex's hand and walked towards the main part of the bar, in front of the stage where people were dancing.

Soon Marissa started swaying her hips in front of Alex who stood there with her hands in her pockets, looking intently at the taller girl who bit her lips and moved her hips more so to the local band on stage.

"Are you going to just stand there?" Marissa teased as she moved closer and gently placed her arm on the girl's shoulder, effectively pulling her closer. In order to not fall into Marissa, Alex swiftly took her hands out from her pockets and wrapped her arms around Marissa's hips, her palms pressing into the taller girl's skin. This caused Marissa to move her hips more but turn around so her back was pressed into Alex who kept her palms pressed onto her hips, her fingertips now sliding under the hem of her shirt to graze her skin. Marissa pressed her body into Alex further, causing the shorter girl to slide one hand to Marissa's thigh and give it a light squeeze and then a harder when Marissa moved her hips even more so into Alex. Lifting her arm back Marissa held onto the back of Alex's head and slowly pulled her closer. As Alex was a few millimeters away from kissing Marissa's a rather tall, muscular guy came over and stood in front of Marissa, placed his hand on her hip, the hip that Alex's hand was previously placed and moved closer to her. Immediately Alex felt Marissa tense up, her back felt almost like marble when Alex pressed her palm to her lower back, pulled her closer to her and moved her subtlety to the right. The guy didn't take the hint since he kept his hand on Marissa and attempted to dance with her while his hand moved closer to her lower back. This time Alex couldn't care less about being subtle in a crowded club. Stepping forward she looked the guy down who for a split second looked stunned and then straightened out.

"And what can I do for you?" He asked in a way that was meant to be charming but was simply disgusting as he looked Alex up and down.

"You could leave," she said in a deadpan tone. Looking down at Alex the guy appeared shocked for a split second until he smirked and continued with renewed interest at the challenge, "She your keeper?" He asked Marissa with a playful tone that contained a hint of annoyance from being told what to do or rather implied what his course of action should be.

"No, but she is however my girlfriend," Marissa replied with conviction and a hard voice. Raising his eyebrows the guy asked now with more self interest, "girlfriend, huh?"

At this Alex advanced towards the guy, moving Marissa gently behind her with her hand cupping over Marissa's delicately. Sensing Alex's anger the man only smiled and replied to Alex's body language, "why don't we go back to my place and you can punish me all you want," he said in a lecherous way that was an attempt at being suave. If Alex had any food in her stomach she was sure it would had flipped and protested staying in her body, by this point she had more than enough.

_What the hell! Is this bullshit day? Fucking eh! _She thought as she squared her shoulders and took a step closer to the older man. His response was only to smile back and then he asked in a cocky manner, "how 'bout it babe" while looking over at Marissa and then back to Alex. Without saying anything, because she knew it would be a waste of her vocal cords, Alex punched him straight on in the face, hearing his nose crunch, effectively making her point. Immediately the guy brought his hands up to his nose, a pool of blood collecting in his palms as he mumbled profanities and cursed Alex, calling her a bitch and other expletives.

"Well, she's a woman of few words," was Marissa's somewhat amused but distant response, as though she were witnessing a scene from a TV show that didn't involve her. Squeezing Marissa's hand a little Alex looked into her eyes that seemed unfocused.

"Want to go?" She asked nicely, her entire body turned to face Marissa, her eyes looking over Marissa's entire face that seemed somewhat shocked. Nodding her response Marissa let Alex lead her back towards her jeep.

Once outside in the fresh air that had wisps of salt lingering, Marissa blinked a few times and abruptly stopped walking before they reached Alex's JEEP, dropping her hand in the process. Halting her pace Alex pivoted to face Marissa and waited for her to say something or possibly resume walking.

"Do you always have to be violent?" Marissa asked or rather accused Alex of a personality flaw while she leaned against the jeep. Frowning at this Alex took a step back as though she had been slapped herself and looked at the ground. Sighing she let her shoulders sag.

"I…"

Before Alex could get any other words out a fist came into contact with her eye knocking her back a few feet, almost making her fall to the ground but instead she crouched down. Lifting her hand to her face she felt around her eye and felt a gash on her upper cheek.

"Bitch." The guy said with anger and clenched his fist, moving it in small circles near his leg.

_Funny, I was about to call you a bastard. _Alex thought cynically. Shifting her weight she was about to stand up but felt someone kick her in the ribs. Hearing a scream she suppressed a pained groan and fell onto her side. Rolling painfully over to her other side she got up and faced her attacker who to her lack of surprise was the guy from inside. Just as she was putting up her arms to block another blow she felt a fist contact with her ribs making her fall to the ground in ball while she tried to gasp for air; each intake bringing on a chiseled, distracting pain. She didn't notice the guys foot lift up and make contact with her ribs again as she rolled over onto her side more, her arm underneath her so that she could try to get up but instead the guy leaned over her, grabbed her shoulder roughly and pushed her back down then hit her again in the face.

This time she felt her lip get cut open from a ring. Grunting out the pain she subtly lifted her leg and kicked him directly where she needed to as he pulled back, ready to punch her again only he was caught unaware and fell to his knees and started heaving when he felt the effects of Alex's kick to his groin. Rolling away and slowly getting up, Alex kept her weight on her forearm then lifted herself, not bothering to look at Marissa or the guy. Tucking her arm around herself she held her ribs and got into the car and sat down gently but another wave of adrenaline hit her when she saw the guy rush at her again like a football player trying to make a tackle. Opening her door at the last second it compacted with his head and he was knocked out cold. Closing her door loudly she maneuvered herself with one hand to start the car as Marissa quietly got into the car. Alex briefly looked over and saw fresh tears in her eyes and then gave her undivided attention on the ride back to her place.

Sitting in silence during the brief ride that seemed more like a half hour Alex felt Marissa's gaze on her the entire time but remained focused on the road. She felt Marissa gently set her hand on her thigh but tensed up and clenched her jaw, though unconscious of her body language she felt Marissa pull her hand back and look at the dashboard, the window…anything but her.

When they arrived at Alex's apartment the former blond remained seated, her thoughts playing over in her head. The fight replying, Marissa screaming and that was a painful memory like a broken record. Gripping the steering wheel tightly she tried to steady her breathing, her heart race had quickened since the previous moments were being reconstructed, dissolved, pushed back and obsessed over in her head, making her feel unsteady and annoyed.

"Alex?" Marissa said gently.

"Mhm?" She mumbled back, unwilling to look at Marissa.

"We should go inside…" the lighter brunette pleaded. Alex only nodded slightly, shut off the car and exited the vehicle slowly, still holding onto her side. Marisa was already at the door, having unlocked it and waited for Alex patiently. For a split second Alex looked up and saw hurt, confusion, longing and love in Marissa's eyes. Looking down Alex averted her eyes and walked into her apartment.

Once Marissa was inside she turned slowly and shut the door, resting her head against the cool surface for a few seconds before turning back to Marissa who was already in the bathroom making loud noises, clearly rummaging around as she mumbled incoherently to herself. Sighing Alex made her way over to Marissa and leaned against the door frame, looking her girlfriend over who seemed flustered and tense.

"Can I help you?" Alex said without any emotion, well aware that she had asked that before tonight in a completely different tone.

"No," Marissa said with a broken voice and turned her head to wipe her eyes to stop more tears from falling; though the attempt to be indiscreet was done in vain since Alex noticed. Letting out a shaky breath Alex bent down to Marissa's level and looked her over, her eyes shifting to look at each strained feature on her face. She looked so tired…

"Do you want to go upstairs?" Alex asked, still without emotion. Frowning back at Alex, Marissa grabbed a few things and nodded gently. Shifting her weight Alex began to get up but drew in a sharp breath.

"Alex!" Marissa said raising her strained voice. "Oh my god, Alex, why didn't you do anything?" Marissa asked with worry but with somewhat of an accusatory tone. Squinting her eyes at Marissa and turning her head to the side slightly Alex dropped her hand from her ribs and said in a tense voice, "You asked me right before if I always have to be violent." Unable to stop herself from raising her voice and hating herself for yelling at Marissa she turned and started up towards the winding staircase, every other step hurting her side. Feeling Marissa's eyes on her she stopped midway and kept her hand on the railing, her back faced towards the taller girl. Lowering her voice to almost a plea Alex asked, "are you going to come up?"

Hearing Marissa walk towards her she continued up towards her bedroom and kicked off her shoes then sat on the bed. Lifting one of her arms she tried to get the hoodie off but stopped halfway when a sharp pain shot through her body, instantly bringing tears to her eyes which made her only more frustrated, thus the vicious cycle of more tears were triggered. Quickly brushing the tears away she felt Marissa stand before her and then bend down to rest on her knees. Looking up at Alex who's vision was cast downward Marissa gently lifted her chin to meet her level. Alex didn't look away from Marissa but she did look past her, at a blank space on the wall, focusing on the color. She felt Marissa peer at her and scrutinize her face but she felt Marissa shift her hand from her chin to her jaw, her fingertips brushing the back of her neck.

"I'm sorry," Marissa said gently and with raw emotion. Swallowing Alex finally looked at Marissa and saw her bloodshot eyes. Her chest clenched up and she looked down. She wanted to be better, to not be her usual self and resort to physical violence, she also wanted Marissa to be safe….she didn't think she could do that, protect her all the time if Marissa didn't like the way she was. And it hit her…_this isn't going to work_. Preparing herself for the fallout Alex built up her walls again and kept silent. Avoiding looking at Marissa who kept her hand against her cheek Alex tried to take off her sweater again only to feel more pain and more annoyance follow soon after. Groaning she stopped moving and sat defeated and tense, almost like a statue and she felt that way, knowing that Marissa was trying and she was being cold.

Sighing she looked at her dirty jeans and asked Marissa gently, "could you help me take this off?" Marissa only started to silently cry more and moved her hands to the hem of the hoodie then slowly dragged it over Alex's head in a very mindful, meticulous manner. Next was the t-shirt that was rather skin tight but fit Alex well and they both knew it. Frowning at the shirt Marissa set her palms on Alex's thighs and knew it would be impossible to take off without Alex being in more pain. The sweater was hard enough and when Marissa looked back at Alex who was not staring intently back at her she saw tears at the edges of her eyes. Biting her lower lip Marissa drew in a slow breath and asked Alex in a sad whisper, "What do you want to do?"

"There's scissors in the right hand drawer of the bathroom," Alex indicated with her head in a monotone voice. Slowly Marissa got up and went to the bathroom, coming back seconds later with the tool. She waited for Alex to reposition herself so that she was laying down on the bed, her legs bent over the edge. Crawling onto the bed, trying to not touch Alex Marissa hovered over her and gently took the bottom of the shirt in one hand as she held the scissors in her hand that was beginning to shake from trying to suppress her own tears. Making a point not to touch Alex's skin, seeing as how she hadn't responded to her apology Marissa began cutting a line throughout the material, methodically and without looking at Alex who was intently looking at Marissa but her mind was elsewhere, anywhere but where she was really. After Marissa was done cutting the last inch she reached over and set the scissors on the side table then took the cut up shirt and pulled it aside. The only thing that made Alex come out of her thoughts that were her attempt at escapism was Marissa's gasp. Looking at Marissa and then at her own torso Alex saw the large bruises adorn her side and more of a purple tint around her ribs. Sitting up she pulled at the shirt awkwardly to get it off and turned her back towards Marissa. Next she tried to remove her bra, her arm coming behind her back in a way that made her gasp sharply, then clench her fist and press it into her thigh to stop herself from groaning in annoyance. Taking in a few deep breaths she closed her eyes and asked in a disconnected tone, "could you help me...I can't..".

Although she tried to sound controlled her voice dropped and she knew her vulnerability and depression was hanging in the room. Moving so that she was sitting behind Alex, Marissa lifted her hand and gently removed the offending item. Once the item was gone and Alex sat half exposed, her back still facing Marissa she let out a deep, resigning sigh. Instinctively Marissa moved closer to Alex and lightly touched her shoulders who leaned back into the touch.

"Alex, I love you." She said with certainty. "I'm sorry for what I said," she continued slowly and then paused to give the other girl her undivided attention. "I didn't mean it, I was…scared and I couldn't help you, I didn't know how to help you and I didn't mean it," she stressed again as she gently rubbed her fingertips up and down Alex's arm while her other hand had fallen to her waist, barely touching her.

"Okay," was Alex's terse response. Slowly turning around to face Marissa she grabbed the sheet from under her and brought it up to cover herself, not wanting to upset her over the bruises and part of it, she admitted to herself was she just didn't want Marissa to see her like this. "I love you too," she said still with sadness and then kissed her cheek. Pulling back she caught Marissa smiling but a frown quickly replaced her features.

"What?" Alex asked skeptically.

"Your lip is bleeding…and you have a cut near your eye.." Marissa said with shock and renewed sadness.

"Yeah?" Alex asked as though it wasn't an issue, after all Marissa was stating the obvious at the moment.

"Alex!" Marissa raised her voice and gave her classic wife tone making Alex smirk though she tried to hide it.

"What?!" Alex asked back incredulously. Narrowing her eyes at the girl Marissa scowled at her which prompted Alex to sit up straighter as though to challenge the glare.

"Stay here." Marissa commanded and rolled off the bed

"Actually I was planning on going to Singapore," Alex called back over to Marissa's retreating form sarcastically. Popping her head back out from behind the door frame Marissa glared at Alex more, starting to look annoyed and again Alex could only smirk. She's so god damned cute.

"Stop being a smart ass and that smirk needs to go," Marissa said commandingly.

"Wife tone," Alex stated playfully. Walking back over to Alex with a hand on her hip and a few medical supplies in her other hand Marissa looked down at Alex and lowered her voice, "Oh I'll give you a wife tone." Gulping at this Alex couldn't stop herself from thinking how attractive Marissa was, her smirk only widened.

"Stop smirking," Marissa commanded, her back straightening more.

"Mm why?" Alex questioned curiously.

"It's sexy," Marissa said happily, a smirk of her own now gracing her face. Smiling even more at this information Alex felt a wave of energy and contentment slip through her body.

"Come here?" She asked Marissa gently and the taller girl slowly sat down and looked her face over again.

"This is going to sting, but you'll get a reward after," Marissa said sadly at first but then her voice turned playful.

"Okay," Alex said gently, complying with Marissa, although she hated the disinfectant and the process of cleaning cuts. Shutting her eyes she felt Marissa dab a tissue on her lower lip and gently wipe away the blood. Next she moved to the cut near her eye, this time Alex scrunched her face and immediately Marissa kissed her cheek. When it was done seconds later Alex heard Marissa open something else while she kept her eyes closed. She felt a sticky substance lightly cover her gashes and then opened her eyes, seeing Marissa cover the top to the tiny tube of Neosporin. Offering a light smile to Marissa, Alex patted her thighs with one hand as she held the sheet in her other hand, still set on covering herself in front of Marissa, but giving her to go ahead to sit in her lap. Slowly Marissa got up, moved to the other side of the room and placed the supplies on the dresser then walked back over the Alex and very carefully straddled her waist, mindful not to put her weight on her.

"You know…I want to thank you.." Marissa started.

"For what," Alex asked, moving her free hand to Marissa's lower back, holding her closer so they were more secure and balanced while she looked up at Marissa.

"You're the only one who respects me when you look at me," she said slowly. Responding to this Alex gently pressed her fingertips to Marissa's lower back and with this Marissa leaned down, her arms coming up to barely rest around Alex's shoulders as she kissed her gently. Alex quickly deepened the kiss, making a point that Marissa didn't need to be that soft.

"Alex?" Marissa asked unsure.

"You're not going to hurt me," Alex said with thin certainty while looking up at Marissa and pulled her into her body more.

"Alex." Marissa said this time with more command.

"Okay…just...mind the ribs and we're good," Alex said dismissively and then leaned in to kiss Marissa who pulled back.

"Alex.." Cutting Marissa off Alex smirked and noted, "You're wearing out my name and not in the way you could be," she teased.

"Alex.." Marissa tried again but was cut off by Alex saying back playfully, "Marissa.." At this Marissa was starting to become annoyed but soon sadness took over her previous facial expression.

"You're hurt," she reasoning.

"Well I want you to stop looking at me like its your fault, because its not and I'd prefer to be kissing you and making you happy," she confessed gently, her hand drawing circles around Marissa's lower back but Marissa didn't move, she appeared to be thinking it over.

"Please?" Alex asked gently, pulled her even closer to the point that a piece of paper couldn't fix between then. Feeling Marissa soften into her body she looked at Marissa who was peering down at her with love and deep consideration and then pulled back to lift her arms up after grabbing the midsection of the blue dress and slowly drew it over her body, over her head and finally let it fall to the floor. Alex continued to look at Marissa in amazement.

"And that's…what I was talking about." Marissa said contently. Shaking her head to clear the confusion Alex looked back up at Marissa who was straddling her in her dark blue bra and underwear, only her eyes were completely focused on Marissa now.

"What?" She whispered.

"I don't feel like you're objectifying me...when you look at me...you're the only one who doesn't do that." Marissa noted as she moved closer to Alex and wrapped her arms around her shoulders a little more.

"You're beautiful," Alex confessed in a way that couldn't be refuted. Leaning down and kissing Alex harder than before Marissa shifted her hand to Alex's jaw line and pulled her in more but stopped abruptly.

"You're beautiful Alex," she said through heavy breathing. Blushing at the comment Alex tried to hide it but kissing Marissa again and was pleased when she felt Marissa's tongue graze her lower lip, allowing access Alex also took her hand away from the sheet that was covering her upper body, letting Marissa slide from her hand from her shoulder down to her back smoothly and gently. Moaning into Marissa's mouth Alex felt the taller girl take her hand from her back and bring it behind her own to unclasp her bra. Alex slowly helped take off the article of clothing and looked up at Marissa, her hand resting on the back of her neck.

"We're going to go really slow," Marissa said with authority but with a mixture of fear about the issue of hurting Alex.

"Okay," Alex agreed gently and pulled Marissa into her. Their lips met and didn't battle for dominance, they kissed slowly, occasionally picking up the pace when more clothes were discarded but throughout the night they kept their agreement. And loved every minute of it.


	22. Chapter 22

Author's note: Pardon if this seems repetitious if you've read my profile.

* * *

Turning her head over and moving her pillow around Alex searched for a cool spot as she repositioned herself. Marissa had been incredibly sweet she realized, the events of a few hours ago replaying and reforming in her mind making the corners of her mouth turn up slightly. Everything Marissa seemed to want to convey last night was in every touch, every kiss and every blissful sound that was made. Alex knew that when she felt one hundred percent she would go for round two. Looking over at Marissa who was contently laying on her stomach, lost in sleep with contentment in her features Alex pressed her hand into the girl's lower back and tried to move closer to her. As lame as it was she couldn't help but think that she was addicted to this girl, she craved touching her and simply letting her fingertips slide down the taller girls tanned skin. Stretching out her back arching just barely Marissa began to stir and soon a peaceful sigh escaped her lips. Her eyes opened, the slumber still heavily present through her nearly open eyelids but she smiled at Alex, leaned closer to her and brought her arm around to very gently hold Alex's waist, careful of avoiding her ribs, while she rested her head on the former blond's shoulder and kissed her neck. Assuming that Marissa was about to drift back to sleep Alex placed her hand behind her head and let her body relax into the bed more. She was more than surprised when she felt her deceptively sleepy girlfriend's hand roam over her body, down over her hips and rested patiently across her lower stomach seemingly waiting for acceptance. Taking Marissa's face gently between her hands Alex pulled her closer and kissed her with a revived sense of energy, a mixture of love and lust built when Marissa kissed her back harder and with purpose, while her body moved closer, hovering over Alex, her hand traveling lower…

An hour later and both girls out of breath Marissa leaned into Alex, kissing her neck, spoke in a lowered voice that edged on being husky and smiled sweetly before saying cheekily, "Good morning."

Lightly laughing, Alex had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. "You are ridiculous." She said with a smirk, "but endearing," she added with love as her smile grew wider. Frowning back at the girl beneath her Marissa lifted her head and placed her hand under to support herself.

"Ah the mixed compliment," Marissa said as though she were giving a review.

"It's a talent," Alex said with a bit of arrogance.

"Ha Ha," Marissa said with a mock tone though she was slightly smiling. Settling back down into the comfortable mattress Marissa began to spread out and soon a content sigh escaped Alex's lips once Marissa was wrapped around her again.

"Oh my god," Alex breathed out.

"You believe in god?" Marissa asked, shifting her arm so it was supporting her head now that she was sitting up.

"Honestly?" Alex asked with a raise eyebrow.

"Yeah…" Marissa said softly with interest.

"I've always been ambivalent about it. I think…if there was a god life would or should be easier for people or at least there would be less hatred and cruelty in the world. That's idealistic though," she said gently and pensively then let out a small sigh and continued, "I've always felt that god isn't perfect, everyone makes mistakes, you can't be all knowing and you can't be perfect because…that would mean that everyone would have to have the exact viewpoint of what perfection is, no deviation what so ever in order for perfection to really exist."

Putting her hand behind her head Alex stretched out and drew the sheet up over her some more and looked at Marissa for a moment before continuing. If there is a god I think god would be in everything, the earth, every person, every animal, every race and gender of everyone….that way there would be some degree of mutual respect. But I think that the world tries to create balance so there's also bad in people, almost how in The Inferno some people are filled with so much evil their souls are really in hell and a demon or evil spirit is inside them, not like an exorcism or possession, that's extreme and I don't believe in that, I think everyone has free will and their own autonomy but some people can just be cruel because its in their nature. But I also think that organized religion divides people more than brings them together, in most cases I think a little community is formed and it becomes to homogeneous that diversity becomes shunned and this mentality of likeness turns into this incestuous mentality….then this sense of divination occurs much of the time…so reason and logic is pushed back because that promotes disregarding rationality. That's where the ambivalence comes in…I really think the underlying concept or foundation of all religion is to love, teach tolerance and acceptance. I have an issue with people going to war over religion and missing the whole point of why religion was thought of in the first place." Taking a deep breath Alex seemed to come to a closing. "On the other hand it seems apparent that there isn't a god. And it really annoys me that people say one nation under god. No, there's a reason for separation of church and state." She paused and took in a breath as she slid her arm up and down Marissa's back. "But if you think about it, if there is a god, god would be lonely and have a hell of a superiority complex, also god wouldn't have anything to believe in, it'd be an atheist and the devil would really be the one to believe in god. Then again-who cares."

"Wow…that was the longest speech I've EVER heard you make," Marissa said with a sense of awestruck amusement. "That was unexpected," she noted with sincerity as she looked at Alex sweetly. Shrugging Alex held onto Marissa's waist and gently pulled her closer.

"You never asked before."

"My apologies," Marissa said with sincerity and continued to look down at Alex with deep interest. "So…anything else you wanted to say about god while we're on the topic?"

"I can't really say it as well as others really, I mean…I read The Bible, The Koran, some of Buddhist teachings…The Inferno...hmmm…Slaughter House Five…certain books that really have a humanitarian message like…The Man Who Fell to Earth…" she paused and frowned thinking a few things over. "I mean…some of the books and concepts are really cynical but I think…sometimes…everything seems so bleak in a black and white sense. And I think…the universe is expanding-constantly," she added with more emphasis, "to be able to hold all the souls of people and animals. It doesn't make much sense…and I'm not even sure if I believe in souls or some unique essence a person may have…but I'd like to believe in something. Possibly that the universe is inevitably and physically expanding…to fit everyone and the idea that its connected, even when we feel so insignificant in comparison to the universe," Alex finished softly.

"Alex…wow.." Marissa finally said after a few moments. "You just think about these things..?"

"Mmmm yeah…I think we all have some existential moments," Alex said calmly.

"Ah no…not everyone," Marissa proclaimed excitedly though she tried to downplay it. "Keep talking," Marissa demanded happily.

"Ha, about what?" Alex asked with happy amusement.

"Tell me about the books…your favorite parts…" Marissa suggested.

"I can give you some quotes," Alex supplied. She looked up at Marissa and saw her gently nod then shift her body again to rest on Alex.

"Okay this is from The Man Who Fell to Earth…its about an alien who comes to earth cause his civilization is dying out and we have more resources here so he's trying to save is people and bring them to Earth so they can live so he says to this human who becomes his friend more or less.. 'do you realize that you will not only wreck your civilization, such as it is, and kill most of your people, but that you will also poison the fish in your rivers, the squirrels in your trees, the flocks of birds, the soul, the water? There are times when you seem to us, like apes running loose in a museum, carrying knives, slashing the canvases, breaking the statuary with hammers." Alex said slowly, trying to recall each word.

"You weren't kidding about the cynicism," Marissa said after a few seconds of silence. Nodding her head slowly, Alex bent down and smelled Marissa's hair and smiled to herself. Every morning should be like this…laying in bed. She thought to herself.

"Tell me more," Marissa demanded and squeezed Alex's arm lightly.

"Hmm…In Slaughter House Five one of my favorite parts is when it says-the visitor from outer space made a serious study of Christianity, to learn, if he could, why Christians found it so easy to be cruel. He concluded that at least part of the trouble was slipshod storytelling in the New Testament. He supposed that the intent of the Gospels was to teach people, among other things, to be merciful, even to the lowest of the low. But the gospel actually taught this: before you kill somebody, make absolutely sure he isn't well connected. So it goes."

"Jesus…Alex could you throw in an upbeat quote?" Marissa said and then kissed her neck.

"Okay, okay…lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking off your clothes…but its better if you do," Alex finished with a wink. Feeling a slap to her arm she frowned but smiled at Marissa.

"That's an actual quote ya know, its from Closer. Natalie Portman says it."

"Of course you would know that," Marissa said narrowing her eyes at her girlfriend.

"She was the only good thing in that movie and she's attractive," Alex tries to defend herself.

"Do you want me to take away that shovel you're burying yourself a grave with?" Marissa asked, raising her voice and quirking an eyebrow. Rolling her eyes she felt another slap to her arm.

"Jesus woman do you want more bruises on my body?" She said back half playfully, though it was true her ribs felt sore and she knew there were dark bruises without having to look down and check.

"Alright…more quotes," Marissa demanded, but more lightly than before.

"My favorite prayer...though I haven't gone to church for obvious reasons would have to be Prayer of St Francis who was the patron saint of animals. He was a pacifist and apparently really kind so it says…Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow in love. Where there is injury, pardon. Where there is doubt, faith. Where this is despair, hope. Where there is darkness, light. Where there is sadness, joy. O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much to be consoled as to console. To be understood as to understand. To be loved, as to love. For it is in giving that we receive. It is in pardoning that we are pardoned and its in dying that we are born to eternal life."

"That's sweet and intense," Marissa said quietly. "Why do you like it so much?"

"Honestly I heard it at the end of a Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode. The end of season six, Sarah McLachlan sings it and its beautiful."

"You're so random. And apparently a geek," Marissa teased. "That's hard to pull off given that you're such a punk," Marissa continued." Actually the whole punk thing just vanished, you're just a nerd," she finished happily. Squinting her eyes at Marissa, Alex pulled her head back to look at her.

"Yeah but at least I'm smart and I'm your geek," she said making her point by pulling her closer and kissing her gently which Marissa leaned into and kissed her back harder. "Mmm no, I have to go to work," Alex said begrudgingly, pulling back a few seconds later. Pouting back at Alex she almost stayed in bed looking back to Marissa but instead kissed her cheek.

"Sorry to deprive you but I still have to go to work," she said sitting up and making Marissa do the same, resulting in the sheet falling off her upper body and she sat there in bed half exposed.

"You'd rather go to work then stay here?" Marissa asked, lowering her voice in a silky way that seemed second nature of her to switch to.

"Tease," Alex said and turned her body around but stopped when a sharp pain hit her sides, reminding her of her ribs. Breathing in deeply in order to push back the pain Alex sat on the edge of the bed and held her side, barely touching her skin.

"Okay I really have to go to…work," she finished, though she knew that once she got to work she was going to have Jodie drive her to the hospital and try to not think about how much she hated hospitals or doctors for that matter. Looking Alex over skeptically Marissa only nodded her and crawled closer to Alex. Slowly wrapping her arms around her shoulders gently she leaned down and kissed the girls shoulder and then her neck.

"If you need anything you know to call me, right?" She said with consideration. Enjoying the feel of Marissa's arms around her she nodded and turned her head so she could kiss Marissa's lips. Pulling away a few seconds later Alex slowly stood up and went to her bathroom to take a quick shower while Marissa got dressed knowing she would take one after she dropped her off at her own house.

Less than ten minutes later Alex was dressed in a pair of dark jeans that fit her body well and a very loose stripped t-shirt that she purposefully picked out so any material wasn't touching her upper body or constricting her. She wore little makeup and then walked over to dresser, put on some chapstick that was semi-glossy and turned towards Marissa with a smile.

"Your house," she said with command as she pointed to her and Marissa nodded. She turned towards the stairs and made her way down to the kitchen, grabbed an apple and Alex grabbed a diet coke, seeing as how they both were aware they were in a rush. Quickly hopping in the car Alex started it up and Marissa grabbed her Ipod. Finding her sunglasses tucked into the visor and put on her aviator glasses on over her slightly bruised eye. When Marissa looked back at her frowning Alex smirked and said, "I don't want Jodie threatening to kick your ass," and began to back out. "You know, no one touches my Ipod, you have great privileges," she said in seriousness but added a smile.

"I would hope so," Marissa said back with a bigger smile. Searching through the tool Marissa found what she was looking for and plugged it in and sat back contently. Alex was surprised to hear the Prayer of St Francis through the speakers but leaned back in her seat more, resting her left arm on the door. The rest of the ride was in silence as Marissa ate her apple and Alex thought about her dread and aversion to hospitals. When they were at the house the song had just ended and Marissa looked at Alex with new found appreciation and was also somewhat baffled. Her hands still rested on the wheel and her right hand was on the shift in park. Leaning over Marissa kissed Alex and resisted deepening the kiss which Alex noticed but the taller girl pulled away, looked at Alex again and said calmly, "I love you."

Smiling back at the lighter brunette Alex said, "I love you too," and waited for Marissa to get into her house which she did in hast and then closed the front door, allowing Alex to leave for work.

When she got to the building she bee-lined for Jodie's office and was shocked to see her up to her shoulders in papers.

"So…thanks for taking care of my dog and I hope you've been good, how's Liv and how's your girlfriend who wants to steal her," Alex asked playfully though in a rush.

"Alex…you come in here late, my girlfriend is thinking about getting a dog now, thanks to you and," she stopped abruptly, looking up at Alex and dropped her papers she was holding.

"Jesus your face," she said in annoyance, her voice rising.

"Yeaaaaah, want to take me to the hospital for a bit," Alex smiled slightly, trying to make moment lighter. Taking a deep breath Jodie got up from her seat and came around to stand in front of her former girlfriend with her hands resting on her hips.

"I thought you were done fighting," she said gently though with an accusatory tone.

"Couldn't be helped," Alex shrugged. Jodie rolled her eyes then looked at Alex intently.

"Marissa?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Marissa," Alex said gently with a slight nod.

"Okay, lets go," Jodie said and took the short steps back to her desk and picked up her jacket and keys. "But no more defending Newport Barbie, next time you just leave," she added as they made their way through the building and to her car.

"I did leave," Alex defended herself.

"Right after you punched him," Jodie said knowingly. Alex only glared at Jodie.

"Thought so," the darker brunette said as the got into her muscle car which they both knew she loved cause it suited her so well. It wasn't huge but it was sleek and the black and red paint job was a nice touch.

"To the hospital," Jodie mumbled when they were fastened in. for once Jodie didn't drive fast as she made her way to their destination which was a little over ten minutes.

Once at the hospital Jodie sat in the waiting room, Alex stool and filled out the tedious paperwork. Another thing I hate about hospitals… A few minutes after that was done she handed it over to the receptionist who seemed tired but was pleasant. Alex walked over and stood near Jodie, leaning against the wall. It wasn't a busy day so Alex was called quickly. She nodded to Jodie as she pushed herself off the wall and went in to see a doctor. Breathing in and out slowly she tried to not think of the sterile smell of how bright the lights were. By the time she got to the door a female doctor was patiently waiting for her while she was sitting in a swivel chair.

"What can we do for you today?" She asked unfazed as she looked Alex over, noticing her cut lip and tense stance.

"An x-ray and possibly some pain killers would be good," Alex said seriously and bluntly, though tiredly. The doctor looked her over and then grabbed the chart Alex had filled out from the nurse who stood behind her. Alex shifted nervously and tried to stand still as the nurse and doctor looked her over. As the doctor looked her chart over the nurse gently asked her to take off her shirt. Holding her elbow Alex gripped her bone then let her arm fall to her side and lifted the shirt slowly above her head, careful to not hit her ribs. When the shirt was completely off the nurse drew in a sharp breath and looked at her midsection intently.

"Did you get hit with a car?" She asked; trying to remain in control though her shock was evident.

"No," Alex replied shortly and set her shirt on the small counter, avoiding the padded table that was meant for people to sit on, lay down and be examined and Alex had no intention of staying longer than she needed to. She remained standing to give the impression of being impatient and busy, which she was. The doctor looked up from her notes and moved her face closer to Alex's ribs, half a foot away and she looked at each angle.

"You don't need an x-ray to know that you have a few broken ribs," she stated factually. "But if you would like an x-ray we can do that today," she added nicely.

"No, if we could move on to the medicine that would be great," Alex said with some impatience, she was starting to feel cold, standing in her pants and bra.

"We'll give you a brace and some vicodin. The side effects are light headed-ness, dizziness, nausea and vomiting and so you must take the advised dose or two pills a day."

Alex nodded tensely.

"Usually we would do a physical exam but your bruises are new and tender so come back in a few days," the nurse said sweetly and stepped out of the room to what Alex assumed, get the meds.

"You may put your shirt back on," the doctor said professionally. Again Alex nodded and grabbed her shirt, slowly putting it back on.

"How did you get your bruises?" The doctors asked, maintaining her professional tone as she wrote notes down.

"Fight." Alex stated tensely.

"If your parent's did this I would strongly advise that you talk with the police," she said softening her voice.

"It was just a guy," she said turning her head to the door. The doctor nodded and slowly added, "if it was your boyfriend there are houses you can go to if you don't have friends," she provided. Deciding to cut to the chase and stop the woman from implying anything or asking anymore questions Alex said in a controlled yet impatient tone, "A guy was bothering my girlfriend, touching her and making her nervous and didn't get the hint, its fine," she finished curtly. The doctor only nodded and stood up, touched the side of Alex's arm gently and said sincerely, "Take care of yourself," and moved to the door slowly, placing the file on the counter.

A knock was heard at the door and then the doctor placed her hand on the doorknob and slowly opened it as though to remain calm and not startle Alex who had never relaxed as she stood in the same position.

The nurse came in and handed Alex her prescription, already taken care of.

"Thank you," Alex said, trying to soften her voice and give a smile. Nodding back the nurse left the room, followed by the doctor and lastly by Alex who stopped at the office window and paid her bill and pills, thanked the woman behind the counter and met Jodie in the waiting room who looked bored out of her mind.

"Let's go," she said as Jodie put a magazine down. As Jodie opened her mouth Alex cut her off stating, "Everything is copacetic," leaving Jodie to follow her out of the hospital to her car.

"You've learned to not get into fights to avoid hospitals now?" Jodie lectured rather than asked, making her point.

Avoiding the question of engaging in a conversation with her ex who had a tendency to go into long lectures Alex stated more to herself, "must be a Thursday, could never get the hang of Thursdays," she said looking around bewildered in a satirical tone. (Author's note: A million points to anyone who knows what movie that line about Thursdays applies to.)

Jodie only rolled her eyes and started the car to go back to their work as Alex opened up the pill bottle and took two without water.

"What are the side effects?" She asked out of curiosity and some worry.

"Nausea, dizziness, blah blah…" Alex turned the bottle on its side and read the small stickers, "do not operate heavy machinery," she said without interest.

"Guess you can't touch Marissa then," the darker brunette said with joyous glee though she was joking. Glaring at her friend Alex narrowed her eyes some more and tilted her head to the side, appearing to think of creative ways of how to kill Jodie.

Jodie's only response was to laugh knowing exactly what was going on in Alex's though process.


	23. Chapter 23

Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed this story…it was enjoyable to write it and oddly therapeutic. Review would be great and I would greatly appreciate them and if you've read the story and never reviews it-please do, constructive criticism is a great motivator for writing. As always if you're an anonymous reviewer you can always leave a review, though I feel bad that I can't reply. Also…I tried to be somewhat humorous in this and since I'm generally a pretty serious person…I blame that trait on why it's lackluster.

Ethereal123-you're smart, though we knew that, yes, Alex's viewpoints on god are very akin to my own. Recently I told a nun that I was agnostic and she said that's good at least you're not atheist and I responded no, I'm atheist too, it depends on my mood. I have to be a smart ass whenever I can.

Blue-Thank you for the review and yes, its from Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy. I read the short story and I love the movie because I adore Zooey Deschanel….

Anonymous222- I'm glad you like the writing, though its littered with typos because…I get distracted by other things but I hope you enjoyed the last chapter and the story overall.

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Cars kept passing by and all Alex could think of was how blurry they looked. They were more along the lines of fuzzy images that blended together. I think I'm high off the vicodin…or the headache that's starting to kill me. She started to groan and rested her head against the window.

"Hungry?" Jodie asked nicely after giving a brief glance over to her passenger.

"I think so…that or vicodin isn't really my drug of choice," she said slowly.

"Mkay…we'll go to a diner then, any one in particular?" The darker brunette continued nicely. Lifting her head up and placing her hand under it Alex looked at Jodie and squinted.

"I'm high, you're not being bossy or demanding," Alex said dryly though the corners of her mouth lifted and it was clear that she was joking. Though even without the smirk Jodie would have known she was pulling her leg.

"I will pull this car over if you don't get rid of your attitude," Jodie threatened in a motherly tone, but she was only joking along back with Alex who started laughing a lot and groaned when she felt pain in her ribs.

"Okay, don't make me laugh, be serious or I might stop breathing," Alex half joked. Making Jodie roll her eyes and tilt her head to the side as she pulled into a small diner and parked the car.

"God you're such a drama queen," she noted with heavy sarcasm as she turned off the engine.

"That's me," Alex said triumphantly in mock tone, "I can't find my tiara though," she said while she got out slowly and closed the door.

"Well that's because Marissa stole it," Jodie teased and opened the entrance door for herself and Alex followed in but nudged her shin slightly harder than she intended.

"Ooow," Jodie let out and glared at Alex.

"Oh god, it must be the pills…I'm losing my coordination," she continued to joke and play up her side effects.

"That's not the only think you're gonna lose," Jodie said threatening as they slid into a red, vinyl booth in the side of the diner near the windows.

"Yeah yeah, well I'm paying," Alex offered and looked at the plastic menu.

Seconds later they fell into a comfortable silence. While deciding on the milk shake, diet coke, pie or grilled cheese her mind drifted off to how comfortable she and Jodie were together. Without a doubt they were better friends than a couple. They worked better this way, there wasn't that competition for dominance and although they had a somewhat rocky history they got over it and surprisingly became close friends with ease, which Alex considered to be a great thing because they were both supportive and understand of one another more so than ever before.

Smiling back over at Jodie the shorter girl stopped looking over her menu and said impatiently, "What?"

"You're just great," Alex said seriously.

"I have a girlfriend," Jodie said in a deadpan tone but teased lightly, making Alex roll her eyes and sighed.

"You know I tried, granted the drugs are helping me with the honesty, releasing that censor in my head," Alex supplied but was cut off by Jodie.

"You never had that censor," she noted with a smirk and let the menu fall to the table. Narrowing her eyes at her friend Alex cleared her throat briefly and tried to make her point again.

"True but I just wanted to say that of my friends," she paused and placed her elbows on the table, "I value your opinion the most and I appreciate your patience with me, even though you don't see eye to eye with Marissa," she added, dropping her voice.

"That's not true. I tease you and sure, I make my comments and I don't like that she seems selfish and has that 'I'm really cool attitude, I try to seem like I don't care about anything, but..,"

"Did you have a silver lining to that?" Alex cut her off impatiently.

"You both work." She said bluntly, looking her square in the eyes. "She's matured and she puts up with your shit," Jodie stated matter-of-factly.

Frowning back at her former girlfriend Alex said a somewhat shocked and slightly questioning, "Thanks?" Consider she didn't expect her friend to in her own odd way give Marissa a thumbs up.

At the moment the waiter came over and asked if they were ready. Looking over at Jodie who nodded and scan the menu again the shorter girl said her order while the waiter wrote it down and then turned to Alex.

"A French vanilla milkshake, a diet coke, a small stack of chocolate chip pancakes with a side of peanut butter, a tofu scrabble with egg whites, a side of carrots with ranch dressing," she finished contently. The waiter only looked at her with raised eyebrows and looked her over, shaking his head ever so slightly as though wondering where she could possibly fit it all and walked away.

In comparisons to Jodie's order that consisted only of a fruit salad, a soda, and an side of seasoned fries Alex seemed like she hadn't eaten in days.

"Did I miss the memo about Armageddon?" Jodie ventured to ask Alex with a raised eyebrow.

"I haven't eaten in twenty-four hours, I forgot, and so like a crazy person I order food when I'm hungry," Alex said sarcastically. The only way Jodie could accurately convey her response was to roll her eyes.

"Oh I also forgot that we have a new client. My old boss from the Bait Shop wants us to do the interior of the place, a whole new look, still keeping with the laid back feel of the place but promoting a better atmosphere," she said in a business tone.

"Great, not that we need anymore clients, but I'm sure you can do it easy." Jodie commented back in her own managerial voice.

"It should take a week tops to touch up the place and I'll be managing the place every Saturday night for a couple hours so..."

"Alex, don't you have enough things to do?" Jodie questioned, cutting her off.

"Sure, but I liked the Bait Shop, its only a day a week, its only getting him organized and telling people what to do," she noted simply.

"So that's why you took it, you get to boss people around, I see it now, you just want an excuse to be a bitch," Jodie said, nodding her head slowly.

Glaring at her friend, she couldn't really deny that point so she continued, "It was oddly relaxing and I like the change in venue. And besides I miss being around random people and the shows," she said happily, knowing she would get her fix of live performances in soon.

"Fine, but I get free drinks and Liv is staying over for another two days," she demanded.

Before Alex could add in a rebuttal their food came. The waiter set everything down and again looked at Alex once it was laid out of the table, filling a majority of her side. When he turned to leave Alex immediately took a long sip from her diet coke and peered over at Jodie.

"Why do you like my dog so much?" Alex inquired.

"I think she's sweet, it's the girlfriend that looooves your dog," Jodie noted.

"Get her a dog then," Alex said as she cut into her tofu scrabble and started to eat it, savoring each bite.

"She already has her cat, who by the way takes care of Liv and cleans her, which is just weird and unnatural," Jodie said after she stabbed a piece of fruit and pointed it at Alex.

"Great, but you can't have my dog," Alex said defensively but added, "and she can stay for another two days, I can't really bend down and pick her up at the moment anyway," she said sadly.

"Marissa could always take care of her, stay over at your place," the smaller brunette suggested.

Looking up from her food, having started in on her pancakes, Alex's head shot up. "She's not living with me," was her short response.

"Did I say that? No, I didn't think I did," Jodie said in a smartass tone as she looked perplexed to add to her smart-alec disposition. "Besides, you'll end up there eventually," Jodie said all knowingly and bit into a fry.

Alex only looked at her food, digesting what her friend had just said. If truth be told she could picture Marissa living with her easily down the road…later down the road…if they lasted.

"You'll make it," Jodie said bluntly, pulling Alex out of her thoughts, forcing her to look up at her friend.

"What?" she asked, knowing she missed something.

"Don't over think it. You're happy. She seems happy. You compliment each other. You'll make it," she said with assurance as she dipped a French fry in ketchup and swirled it briefly it around.

At this Alex only smiled, sat back in her chair and continued to eat the rest of her, to the dismay of her friend and even the waiter who still seemed shocked that the slim woman could polish off that much food.

When the bill came Alex paid for it at the front of the diner while Jodie went to her car and waited.

When she got back to Jodie's car at a painstaking slow pace because the pills that had managed to kick in more now that food was in her stomach. She gently sat down in the car, sighing in relief when something calming was playing in Jodie's car for once. Catpower, to be precise, Greatest Covers album was playing her favorite cover of the Grateful Dead, which filled the small car and she contently sat back in the seat.

"I don't think you should go back to work and you need a day off anyways," she said in a way that wasn't up for argument even though Alex lifted an eyebrow.

"It's three o'clock, time flies when you eat a four course meal, so…" Jodie continued but Alex glared at her. "Do you want me to drop you off at Marissa's cause you're already fighting sleep and you shouldn't drive so its your place where you could pass out, alone, and no one will find you for a couple days or you go to Princess's palace," Jodie said off handedly while she drove through the streets.

"Ugh," Alex groaned when she felt a sharp turn shift her body so that her ribs hurt again, "Marissa's is fine," she said as she looked at the floorboard. The cars were starting to make her feel slight dizzy.

"Directions," Jodie stated calmly as she drummed her index finger on the steering wheel along with the beat of the song playing.

"Head towards my apartment but keep going straight, can you do that?" Alex asked teasingly.

Smirking at the comment but keeping her eyes on the road Jodie happily stated, "Never," and increased her speed once she was clear of other cars.

"Okay keep going down the road, to the right and then a left and it's the mansion," Alex said disinterested. _Marissa's surrounded by money…big houses…friends with money…and she's used to that so I can't blame her…but if I don't fit in...again…Ah hell, for once think positive. You're happier…she seems…okay she seems dark but happier than before…so what if she's used to getting whatever she wants and is basically the daughter of capitalism and I'm…surrounded by music, working in a bar again, but I have my own business…_

"Stop over thinking," Jodie commanded. Turning her head abruptly to face the shorter girl Alex widened her eyes, questioning what. "I can almost hear your thoughts," she continued, growing annoyed. "I'm not going to start cheering for her with pom poms but she's happier. She makes you happy, just go with it. Don't act possessive and don't put up your walls," Jodie stated nicely.

Alex only nodded at this after it had sunk in. Jodie kept driving, to the right and then the left as instructed. Within seconds they were sitting in the car in front of Marissa's house, though no one could ever call it a house, it almost had its own zip code.

Placing her hand on the handle she looked back over at Jodie and gave her a small smile of thanks. Turning her head up she basically told her to get moving with that simple nod and drove off back to work. After watching her drive away, Alex slowly walked towards the door once the car was out of her distance. Standing in front of the door for a few seconds she squinted at the door. _I'm not this years yard guy..I'm not this years yard guy, I am NOT this years yard guy._ And with that final thought she knocked on the door. In a matter of seconds the door opened to reveal a rather stern looking Julie Cooper who surprisingly softened when she saw Alex but then looked confused and edging on concerned, but Alex didn't want to read into the stone-like woman's facial expressions so she simply cut to the chase.

"Hi, is Marissa here?

"Alex, yes, hi. This is a surprise," she noted with a lift at the end of her voice. Trying to stop herself from smirking at Julie's odd way of talking in somewhat incomplete sentences, she stepped into the hallway once the older woman stepped aside for her and looked her over.

"What happened to your face?" She asked, her voice raising higher than before and with a motherly tone leaking out which Alex found strange. Shrugging at question Alex looked around and up towards the bedrooms atop the large stairs and then followed Julie into the large kitchen.

"Is Marissa upstairs?" She queried nicely.

"Alex, I assume my daughter is home. I haven't seen her yet, so I'm going to ask again, did you get into a fight? Was Marissa there?" She continued.

Unable to think of anything at the moment Alex was more than thrilled to hear Marissa call out in an annoyed, controlled tone, "Mom!"

"Oh what Marissa? I need to know what happened to make sure my daughter's safe. You can't just be out with whomever you'd like at all hours, getting into fights," she said quickly, though with a degree of judgment in her voice. At this Alex saw her girlfriend squint her eyes, cross her arms over her chest and spoke to her mother in a distant tone.

"Yes, Alex got into a fight," she let out.

"I knew it, Marissa, I tried, but why are you with people who have a destructive tendency or the inability to abstain from violence," she said looking over at Alex who stood up straighter at the verbal jab.

"One, you weren't there, two, Alex was defending me, three, it really isn't any of your business." She finished, standing up taller herself.

"That's where you're wrong Marissa. You are my business. You're my daughter and you live in my house." She said raising her voice, making Alex feel uncomfortable.

"I don't have to live here," the younger Cooper said back with a challenge.

"Oh no, you are not going to live with Alex again. The novelty wore off last time. It just looks like this years yard guy is a repeat this year. Falling back into old habits are you Marissa?" Julie said with controlled venom that was clearly intended to hurt Marissa and Alex. And Alex could tell her girlfriend was becoming furious.

"I can live with Alex if I want to," Marissa stated with anger and frustration.

"Ah…no you can't," Alex said quietly but with certainty though she knew it would hurt Marissa to deny her that comfort, she had to.

"Alex…" she pleaded softly.

"No, this is…this whole situation is pointless drama." She said with annoyance of her own and then let out a sigh. "You," she said turning towards Julie, "can't keep pushing her away," she said diplomatically, "and you," she said turning to her girlfriend, "need to try to find a common ground, because she does care about you and yeah…you want your freedom and autonomy but the point is she's your mom and although the both of you are…pretty stubborn," she said trying to downplay their personality traits, "it wouldn't kill either one of you to ask the other how each other are doing and give a genuine answer." She finished tiredly. "No judgments, no hidden agenda." She added and let her shoulders fall, realizing that they'd grown tense while she witness their argument.

At this moment both woman stood staring at Alex and then at each other, as though a chess game were going on, waiting for the other's person's strategic move. "I'm going upstairs," she said when neither woman spoke. She didn't care to be in the middle of it. She added what she wanted to, though she felt it was crossing a line.

Taking a few steps towards the stairs she ran into the counter, right on her ribs. This time she felt a sharp pain that made her see spots after the flash of black went away. Touching her ribs she felt one had shifted and cupped her side, then abruptly she leaned over and threw up into the sink everything she had consumed less than an hour ago.

As more pain hit her body from her muscles contracting as she vomited into the sink she heard Marissa scream with worry, "Oh my god, Alex!" as a hand rubbed her lower back gently. _Ugh this is a perfect, really, I'm thrilled to be here. If someone could just knock me out and toss me in the pool that would be great._ She thought rather morbidly, considering how badly she didn't want to be in this situation.

Keeping her head down she turned on the faucet and washed everything down the sink while Marissa kept rubbing her back, comforting her body and stopping her back from hurting as she leaned over the sink. Forming her hand into a cup Alex let the water pool into hand and took a few gulps from it and swashed it around in her mouth to get the flavor out. The last bit of water that sat in her hand she brought up to her face to cool herself off, feeling warm after throwing up.

Standing back up straight she turned the faucet off and wiped her mouth slowly and flicked her hand into the sink to get the excess water off. She turned towards Marissa to give her a small smile.

"I'm okay, just a side effect of the vicodin," she said naturally, completely composed again.

"You pop pills too?!" Julie accused causing Marissa to glare at her as though she were ready to hit her mother. Taking Marissa's hand in her she gave it a light squeeze and turned towards Julie.

"No," she said calmly, "I went to the hospital, I have a few broken ribs," she finished with a shrug.

"This is from defending Marissa?" She asked, lowering her voice and losing the hostility from it.

Frowning back at the older woman Alex nodded tensely and looked back to Marissa who was holding her hand tightly.

"If you don't mind, I'm going to go upstairs and lay down," she ventured and excused herself by walking away, not wanting to wait for any response. Squeezing Marissa's hand again she let her hand fall from their embrace and walked up the large stairs slowly, hearing Julie and Marissa's conversation in the distance.

"Mom," Marissa said with fatigue, "you need to accept this. I can't fight with you anymore and Alex is a good, no, great person. If you take the chance you might see that, but if you don't want to it's your loss. Either we try to find that common ground of we're just going to become more distant and I know Alex doesn't want that...probably because she wants something better for me than what she has with her own parents" she supplied with hesitancy. "But we can try, only if you're nicer to her," she stated seriously.

"Okay," Julie said slowly with a moment of hesitation. "Go upstairs and take care of Alex," she commanded nicely and then Alex heard her heels fade away and into another room. Holding onto the banister more tightly Alex continued to ascend the stairs but was stopped when she felt Marissa's hand on her lower back again.

"You heard all that," Marissa stated factually.

Nodding Alex kept climbing and only looked at Marissa once they reached her bedroom door. She hesitated and waited for Marissa to open it which she did after she took Alex's hand and gently pulled her into the bedroom, granted without any resistance.

"You got out of work early," she said gently.

Again Alex nodded and took a seat on the edge of the bed with Marissa following. Though Marissa kept hold of Alex's hand and moved closer to her, bring her lips against the former blonde's neck which made Alex sigh contently. Dropping her hand from Alex's, she kissed her cheek and looked into her deep blue-green eyes that had that dark ring around them that made it difficult for Marissa to not keep staring at how she could see so much of Alex in her eyes, how they changed, how they were complicated.

"I think you should go to sleep for a while," she offered softly. Again Alex only nodded and let her head fall. Marissa got up and pulled back to covers for Alex to get under after she got up herself and slid into the bed.

When Alex was comfortable Marissa looked her over, wanting to crawl into bed with her but she had to call Summer. "I have to call Summer…a report for school I have to check on," she said hesitantly.

Alex raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, I want to talk to her about my mom and I don't want to bother you and we actually do have a report or something," she said disinterested, "but I basically want to just talk to her and let you sleep," she said truthfully this time.

"Marissa, you don't have to lie to me. I get it and she's your best friend. Besides, I like her. For someone so tiny she packs a lot of personality," she said honestly making Marissa laugh. Going over to Alex, Marissa kissed her forehead and grabbed her phone from off the bed side table, then went out to the terrace outside her bedroom, closing the door quietly.

Within minutes Alex was asleep.

Waking up hours later with the sunlight still making its rays through the window Alex tried to sit up but found Marissa gently wrapped around her barely touching her, with her head on her shoulder. Pressing her palm into Marissa's lower back and smoothing out her hand over her skin she lazily continued to be in her state of half sleep and drew small circles into her girlfriend's skin, unaware that the little action was beginning to wake her.  
Mumbling incoherently into Alex's shoulder Marissa moved a little closer to Alex, content receiving body heat from the former blond.

"What babe?" Alex asked coming out of her sleep more.

"Mmmm I said hi, how are you feeling?" Marissa asked, lifting her head to occasionally kiss along Alex's jaw line.

"I'm doing great now," she said happily.

"And why's that?" Marissa asked though she already knew why.

"Weeeeeeell," Alex drew out lazily, "I'm in a comfortable bed with my beautiful girlfriend," she said with pride as she pulled her closer, her hand resting on Marissa's hip.

"Charmer," Marissa smirked at Alex.

"So…how did the talk go with Summer?" Alex said changing the subject, both girls knowing she didn't take compliments well.

"Good, as well as it can go with Summer. She said she was ready go rage black out on my mom and is ready to throw you a parade for being…how did she say it…surprisingly butch in the last minute," she said and chuckled.

"I am not butch." Alex said raising her voice a little.

"I know baby. You look good in pink, you do interior design…you're tough attitude is just a cover," she said happily and began to kiss Alex's neck again, this time with more energy and desire as her body hovered over half of her body.

"Mmmm," Alex said growing distracted. "Did Summer say anything else?" She asked, trying to give her girlfriend her attention.

"Yeah…she made a good point actually," she said and stopped kissing Alex completely; instead she peered down at her. "You're protective, which…all of my ex's were…but I think they were with me for all the wrong reasons or…it wasn't right," Marissa said slowly.

"What do you mean?" Alex questions while she pulled Marissa closer gently and then felt the taller girl shift on the bed so she was laying down again so Alex was looking down at her.

"I think…Luke was with me because we were this perfect image and we we're used to it. It was safe, but there wasn't anything of value there really…with Ryan I think I helped him to feel welcomed or accepted into Newport, like he belonged because he was dating me and people look at me as this popular girl but in truth I only have Summer really. everyone else is…they aren't friends, and Ryan and I are just so different…and DJ was just a distraction because I hated my dad leaving and there weren't any attachments with him. In some way…they all wanted something from me, but they never really came out and said it, except Luke who…lets face it after a while just wanted sex," Marissa stated with a hint of bitterness making Alex clenched her jaw at this information and kissed Marissa on the cheek from her position above her.

Realizing she was almost on top of Marissa, which hadn't happened since she found her on the beach that night. Moving slowly to get off her and give Marissa her space, knowing Marissa didn't like to be confined or feel anyone on her anymore. She shifted over but felt the taller girl wrap her arm over her shoulder and held her there while her right hand held Alex's waist, keeping her there.

"Stay," she pleaded and Alex was shocked but continued to lay on Marissa, almost her entire body weight resting over the dark blond. Alex slid her arm along Marissa's side and rested her hand on her hip while her forearm rested on the bed, holding her up as she looked down at her girlfriend seeing vulnerability which compelled her to lean down and kiss her cheek gently. Feeling the girl beneath her pull her closer she lifted her head and pressed her lips against hers in the briefest of kisses they'd shared.

"So…what's your point," Alex asked gently; still managing to give Marissa her undivided attention. Waiting patiently for Marissa to speak she was startled to see Marissa's eyes start to tear and see her try to breathe in deeper to control her emotional state.

"Babe, what's wrong?" Alex asked sadly, crushed that Marissa was almost about to silently cry. She lifted her hand and pressed her fingertips against her cheek and down to her jaw until she cupped the side of Marissa's face in her palm gently. Something told her that Marissa was starting to feel overwhelmed at whatever may be going on in her head. Unable to find the words to sooth her she leaned down and kissed the taller girls temple lovingly, trying to draw out the pained thoughts from the girl's mind. A few minutes passed of both girls looking at one another, leaving light kisses and soft pulls closer, making some soft of promise that it was okay, that the other was there.

"The point is really in a question…" Marissa finally let out after Alex had her arms completely around the girl beneath her. Nodding at this, Alex tried to convey that she was ready for the question whenever Marissa was willing to give it. She saw Marissa shift her gaze downward and see just how close their bodies were….how they fit so well together….

Gathering up enough air to fill her lungs and calm her nerves Marissa looked into Alex's intense eyes, expecting an honest answer because this was Alex…….and asked delicately, as though she were afraid of the answer…

"Why are you with me?"

Frowning down at the girl Alex was confused for a few seconds, trying to understand why she would ask. She loved this girl…she couldn't help it, she felt like she belonged to her… oh Marissa…

"Aside from that you're beautiful?" Alex said gently, but seriously, knowing her statement was true in more ways than one. She watched Marissa close her eyes and smile slightly in what resembled more of a content smirk. Knowing Marissa wasn't going to say anything else she moved her thumb from where it was resting near Marissa's ear and brought it up to graze across her cheek. With her hand behind her head as her fingers slowly weaved through her hair she looked at this girl who was asking her something with so much vulnerability that it made her almost euphoric that she was allowed to see this side of her personality…the strength, the love, the uncertainty of the answer…

Marissa held her breath, opened her eyes and looked at Alex who said with certainty and calm conviction.

"Because you're marriage material."

The End

(Small) Epilogue: The next thing Alex felt were Marissa's lips crashing against hers, pulling her closer, as close as humanly possibly.

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Author's note: Okay…I'm glad anyone read this, I hope you enjoyed it, if the ending seems dull or abrupt it's because I need to finish this story so I can write actual important papers. Also….I have no intention of writing a sequel, sorry…but if anyone wants to pick it up and write a sequel I don't mind or care. Lastly- please review, thank you and enjoy yourself.


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